To be pissed because my kids keep hurting me by jumping on me when I'm sitting on the sofa

[getoffff]

At my wits end with this one...

The rare moment I get to sit down, they climb and jump all over me and accidentally pull my hair and smash their little elbows into their chest.

It fucks me off so much. Just get out of my space !!!

They're 4 and 2. Then they decide to chase each other around and also just keep jumping near me / on me. I feel like I have to shied myself, when I'm sitting on my sofa. EuGH !!

They only stop if I shout really loudly. They pretty much only react to that. If I say things more quietly, they just continue.

If I put them in time out/ take toys away etc. they just continue. The only way to get them to stop is to shout quite loudly.

Yabu to be pissed.
I can imagine pissed off being far more appropriate.
Poor you OP, sounds awful.

I certainly don't!

@getoffff

Also when you've got Christmas to prep for and visitors coming over and need to clean etc- who's got 4 entire hours to spare on a day like that to just go out? We need all hands on deck at the moment.

But you mentioned relaxing on the sofa 🤷🏻‍♀️

I actually don't buy into the people saying it's normal to accept this from their children. Mine never did this to me. You don't need to shout either. You just need to keep them busy if you are staying home. Unfortunately not all children will watch TV - my DS just would not sit down all day & had no interest in TV. So we had to go do stuff or if home keep him entertained somehow. It’s exhausting but the alternative is what you are describing.

I think some people expect their children to sit around all day doing nothing then wonder why their children play up. You have it spot on

OR

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to sit down for 10 minutes with a cup of tea in amongst sorting all the stuff for Christmas, trying to get the house clean and entertaining the kids. And preferably not have a jabby little elbow get you or have someone launch themselves onto you while you’re at it.

The solution is that they learn / you teach them to recognise the time for quiet play and lively play.
as others have suggested explain up front that this is quiet time and provide suitable diversions.
move them away from you if they jump and reinforce that it’s quiet time.
I had a kitchen pinger / timer years ago and we would set it for ten mins and leave it on the shelf for them to see. They soon learnt that when the pinger rang that my’sit down with a cuppa’ was over and they could interact again.
also when tidying up after them - get them involved! Tell them 5 mins before that it’s nearly ‘tidy up time’ and provide storage for toys ( large boxes or cheap laundry bags etc ) and all work together

@Oioisavaloy27

I think some people expect their children to sit around all day doing nothing then wonder why their children play up.

They just need to be kept busy. I honestly found it exhausting when DS was tiny. We started him on gymnastics, swimming & toddler footie & he still wouldn't ever sit down & entertain himself. He never watched any TV & wasn't interested in playing with toys.

However he did behave in the house & used to be good sitting down when he had to from a very young age. For example he was able to sit through mass at church for quite long periods of time.

OP you need to get this sorted while they are little otherwise they will start to hurt you. I imagine two boys that age would be hard work. It does get easier - mine sleeps in late & can happily while away an afternoon on his X-box. So hang on in there as it won't be like this forever.

I don’t get why the kids think jumping on the sofa is a thing anyway?

@getoffff they’re young enough to be told NO JUMPING. And this One more time business is a joke. You tell them, no jumping on me/sofa or there will be consequences and follow through

make it a no go. Hard no and be consistent

Pissed OFF! It's pissed OFF! Drives me insane.

How do you know I'm not American

I’d still say chuck them in the garden! It’s really mild today, not remotely the kind of weather that induces coughing. DD and cousins will definitely be in the garden before lunch, they have too much energy and excitement to contain indoors.

Because of LITERALLY every other thing you’ve written?

You probably won't miss it. Ignore that guilt trip.
I absolutely do not miss my son being a toddler. He's a civilised human being now that I can actually hold a conversation with. He's currently building a lego set and listening to christmas music. Much more agreeable than drop kicking me on the sofa.

So you're aware it's an American usage? It sounds ridiculous and far too "try-hard".

Distraction tactics are needed for both children. Set boundaries and make it clear that when you are sitting in a particular place they are to leave you alone and go and play quietly - even consider setting up a game for them. You could tell them that it is not nice and can be dangerous to jump around very close to someone and that they often hurt you.
Be firm, take control and teach them to respect your space.