To be pissed because my kids keep hurting me by jumping on me when I'm sitting on the sofa

[getoffff]

At my wits end with this one...

The rare moment I get to sit down, they climb and jump all over me and accidentally pull my hair and smash their little elbows into their chest.

It fucks me off so much. Just get out of my space !!!

They're 4 and 2. Then they decide to chase each other around and also just keep jumping near me / on me. I feel like I have to shied myself, when I'm sitting on my sofa. EuGH !!

They only stop if I shout really loudly. They pretty much only react to that. If I say things more quietly, they just continue.

If I put them in time out/ take toys away etc. they just continue. The only way to get them to stop is to shout quite loudly.

I wouldn’t get comfortable with the notion they only react when you shout . Soon enough they will only communicate whilst shouting simply because you do it and you will have a whole different unsavoury problem . If someone said what do 4 and 2 year olds do usually , my answer you’d be everything you described. Work on your patience/tolerance and maybe get up and play with them too

Mine do this, especially the four year old. I absolutely hate it. YANBU.

If you say ‘one more time and you’re going in time out/ taking away toys’ do you actually follow through and put them in time out or take toys away? There’s no point threatening a consequence if you never follow it through.

Just saying ‘stop, no, get down’ also isn’t that helpful for small children. You need to give them an alternative, so if they’re jumping and climbing on the sofa ‘Sitting only on the sofa, if you want to bounce use your trampoline.’ Obviously you do need to have alternatives available for children to get out their energy, a yoga ball or a mini trampoline would be good for this. Or a game like the floor is lava but with cushions and things they can jump on, the sofa can be a dangerous volcano that will erupt if they jump on it so is only safe to sit on. If you know that they have already burnt off lots of energy outside and they’re still jumping and climbing then you need to help direct them to a calming activity, something like colouring or puzzles or helping you tidy up or do a household task. Perhaps get a weighted blanket that they could sit and snuggle you under whilst you read a story with them. It’s hard for little kids to regulate and direct their energy so if they are getting over excited you need to help them do this!

Clear the floor and put Danny go on YouTube on the TV. They're still jumping around but it's more direct and less like to be on you (give direction of where they can jump, then sit elsewhere).

No she won't. Don't be ridiculous. She'll miss the nice bits, not being attacked.

I think you have to be really clear and firm that this is a zero tolerance thing, so they get removed straight away from you/the sofa. And find other ways to give them positive attention.

Mine are the same age. To be honest I enjoy it mostly. They're not little long and I've learnt to shield my face!

Stick Jo Wicks on the TV (or other age appropriate content) for them to interact with.

I find a glue stick and sequins get me a quick break, equally mixing - I mean literally mixing anything, a big bowl and stock some cereal or something in it and they will mix forever

You need to get them out as much as possible, take them to the park for a few hours not just 39 mins, I door play area, trampoline park, beavers, swimming, long walks, being cooped in most of the day does not help children, it's also good for them to mix with other children.

May not feel like it now but I bet you didn't enjoy being jumped on and elbowed when your kids were 2 and 4.

My son is still ill with a cough. That's why we went out for 30 minutes only yesterday. He started coughing his guts out.

They've been outside this morning for about an hour and then wanted to come in, as they were cold anyway and it's all wet in the garden. I don't think it helps that much at the moment anyway, to let them outside.

I hear you. DH has to step in a lot with this. I tell them they’ve hurt me, they say sorry but I don’t think they really understand.

Also when you've got Christmas to prep for and visitors coming over and need to clean etc- who's got 4 entire hours to spare on a day like that to just go out? We need all hands on deck at the moment.

What kind of sofa have you got? DH takes the cushions off ours and makes a kind of soft play.

Physically remove them.
Pick them up, sit them on the floor and say, firmly " I said no! That hurts, I don't want you to do it so stop it"
Repeat if necessary!

They are always doing stuff ! And they mix with lots of children. This day before Christmas, we don't have time to take them to do activities.

Children also need to just ' be ' at home sometimes. You can't always be taking them out, it's just not practical.

I honestly think sometimes this isn’t a UK site! It’s December and dark and cold, we’ve had severe weather warnings in parts of the country.

I am like the OP and we do get out a lot, we are out now. But my older child especially never stops, he can literally spend six hours at forest school, two hours in the park and STILL leap off the sofas! Thankfully the younger one is a bit more chilled!

You could try (if you haven't already) telling them in advance when you sit down that they are to play on their own for a few minutes, giving them a specific activity to do in that time. When they inevitably try to jump on you 30 seconds later anyway, tell them firmly no jumping with a loud OUCH that hurts mummy. If it continues, a warning that there will be a consequence. . but you will then have to follow through if they don't listen.

You'll probably have to do it 8374 times before they get the message. But at least you won't have to shout! And you'll be teaching them consideration for others, which will pay off hugely later on.

Do you know what’s causing the coughing fits? If he’s got asthma or probably asthma and the cold is aggravating it then yes, you want to avoid that. If he’s had a cold and his lungs are full of gunk and running is making him cough up that gunk then that’s likely a good thing.

Yeah mine are the same. It's ridiculous that people think you can never keep children indoors and need to be going on adventure trails and playgrounds with them constantly. It's not realistic. Sometimes you have stuff to do ! Not every day can be a day where you're spending 4 hours solely focused on child activities.

👏👏

That's a matter of opinion!

Very true-that’s why wellies were invented!

I do think you need to manage your expectations a little bit. At those ages, they need a lot of physical stimulation and exercise. If it's too cold for your little one, then you need to set up something inside - a dance video off YouTube, or a Joe Wicks workout, or music for them to bounce and jump around to.

I wouldn't tolerate being jumped and bounced over though - immediate consequences every time, not a "if you do that again then x".

I mean, yes it's cold and windy, but it's really not dangerous for the vast majority of people, the vast majority of the time.

I live in a very "outdoorsy" part of the country and kids are out everyday. Okay, not for hours at a time, but they still go out.

It's not unreasonable but you need to get them doing something elsewhere. I usually get mine to kick a balloon around or get them dancing to music.

I sometimes find when they are climbing on you, they need some rough and tumble. 2 mins of picking them up, tumbling them around, throwing them on the couch, etc, might get you peace and quiet afterwards. My son (4) needs a lot of physical input and sometimes I slam dunk him really hard on the bed and he loves that. My daughter (2) prefers to be swung upside down etc. It's like an itch they need scratched or something.