To be pissed because my kids keep hurting me by jumping on me when I'm sitting on the sofa

[getoffff]

At my wits end with this one...

The rare moment I get to sit down, they climb and jump all over me and accidentally pull my hair and smash their little elbows into their chest.

It fucks me off so much. Just get out of my space !!!

They're 4 and 2. Then they decide to chase each other around and also just keep jumping near me / on me. I feel like I have to shied myself, when I'm sitting on my sofa. EuGH !!

They only stop if I shout really loudly. They pretty much only react to that. If I say things more quietly, they just continue.

If I put them in time out/ take toys away etc. they just continue. The only way to get them to stop is to shout quite loudly.

Pikler triangle and slide? Worked a treat for mine at that age and you can get them second hand for a reasonable price.

Otherwise lots of outdoor walks/playground trips to wear them out!

Why not? With the caveat that obviously not if it’s pissing rain!

Nothing better than fresh air running about to take the edge off their energy

Re missing it when they're older...

Any idea when that kicks in? I ask because mine are in their mid 20s and I have yet to start yearning for being jumped on and trampled.

Taking a child out to play in the cold and being actively involved, and taking a child out so they can play and you try to relax, are very different things! I personally don't much enjoy sitting outside in December for any length of time (horrible memories of lockdown coming back to mind).

They are 2 and 4

find a way to parent them .

you are the adult and you set the house rules… lovingly, kindly but firmly - set expectations and manage the situation so they are not carying on like this.

stop this unruliness and more importantly stop your passiveness urgently - stop being so weak with allowing this and then complaining ‘they don’t listen / they hurt me’

where will it end if they are running rings around you at this age?

Seriously - just parent them.

Mine do the same at 6 and 1

Well it's not like I don't try to parent them ! They just don't listen sometimes. It doesn't mean I'm not parenting at all just because they don't always listen. Most kids don't always listen..

I didn't much enjoy that stage where parenting feels like a series of impacts from knees/elbows/heads, but I was very firm about being left alone when I needed a quiet sit for 10 mins. If they're in the habit of it, I'd set the tone with a short but serious 'family meeting' where you say there is a new rule, there is to be no jumping on mummy, mummy is getting hurt a lot and it's making me sad. Think about how you would feel if someone kept jumping on you and hurting you. That's how I feel, very sore and sad. This will be the consequence (time out or whatever) if you jump on me.

Then I'd follow through on the consequence every single time until they get it- if they get away with it sometimes, they'll understand that the odds are decent that they'll be able to bundle on you without consequence. It'll be inconvenient to do a consequence when you were planning a quiet sit down but they'll probably get it quickly and realise that jumping always results in something they don't like.

My 8 year old does this 🤦🏼‍♀️
He just wants to be close to me so will come over and plop down next to me on the sofa and will end up standing on my leg or elbowing me in the boob or something. Without fail he wants to sit right next to/on me. Even as I write this he's snuggled up next to me.

I love it but it does hurt sometimes and sometimes you do just want your own space.
We try and explain to DS that he needs to watch where he's going and pay attention to people (me) around him so he doesn't accidentally hurt them.

Op - how do I parent my children to stop jumping on me as currently I end up shouting

Reply op you have to parent your child

Erm... gee

Bribes and punishments tend to be the way , showing clearly your emotions earlier - so sad / so happy before annoyed and angry - can also help ( exaggerated face ) , and it sounds like you need a louder firm voice ?

Thanks ! Yes sometimes I'm like ' no, no, stop ' ' stop, you're hurting me ' then it continues ' get down ' ' get off me ' and then eventually I'll use my very loud voice ' NO you have hurt me, stop jumping NOOOOOOWWWWW '.. then they listen.

I don't actually shout that often because it really takes it out of me, physically and emotionally. So it still works. But I wish I didn't need to do it and they'd just listen before.

Other times I'll do the ' one more time and you're going in time out ' ' one more time and I'm taking your toy away ' or the classic recently ' I'm going to tell Father Christmas and he might not bring you your present.. ' the last one is working well on my 4 year old..

With all the ' just parent your child ' chat.. yes I get it and I do try but what I just notice more and more is that it's an age/ development thing. My 4 nearly 5 year old, is just able to understand the whys and hows and rules better. Still not perfect but it's so much easier to deal with her.

I'm not sure if it's because I was such a great parent or she's just grown up and developed..

They are children. They are seeking vestibular and proprioceptive feedback and excitement and they have no other outlet.

If you want them to stop, find a way to meet those needs and redirect them towards that.

The smaller one will understand a sad face better than words

The smaller one can also be physically lifted and put away from you to sit as punishment

And try if possible to have big cuddle reward as soon as one gets the message "oh you stopped - thank you so much - do you want a hug"

My 13 year old still does this now. She sits down for a cuddle to watch telly and you get elbows in your ribs. It's like she has no concept that putting your whole body weight on someone through the sharp point of your elbow is likely to hurt.

Put the cushions on the floor and play musical bumps. Same excitement and neuro feedback without the pain.

Can you impose a substantial consequence every time they do this.
Like sending them to their room(s) for an hour.
Or putting them in a play pen? They are young enough for that.
I would warn them in advance about the consequence, and do not relent imposing it if they still do it.

This is completely untrue and needless guilt tripping - basically emotional abuse to have written that

It's 13 degrees outside! Kids will not combust outside in winter!

My kids do this too, they are 6 and 3. I tend not to sit down 🤣 or I'll sit at the kitchen table instead. Getting outside is a good idea, and distraction. I'll get a game out, or a different toy and sit on the floor with them. It saves the pain of their tiny elbows and usually freezing cold feet touching me 🤣

Do you not physically remove the DCs? I would give one very clear, firm verbal command in my best Head Teacher-style voice eg "No jumping on me. I do not like it and it hurts". If they do it again, you lift them off the sofa onto the floor with a firm "No jumping". A third attempt would result in a time out.

I have a huge cushion that I keep next to me. When the toddler launches itself at me, I deploy it (the cushion, not the toddler) like a riot shield.

It's worth it, even in the rain.

Ugh mine are like that. DH sometimes has to physically remove them from me. So draining!

Yeah I do physically remove them / block them with my arms etc. it's like I'm sitting there fending them off..

Agree with @TheOccupier

Sounds like they need more time outdoors! Twice a day, rain or shine, including running races...

You mention getting them out for 30 mins & then hoping for a sit down. My memory of that age is taking them out for a 3-4 hour stretch & them needing time outdoors whatever the weather. If we stayed in I would have to set up an activity to do with them like baking, craft. I don't think you're being realistic. Can you tag team with your partner?