To be pissed because my kids keep hurting me by jumping on me when I'm sitting on the sofa

[getoffff]

At my wits end with this one...

The rare moment I get to sit down, they climb and jump all over me and accidentally pull my hair and smash their little elbows into their chest.

It fucks me off so much. Just get out of my space !!!

They're 4 and 2. Then they decide to chase each other around and also just keep jumping near me / on me. I feel like I have to shied myself, when I'm sitting on my sofa. EuGH !!

They only stop if I shout really loudly. They pretty much only react to that. If I say things more quietly, they just continue.

If I put them in time out/ take toys away etc. they just continue. The only way to get them to stop is to shout quite loudly.

May not feel like it right now but you’ll miss it when they’re grown

Have you a garden? I used to have a cup of tea in the garden whilst they chased after a ball or whatever. Even just for 10 minutes. It knocks the edge off them.

Distraction is the best way to go. Shouting doesnt do anything it just leads to them eventually ignoring the shouting too & guilt on your part ( no judgement, before I knew we were all ND I shouted a lot at the end of my tether )

You could put music on and get them to dance, dance competition, silly exercises ect to burn off that energy

In December?

My DC loves playing on his trampoline in the garden, even in December. He goes out with a coat and shoes on 😅

I don't think that's a bit you'll miss later! I'd tell them when you're standing at the door that you are having ten minutes with a cuppa on the sofa and during that time they need to be doing something quiet, sitting down. Hot drink, danger, blah blah (even if you have wine in your mug!). Tell them (older one at least) what the consequence will be if they don't. The younger one might need to be occupied more. I think its a good age to start training them to respect your space. One of mine broke my rib once by jumping on me. I don't miss that!

YANBU to be pissed. It’s Christmas!

@PheasantPluckers kids can still go outside in December - they won't combust!

Getting drunk is definitely the solution to this so you aren’t unreasonable to be pissed.

Do you and your children only go outside in June, July and August? My kids played outside all year round. It's a lovely thing sometimes to put your coat and hat on and have a cup of something in a wintry garden and have a day dream.

Sounds like they need more time outdoors! Twice a day, rain or shine, including running races...

If you are actually in pain from what your children do you should actually take it seriously and tell them off! What is is with modern parenting that allows children to think they can use parents as a punchbag with no feelings?

I don't think she will miss it. It's not a lovely snuggly cuddle. It's (unintentional) assault.
Possible suggestions are:
Sit in a chair that is set apart ie not part of the 'chase route'
Stop the chasing on the furniture (constant battle) by providing another route
Only allow chasing sometimes (will take time but totally worth it)
Shout quite loudly (no judgement here).

Ideally they would be controllable - I once met ( in hospital) a woman who had 2 broken legs as her 2 yo grandchild ran over and jumped on them (resting on a footstool). I knew it would probably take at least a year for her to get back to anywhere near normal. Also children who've fallen off the back of furniture onto (hard) corners etc.
Your do need to sit down quietly sometimes, and they need to learn.

We have a garden. Yes I do get them to go out but it doesn't make a huge difference.

We went out yesterday for 30 minutes or so. Little one has just had a bad virus and was coughing his guts out after running around outside in the cold yesterday.

It's hard to keep them entertained indoors - especially when you have stuff to do ! Like clean up after them. I wonder if there's a solution that I haven't thought of. How to keep them entertained indoors, that's safe, fun and gives parents a bit of downtime.

They do drive their bikes and scooters and little cars around inside a lot. That does entertain them and burn off energy, but little one keeps having coughing fits if he runs around.

I do tell them off for sure.

They need a different way to run off that energy.

Indoor trampoline maybe?

You can get indoor mini soft play type things, and climbing toys - they're designed for flats really but no reason they can't be used in houses too.

Personally I think if they're hurting you, you need to be much stricter and impose consequences.

🤔🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣

Have you got a comfortable one person chair you can sit on? I would be quite clear in advance that you are sitting on 'your' chair and having a break and they are not to jump on you. Then give them something to do on the floor such as cars or craft. Aim for ten minutes first off. Then interact with whatever they're doing. Build it up from there. I honestly view this a bit like dog training 😆

Mine weren’t so bad as that, but use to see me sit down and rush over to talk to me cuddle up roll about. I just wanted 5 minutes to chill before they had me again, everyone is entitled to that and they need to respect that.

I would say to them as I entered the room, I have a cup of tea and I’m going to sit and drink it then and only then you can join me. It sounds harsh but they need to learn that everyone needs space. It need mean I felt I had to rush my tea, but gradually it got better.

try distracting them with your tea take in a box of bricks, or some cars or whatever is handy and suggest they build a traffic jam or a castle or something while you drink your tea.

it doesn’t last forever and as pp have said you will miss it.

Absolutely! I can't remember my kids ever jumping all over me, I just wouldn't allow it...the dogs are definitely still a work in progress!

I've a condition where my joints dislocate really easily , so someone jumping on me is quite dangerous . My son used to do this to me but what I started doing was basically telling him I'm sitting down now do not jump on me and the first sign that he's going to I catch him and tell him no being rough with mammy please. You have to be so consistent but he's 3 now and knows that he must he gentle with me and if he's rough then he has to go down.

Don't shout at them.
Physically removed them.

No wishy washy talk and over explanation just a "No, that hurts" and move them to the floor. You should be teaching them not to jump on the sofa. An outward hand in a Stop motion will help too.

Nip it in the bud and as soon as they come near you distract and deflect, how fast can you hop on one leg? Spin in a circle? Etc

Hmm...my three are all teens/early twenties and I have to say, I don't miss being elbowed, thudded, jumped on or accidentally headbutted.
I miss other things, like tiny hands and childish wonder...but not that.

Yeah. Even more so in December. And I'm a single mum. I had to do this kind of thing.