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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disgusted by inability to delay gratification

849 replies

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 20:58

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

OP posts:
Applesandcream · 23/12/2024 21:43

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:42

There is a wider point here - which this thread has highlighted for me.
It seems almost no-one waits for Christmas day anymore.
What does that say about us as a society?

Show quote history

Advent is centuries old. It's not a new thing.

FatFiatMultiplaWhopper · 23/12/2024 21:44

What does that say about us as a society?

Who knows. Maybe nothing.

Jennyathemall · 23/12/2024 21:44

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:42

There is a wider point here - which this thread has highlighted for me.
It seems almost no-one waits for Christmas day anymore.
What does that say about us as a society?

Show quote history

I don’t know, but this thread is clearly saying a lot about you.

biscuitsandbooks · 23/12/2024 21:44

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:42

There is a wider point here - which this thread has highlighted for me.
It seems almost no-one waits for Christmas day anymore.
What does that say about us as a society?

Show quote history

That cheese is life?

TammyJones · 23/12/2024 21:44

@Chowtime

I grew up similar but it's a very old fasioned thing to do now. I'm 60 by the way but even I get with the times! And it's time for you to do it too! Go get something nice out of the fridge, put the telly on and unclench. Merry Xmas.


Me too.
I've got loads of treats in and now ds has arrived home, it's a delight to see ds and dh tucking in.
This time of year its lovely to switch off for a bit and enjoy relaxing with family, enjoying good food / drink , all cosy up in your home.

BeetrootBum · 23/12/2024 21:44

Not really surprised your DH feels the need for alcohol before Christmas day, to be honest.

Blushingm · 23/12/2024 21:44

Why are you the boss and get to make the rules? Your DH is an adult and can eat and drink what he likes it's not up to you

FatFiatMultiplaWhopper · 23/12/2024 21:44

Ceramiq · 23/12/2024 21:43

We aren't a snacking family so I suppose that, yes, I disapprove of people helping themselves to food from the fridge in any event. But this is much more than snacking - it's about the DH helping himself at a random time to something special which was bought and being kept to be shared to celebrate an occasion. Bad manners.

OP you've got a kindred spirit.

JudgeJ · 23/12/2024 21:45

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:02

@SanFranBear
Okay so 'rage' is too strong a word. I am disappointed in him for not being able to control himself and keep the special food for the agreed special evening.

And as I said, disgusted at his lack of ability to delay gratification.

Did he 'agree' or was it just to stop you going on so much? If it was 'his' wine does it really matter? Why are some women so controlling?

swimsong · 23/12/2024 21:45

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:02

@SanFranBear
Okay so 'rage' is too strong a word. I am disappointed in him for not being able to control himself and keep the special food for the agreed special evening.

And as I said, disgusted at his lack of ability to delay gratification.

He has the ability - he's just ignoring and overriding your authoritarian rules.

biscuitsandbooks · 23/12/2024 21:45

Ceramiq · 23/12/2024 21:43

We aren't a snacking family so I suppose that, yes, I disapprove of people helping themselves to food from the fridge in any event. But this is much more than snacking - it's about the DH helping himself at a random time to something special which was bought and being kept to be shared to celebrate an occasion. Bad manners.

Oh, unclench. You'll enjoy life a lot more when you're not living by a bunch of batshit rules about when you're allowed to eat cheese 😂

TammyJones · 23/12/2024 21:46

RealMcCoy · 23/12/2024 21:15

OP, my DH is like you, was so precious with Fortnum and Mason Truffles gifted for our wedding that they went out of date. Delayed gratification is a form of self-punishment. Merry Christmas!

Agree
Op please give yourself permission to enjoy Christmas.

WinterBones · 23/12/2024 21:46

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:31

Too many people to reply to individually.

Totally agree it is a 'season', not just a couple of days. Just for me the season starts on 25th and runs until at least the 5th Jan.

I am not joyless - I love the joy of the excitement and anticipation.

For me the turkey dinner is no big deal. It is just a roast, with a few extra veg. We often have a Sunday roast. So that meal is not "the main event" - it is all the other treats like cheese and chocs that make the day special.

But it does seem I am old fashioned in this regard, I see the majority start sometime in December, or after school breaks up or annual leave starts.

Does nobody enjoy the waiting and anticipating special events?

I recall reading something years ago about learning delayed gratification being a key life skill and indicator of success. People who can't do it, who spend now instead of saving for later, have worse outcomes overall.

yes, i do enjoy the 'anticipation' but for us that 'special' time starts soon as we are all done with all the necessary, school, shopping..etc.

being 'disappointed' and 'disgusted' in your grown adult husband and going on about his inability to 'delay gratification' until your arbitrarily appointed acceptable (to you) date is weird, controlling, and creepy.

Being upset because he decided today was the day to dip into his treats is REALLY problematic and you need to let go.

ForGreyKoala · 23/12/2024 21:46

No, of course it wouldn't give me "the rage". He's an adult, he can eat whatever he wants to when he wants to.

JuniperJungl · 23/12/2024 21:46

Is it that he can't control himself, or that you can't control him?

He's an adult who's made a choice to eat and drink something. Just because you don't want him to it doesn't mean he isn't allowed, it's not the law!

Boohoo76 · 23/12/2024 21:46

Bloody ell, you’d hate my house. We’ve had a mulled mine every night for the past week!

soupfiend · 23/12/2024 21:46

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:31

Too many people to reply to individually.

Totally agree it is a 'season', not just a couple of days. Just for me the season starts on 25th and runs until at least the 5th Jan.

I am not joyless - I love the joy of the excitement and anticipation.

For me the turkey dinner is no big deal. It is just a roast, with a few extra veg. We often have a Sunday roast. So that meal is not "the main event" - it is all the other treats like cheese and chocs that make the day special.

But it does seem I am old fashioned in this regard, I see the majority start sometime in December, or after school breaks up or annual leave starts.

Does nobody enjoy the waiting and anticipating special events?

I recall reading something years ago about learning delayed gratification being a key life skill and indicator of success. People who can't do it, who spend now instead of saving for later, have worse outcomes overall.

You're comparing apples and pears (has he consumed those as well), the life skill you're talking about is peparing for exams, or waiting until pay day or saving for a mortgage, working hard to achieve something that wont pay off until a few years hence

Not eating your own cheese in the fridge

Supersoakers · 23/12/2024 21:47

Traditionally Christmas started more on Christmas Eve and continued for 12 nights now it’s more before Christmas and drops off a cliff after nye, of course you need to get into the food before the big day!

SuchiRolls · 23/12/2024 21:47

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:42

There is a wider point here - which this thread has highlighted for me.
It seems almost no-one waits for Christmas day anymore.
What does that say about us as a society?

Show quote history

That all adults that work hard towards Christmas can enjoy the run up to it, the day of and the days proceeding? There’s no rules about this so do what you want. Your husband eating some cheese and having a drink is perfectly ok surely. Why so rigid? 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s an adult and if he wants to eat and drink and enjoy the excitement of Christmas let him. The whole celebration of Christmas (religious aspects aside) isn’t just one day and never has been. After all stuffing our faces and drinking alcohol can be done any time of the year. I think you’re taking your bat and ball home over this and there’s just no need.

Konstantine8364 · 23/12/2024 21:47

Fuck that! Christmas indulgence starts for me when I finish work for christmas. If he'd have eaten your treats and wasn't replacing them you would be justified in being pissed off but otherwise just unclench and let the poor man enjoy himself.

Onlyvisiting · 23/12/2024 21:47

No.
1- The way my life/work patterns work is that it's Christmas ish for me from at least today onwards, and I like it all done and dusted by new year.
2- you are only 50% of the household, different people like doing things different ways and yours is no more correct than his so it's pretty controlling to think you can dictate what he should do in your shared home with food you have both bought.
3: I just had really ripe brie on crackers with my soup. Its ALWAYS the right time for cheese!!

JaceLancs · 23/12/2024 21:47

We did our main food shop on Friday and have meal planned through till Boxind day with nicer than usual foods, snacks like cheese n biscuits, chocolates, cakes and biscuits are a free for all
Chinese banquet on Xmas Eve and the main Xmas day items are the only things that can’t be eaten early

latetothefisting · 23/12/2024 21:47

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:31

Too many people to reply to individually.

Totally agree it is a 'season', not just a couple of days. Just for me the season starts on 25th and runs until at least the 5th Jan.

I am not joyless - I love the joy of the excitement and anticipation.

For me the turkey dinner is no big deal. It is just a roast, with a few extra veg. We often have a Sunday roast. So that meal is not "the main event" - it is all the other treats like cheese and chocs that make the day special.

But it does seem I am old fashioned in this regard, I see the majority start sometime in December, or after school breaks up or annual leave starts.

Does nobody enjoy the waiting and anticipating special events?

I recall reading something years ago about learning delayed gratification being a key life skill and indicator of success. People who can't do it, who spend now instead of saving for later, have worse outcomes overall.

Does nobody enjoy the waiting and anticipating special events?

If I considered eating a piece of cheese to be a "special event" I'd be telling myself to get out more, tbh

Just accept that people are different to you. I can't imagine still wanting to pig out on 5th Jan - there's a reason most people start diets/health kicks on the first, because they've been eating through December.

If your husband paid for the cheese he can eat it (or at least his "half") whenever he wants.

Applepoop · 23/12/2024 21:47

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 21:31

Too many people to reply to individually.

Totally agree it is a 'season', not just a couple of days. Just for me the season starts on 25th and runs until at least the 5th Jan.

I am not joyless - I love the joy of the excitement and anticipation.

For me the turkey dinner is no big deal. It is just a roast, with a few extra veg. We often have a Sunday roast. So that meal is not "the main event" - it is all the other treats like cheese and chocs that make the day special.

But it does seem I am old fashioned in this regard, I see the majority start sometime in December, or after school breaks up or annual leave starts.

Does nobody enjoy the waiting and anticipating special events?

I recall reading something years ago about learning delayed gratification being a key life skill and indicator of success. People who can't do it, who spend now instead of saving for later, have worse outcomes overall.

I don't mean this in a nasty way, but you sound like an authoritarian extremist from the wrong century. In terms of outcome, if you want your marriage to have a good outcome, you should probably stop reacting in such an extreme manner to behaviour that is 100% normal and enjoyable in 2024.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 23/12/2024 21:47

KeepYourHandsOutOfTheFridge · 23/12/2024 20:58

We get the usual "special" foods for Christmas. Most of them (chocs, cake, etc) are put away upstairs, but the collection of posh cheeses are in the fridge.

I've just found out DH has eaten a big chunk of one cheese, and drunk one of his bottles of expensive drink. He says he'll go and buy replacements. I have said that is not the point.
These are expensive treats for us.
In my family, Christmas didn't start until Christmas day. DH and I discussed this, and agreed a compromise this year that we would start eating the nice stuff on Christmas Eve for a change (just us two in the eve, big family meal on the day itself).

I am disgusted - this shows a total lack of self control and ability to delay gratification - he is like a five-year-old with no self control. He is just destroying the sense of anticipation and looking forward to sharing the treats together.

Would this give you the rage?

I think you’re being ridiculous. Let him enjoy his Christmas break without watching over his shoulder to check if he’s eaten some posh cheese!