To leave the mess. Even if it means DM can't visit on Xmas day?

[Messedupabit]

Single parent 2 adult DCs, 2 younger. For the past 3 weeks I have repeatedly told DCs I need them to help get the house sorted for Christmas. Older DCs were asked/told to sort hallway/stairs/landing. Younger DCs asked to do toilet/bathroom. Younger DCs have done everything asked of them. Older DCs have done fuck all.
I've stopped doing their washing as its hanging in the hallway, has been for weeks. Coats, shoes etc lying all over said hallway. Basket full of odd socks in hallway, post and packages on the stairs,unwanted clothes (on vinted apparently) dumped on the landing.
If it's not sorted my disabled DM can't come on Christmas morning to see DCs open their presents as she can't get through the hallway.
AIBU to leave it and give DC some responsibility for their laziness?

I think you need new rules going forward as well as clutter and mess in hallways stairs and landing is a trip hazard and a worry if there was ever a fire. Here nothing is to be left hanging about in shared spaces, if it's not moved on first time of asking it's confiscated until I choose to give it back. Bedrooms are their space but need to be kept hygenic and reasonably tidy.I won't put up with living in a tip.

This.
Tell them they have 1 hour to sort stuff or its going out into the garden.
Do it.
They won't be long getting up.

My friend was sick of their shit lying about and gathered everything into bags and put them into the garage.
Phone chargers, bags, shoes, coats etc.
She couldn't remember where they were for 3 days.
Eventually said they are in the garage in black bags, next time they will be thrown out the back door.
It sorted it and them.
She's my hero😁

8 and 10

Haven't managed to read ever but had a ridiculous crying episode today so exh is coming in the morning (Christmas eve) to deal with it all while I take younger 2 out.
He won't let DM go without watching Santa's present opening.
New year, new me hopefully

I’m very glad to hear this. Hopefully they will understand the consequences of how they’ve been behaving and things will be easier for you in future.

I hope you’ll enjoy the Christmas present-opening with your mother tomorrow!

Great your ex is stepping in, but my heart
goes out to you
Have a great Christmas! and yes New Year, new rules and follow up of rules

If your elder two are nearly 20 that probably puts you in your early forties and I think you know what I'm going to say next!

Peri menopause can be a bitch and it's quite possible this is in play at the moment. The crying episode was very familiar.

Start reading up on it - you'll be gobsmacked at some of the symptoms (itchy fucking ears ...) and maybe speak to GP. Patches were my salvation.

https://10best.usatoday.com/interests/healthy-travel/surprising-menopause-symptoms-to-know/

Gather their stuff up in bin bags and put it in the garage or shed. Let them find it.

Yes, new year, new start. Perhaps new rules.

I am a messy person by nature. My room is messy. However, shared spaces I don’t leave messy. If I lived on my own I probably would leave stuff in hall etc. However I live with family who would be driven up the wall by this. One of family is tidy to the extreme. There was a time that couldn’t put something down for two seconds before being put in a better place. They thought coats hanging up were messy. Got to the stage we were constantly locking horns. In the end we had a chat and could see things from other point of view. They could see I wanted somethings to hand. I realised actually I don’t need three coats etc. One to hand and others in my wardrobe. Storage was also our friend. Sounds silly but getting a cabinet to put shoes in was a game changer. We have boxes where bits get chucked. Some longer term. One short term that we normally go through at a weekend. Odds socks in a bag on the back of airing cupboard door. Sort out every so often to pair up.

The fact you have one tidy DC and one messy bedroom wise makes me wonder if messy one impacting other. Like what is the point. Or it might just be if my space is ok it alright to leave other spaces a tip. Things on vinted can hang around so leaving on landing probably won’t work.

Have you asked older two what they think can be done to keep place tidier? May be if they have input it may work. If your ex does manage to sort, could you have no things in hall/stairs/landing. Anything there will be put in room/or serial items left out for bin

I was so hoping for an update with a picture of bin bags by the front door! Glad exH is helping.

I’d toss their stuff back into their rooms haphazardly. They’d have to deal with it or not, but it’s out of the way.

I would personally throw all of it in their rooms and let them sort it.

Have the young ones take it all upstairs and dump in tidy daughters room on her bed. Make it a game with a prize for them so it isn’t a chore. I bet she’ll soon have pigsty son moving his share when she realises it’s all in her space

Or tell the older two if they don’t do their share of the labor they have to pay their younger siblings to do it. My kids often pay each other to get out of something they don’t want to do and the other sibling is glad to have extra money.

Best answer I have seen, I would have said similar, I feel for the OP having lazy thoughtless adult children, someone else said return their presents, I would be tempted to go that.

Just chuck it all in a bin bag and deal with it after.

I would get a roll of bin bags shove everything in the bin bags and sling it all in the garage/spare room wherever is available. Then if they want any of their clothes/vinted items/coats or shoes they can hunt through. I wouldn't tell them or make a fuss. I would wait for the inevitable moment they are hunting for something and point them in the direction of a big pile of bin bags. " Have a look through those before I nip to the tip with them"

Chuck the stuff outside.

A mum I used to know had four children, and whenever they left stuff lying around, she would confiscate it and they had to pay to get it back by using their pocket money. I thought this was a brilliant idea!

You expect your 8 and 10 year old children to clean the loo?! 🤯

You expect your 8 and 10 year old children to clean the loo?! 🤯

For sure. They use it, and we don't have a maid so my 11 and 6 year old have grown up doing it. Started off they'd help me or watch, now they do it themselves. I don't know that it's any different to keeping their rooms tidy or helping with the cooking?

Box it up (very quickly) and dump it in their bedrooms, and tell them it's not to return when DM leaves.

Bin bags ,threaten to dump in bin

Say nothing! Get black bin bags lobb everything in them and throw them down the garden. Take pictures for Facebook if they kick off! The probably won’t even notice. Don’t tell them, just let them notice in their own time.

Perfect reply.