To leave the mess. Even if it means DM can't visit on Xmas day?

[Messedupabit]

Single parent 2 adult DCs, 2 younger. For the past 3 weeks I have repeatedly told DCs I need them to help get the house sorted for Christmas. Older DCs were asked/told to sort hallway/stairs/landing. Younger DCs asked to do toilet/bathroom. Younger DCs have done everything asked of them. Older DCs have done fuck all.
I've stopped doing their washing as its hanging in the hallway, has been for weeks. Coats, shoes etc lying all over said hallway. Basket full of odd socks in hallway, post and packages on the stairs,unwanted clothes (on vinted apparently) dumped on the landing.
If it's not sorted my disabled DM can't come on Christmas morning to see DCs open their presents as she can't get through the hallway.
AIBU to leave it and give DC some responsibility for their laziness?

I don’t think your poor DM should pay the consequences of their actions.

+1 for bin bags in the garden.

Possibly minus the bin bags.

It isn’t as simple as that as it tends to be stuff we all use. So I’m not binning plates, cushions, expensive kids shoes and clothes, cutlery. Toys I am regularly tempted to throw the lot out but somewhat harsh!

I also think the bin bag thing is reliant on the person sorting it. IME they don’t. Things just … stay in the bin bag!

Well if they stay in the bin bag, they lose them.

Plates and stuff my parents wouldn't have thrown out, and I knew that I would follow through in a threat to chuck my books or toys away and therefore my mother would so it never got to that point for me. My sister lost a pair of shoes and a Barbie set though, before she realised it was serious.

I have been known to push the vacuum cleaner towards toys I've asked my three year old to pick up. I only had to do that once (and obviously I'm not vacuuming up a three year olds toys) and now when I say put things away so we can vacuum, away they go.

Promise it will only take one or two things being actually thrown away before they know you're serious. But if you don't follow through on consequences, then you're right, it doesn't work. Same as any reward or punishment. You don't follow through, you aren't taken seriously.

Can you turn off the WiFi/ tell them they need to do it now immediately and why. If they don't can you book yourself and the two youngest into a hotel for tonight? Tell the oldest you have had enough and just go. They'll brick it and hopefully the place will be immaculate when you're back.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos possibly. I do find MN tends towards the ‘if you do X the outcome will be Y’ and I’m not sure this is true; human nature is a bit too complex for that.

True, and you have to tailor your approach to the people involved. But in this kind of situation, you generally find that kids don't want to lose their things and so will take it seriously. And if they don't care about the thing they won't clear away, you chuck it, and the mess is gone so you still don't have to deal with it. And you've done some decluttering. Still win win.

I also think it's one of those things you start when they're much younger than teens. So that when they're teens, if they hear the shout of "clear your crap or I'm binning it", they're very clear on the fact that you mean it and will clear their crap. If you start it when they're teens, they will push back.

Mine are very young. I’m pretty sure that if I tried the approach you suggest my DS would have an absolute hysterical meltdown, panic and scream and … nothing would change by the end of it!

Mine is 3. You'd be surprised. And I've seen it work with my sister, my nephew's and my niece. All different people, different sides of the family and different parents. They range from 11 to 30 now.

I would literally open teens door and throw everything onto their bedroom floor.

I'm on your side - lazy fuckers
It sounds like they have too much stuff if they can't be bothered to relocate it back to their rooms. Have a chuck out and stop replenishing clothes and 'stuff'. You may find they look after it when they have nought to wear

Yes, like I say, there’s a very X = Y and it doesn’t, not always. And there are differences in layouts and situations too. My priority to be honest is my own sanity.

I used to put my ex Hs endless clutter into a box and shove it in the shed at the end of our 100 foot garden if guests were coming. He used to go mental. I didn't care.

Yes. Just bundle things up and stick in their bedrooms. The mess didn't happen overnight. Don't let this spoil things for your mum. In the new year, hire a cleaner once a week.

I give people an hour to clean up their crap before binning it, and I follow through with the threat. I've only needed to bin things a couple of times.

Do your eldest still get stockings? If yes, give them a deadline of this evening and anything that is left, bin bag it all and they get that instead of stocking gift! Plus maybe some cleaning supplies....

Just get them up early to do it.

Take a bin liner, fill it with everything. Put it outside and tell them if there's anything they want from in it.to take it and put it in their rooms, otherwise it goes in the bin.

My Mum did this to us once when she'd asked us repeatedly to clean our rooms. It worked but as in my brothers case you do need to carry out the threat of disposal.

If it's not sorted my disabled DM can't come on Christmas morning to see DCs open their presents as she can't get through the hallway

You can't punish your mother

Give the kids a deadline

Tell them if they don't clear YOU will bag it all up and dump it

Do just that

Tell then
that have till mid day then it all goes in the bin. I do this regularly with my family and they know I’m not joking. Just do it. It’s incredibly cathartic.

Well, you do you, but when they're older teens and you're their skivvy constantly clearing away their stuff while they roll their eyes at the thought of picking up their own mess.... remember that you chose to do it all yourself.

Don't shift the burden of hitting on your mum.
As a PP said give them a set time after which everything is being bagged up and put in the garage or garden ( if it goes in their rooms it will creep back quicker).

Tell them they will not have presents if the set tasks are not completed by a set time (write them down, give them a deadline).

How many times have you asked them to clean the hallway etc? I know it should only take once but clearly this isn’t enough for your DC. I would ask them one more time today tell them it has to be done by X time and then when it isn’t I’d just chuck the lot on their bedroom floor or beds. Why spoil it for the younger DC, you and your mum?

Ummm, I’ve pretty much done this in the past. It actually worked when they had to find their vans/converses and superdry hoodies from the bin bag outside. never happened again.

If they kick off remind them they are adults and that they know where the door is if they want to go and live elsewhere. They are allowed to stay with you out of your kindness, not because you owe them anything.

I’d do this too.