To leave the mess. Even if it means DM can't visit on Xmas day?

[Messedupabit]

Single parent 2 adult DCs, 2 younger. For the past 3 weeks I have repeatedly told DCs I need them to help get the house sorted for Christmas. Older DCs were asked/told to sort hallway/stairs/landing. Younger DCs asked to do toilet/bathroom. Younger DCs have done everything asked of them. Older DCs have done fuck all.
I've stopped doing their washing as its hanging in the hallway, has been for weeks. Coats, shoes etc lying all over said hallway. Basket full of odd socks in hallway, post and packages on the stairs,unwanted clothes (on vinted apparently) dumped on the landing.
If it's not sorted my disabled DM can't come on Christmas morning to see DCs open their presents as she can't get through the hallway.
AIBU to leave it and give DC some responsibility for their laziness?

You need to lose you shit. Turn off the wifi and take their phones. Give them a list and if it’s not done on an hour the phones (or equivalent) are gone until school goes back.

If you can go to your DMs for Christmas, take the younger DCs and go. Pop a letter to Santa in a postbox to let him know. No Christmas for older DCs. They have too much stuff already if they leave it lying around and zero respect. Why should you buy them gifts or do anything nice for them if they can't tidy up? They aren't toddlers.

I'd have everything dumped somewhere, and let them know that you are returning their presents post Christmas to pay for a cleaner.

Give them another warning otherwise it’s bagged up in bin bags. Up to you what you do with the bags. Going to your mums sounds like a good idea. Could you say that Santa went to your mums as the house was too messy? Or he put the presents in the car as he couldn’t get in the hallway so you’re driving to your mums to open them there?

I have had to assert myself more than once with my older teens. They definitely go through student phase of not caring about their environment etc.

I issue a deadline - a time and then consequences. In your case WiFi off, privileges gone such as lifts, friends coming over etc and being treated as an adult.

They are living in your house.
i would clear the hall, put it all in their rooms and consider what action to take ( if they don’t do it themselves) If it continues then a review of their living arrangements. It’s not okay to mistreat their family home, it will need a bigger discussion after Christmas- your expectations going forward, and just start with your top three and go from there.

Agree with pp, bag everything up and put them outside.

It needs clearing anyway as this is surely a hazard.

Then continue with the plans you have already made.

Lazy teens do not get to rule the roost and cause alterations of plans.

This isn’t about Christmas Day. These adults have no respect for you treating your home like this. I personally wouldn’t tolerate it. I too would give a deadline and then black bin bag the bloody lot, followed by there personal belongings on the doorstep. No adult would cause such chaos in the house I pay for that prevented my own mother from visiting. That goes for any day of the week.

I absolutely could not live in a pig sty, Christmas or not. If they could not abide to my rules (which is a tidy room and my kids are 8&13!) they would have to move out.

So the older ones are 18 and 19? How old are the younger ones? The older ones are setting a bad example and if you don’t deal with them now the younger ones will think it’s ok.

The price of not cleaning up and doing as they’re told under your roof needs to be considerable to make a difference.
especially when they know what they are not helping will stop their grandmother from being able to visit.

I think at 18 & 19 it is a bit late in the game for taking phones off them personally. My 18 year old is 6'4 and lovely but if he wasn't I am not entirely sure how I would go about removing things from his possession without escalating things and people getting hurt.
Do you drive OP? If so I would bag everything up and take it to the tip. When they whinge and moan about it just tell them you thought they weren't bothered about the stuff as it's been cluttering up the hallway for so long.

Yes, I’d just put all their stuff in their rooms and point out that anything left in the hall will stop DM coming.

Oh my lord, I thought I was the only person in the world to use the phrase "smacked in the face with a wet fish!!"

This is what my mum would have done. My room may not have been immaculate but I never left anything out if I was asked to move it, because I knew it'd be binned if I didn't.

Think of it as an example for the younger ones too. You don't want them to see that the older ones get away with ignoring you and follow suit.

How has it got into such a state? I couldn’t live like this, the dumped items would have been chucked in their rooms long before now. Dirty clothes, shoes, Vinted items, all out of shared spaces.

I did the “everything” in the garden when DS left home and failed to come back for his “treasures”. I told him I was throwing them outside, it was due to rain and if they were still there in 24 hours they were going to the tip.

he wasn’t happy, he moaned, but he took them all to his new pad in the rain.

Tell the 2 younger ones santa can't come as its too untidy so he's delivering their presents to grandma's, take the 2 younger ones around and have a nice Christmas with your mum.

But make it VERY clear to the older ones now that that is what will happen and why, give them every chance to fix their behaviour and then follow through.
Don't give them the opportunity to feel hard done by and that you excluded them from Christmas.

Or open their bedrooms and throw it all back in. The landing is a clear zone. They can live in filth if they want but they don't get to take over the house with it.

Have a deadline. Set a time to start.
If no kids turn up tell them that all their things go straight in the bin bag. Allow only two hours to complete the task.
Additionally ask the older ones to complete a load of washing and vacuum the floors and the younger ones to decorate the tree..

I would pick everything up from the hall and dump it in the owners room. Tidy dc will sort it. Messy dc is just in a bit messier room.

I wouldnt be cancelling plans dm, me or other dc want to happen so I would still want dm to come over.

To be honest this is why I’ve never really found the advice to stop doing things works - the mess only bothers me! Of course it does sort of bother others but in a non specific way so the kids get more easily frustrated and prone to upsets, DH is moody and irritable because the state of the place has a sort of negative impact on everyone’s well being but they don’t know this and so don’t sort it. For me though, it really affects how I feel to live in a tip. So no answers here: doing it myself is the only thing that works.

Sounds like it's time for adult DCs to move out.

I have a large bucket type thing and I put all of my dd stuff in there (she too has a Vinted stack, but clean, Vinted, etc goes in this bucket) and put it in her room. Tbh it doesn't stop her and her bedroom is a pigsty. But it means my house is clear of clutter and I insist she keeps her bedroom door shut. Funnily enough if she's having friends round it gets clean. So she's more than capable and aware of what needs doing. She chooses not to.

Or, you bin their stuff if they don't clear it up. It's still clear and they have consequences. Win win.

Ohh! Get mad! Toss all there junk in there room. Like open door and fling. They will get the hint pretty fast

I would put all their stuff in their rooms, then change the wifi password and tell them it goes back on when they've all helped clean and hoover the hallway and bathrooms.

I definitely wouldn’t cancel family Christmas plans because of their lack of help.

Once you know that they are both awake send them a text that says “at 4pm today I am clearing the hallway so that grandma can come for Christmas. Anything not tidied away is going in the bin” and then at 4pm put it all in a bin bag in the outside bin.

Black bin bags and put it outside, telling them to sort it before the refuse collectors come. Don't accept them bringing the bags in and leaving them in the hallway.

How old are the adult DC? Is it time they left home and got a house share somewhere? EDIT: apologies just seen they're 18 & 19.

As an aside, your smaller kids are young enough to believe in Santa but you got them cleaning toilets and bathrooms?

I'd chuck DC 18 crap back into their immaculate bedroom.
DC 19 take "vinted" clothes to charity shop.
Return all presents and use money for day out with DM