Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

🤣🤣🤣 plus, he's not happy to take her anyway!

I went to the supermarket with my 61 year old mum yesterday. I doubt that either of us will especially cherish the memory 🤣

Do you have a son? Fast forward to when he is married with kids, and his wife won't "allow" him to spend a morning with you on Christmas Eve helping you shop

"He doesn't want to go"

But we all do stuff we don't want to- it's called being an adult FGS.

This is the saddest post I have read, and I am so glad that so many reasonable people reacted the way they did, saying to the OP that she is downright nasty.

Tons of people myself included work on Christmas Eve. It’s not Christmas Day.

I think both women are struggling to accept the role the other has in DH’s life. The OP unfortunately doesn’t have a family but DH does and his mother is family to him as are his wife and children. The SIL already does Christmas Day so if he has to do shopping on Christmas Eve it’s not that big a deal.

I get why he doesn’t like it, I’d absolutely hate it personally but we do things for our parents, it’s part of life.

The OP’s MIL clearly struggled letting go of her son, but the OP possibly because of her own background seems to be struggling to concede that her husband has more family than just her & their kids.

My own mother is widowed and there are times especially recently when I have to do things I don’t want to do as I’m the only child in the same country as her. That includes at Christmas. But she’s my mother and that’s life. I’m sure she’s done tons of things for me she didn’t want to do.

You have him there most of the time I presume? Taking his mom should not be a big deal to you.

YANBU

your MIL is only 66 and that is 6 years younger than me. You get old by acting old. You have given her plenty of choices. She is only going to realise when her son stops doing it for her. I used to take an elderly relative shopping. It drove me mad. In the end I just refused and said I would buy their shopping online with mine.You do get to say what your husband does as presumably if he took her out you will have to pick up the slack with the children.

Well, exactly. I went with my 66 year old mum last weekend. Maybe we should have a taken a photo to treasure the moment

Surely a Christmas film lasts 90 mins or so ?

You have all afternoon to fit that 90 mins in...

I hear you! From your description I thought she was going to be in her 80’s. And a tradition cannot be so if it is foisted on you!

it seems as though she is not prepared to be flexible on this and is expecting your hubby to take her no matter what - even though you already said no some time ago and that he is ill.

on the other hand I imagine she likes going with him as her dh would have previously so if feels familiar for her, and it doesn’t sound like she gets to see him or your family at any other point over the Christmas holiday.

I think as you forwarded her it wasn’t going to happen, offered reasonable alternatives and are unwell, then this time she could get a taxi.

I am 100 percent in your side, OP. Just ignore the posters who have gone all teary eyed at the sacred ritual of a boy and his dog mother doing the shopping in the horrendous crowds Christmas eve. OP os trying to make her own Christmas rituals and create a loving home for her children when she doesn’t have that experience herself. Lay off her she needs support.

I may have missed these points but -

1. how does she get her groceries the rest of the year? 2, is she buying for just herself or does she have Xmas guests? 3 does she like very crowded supermarkets?

It is sad isn't it.

It would annoy me but at the end of the day not to the point I would be this angry about it.

Find a compromise. Early in the morning for the food shop then DH home for lunch and the res too rhe day as a family.

I think its only kind to try and keep these little traditions for the older generations.

Well, like many others on here, I would never think I could take up hours of my son's time on Christmas Eve when he could be spending that time with his wife and children, just so I could do a bloody food shop.

Yes….. and the same DH, who for his own reasons, feels a sense of duty to oblige her - whether that’s love, loyalty or avoidance of guilt - and isn’t having it made any easier by a wife who seems to have a very similar mindset to the MIL.

Oh my God! That's why they have the photo booths, isn't it?!

Have you not read the updates?
A) mil is 66 years old and at no point have we been told she's frail
B) The woman has been offered umpteen alternatives
C) It's Christmas eve, the kids are small and they've all been unwell. Does a 66 year old really need to take priority?

No one’s ignoring it. If he doesn’t want to go, he has to tell her. Not skirt around making suggestions of other ways it could be done. It’s for him to decide if he wants to go, and say no if not. No for the OP to let him go. With her attitude, it seems to me the OP and MIL are almost as bad as each other! I’m begining to feel more and more sorry for the husband / son 😂

As I posted already you have the rest of Xmas Eve when DH returns and the WHOLE of Xmas Day! YABVU.

except
-he doesn't want to do it
-she's not "lonely and frail", she's 66. The Prime Minister is 62, ffs!
-she has another dd who would take her to the supermarket and who is spending christmas with her, but that's not the exact time she wants to go
-she has actively refused to see her DS and her grandchildren on christmas day because they give her a headache and she doesn't want to leave her cats!

why bother completely making things up rather than answering the actual scenario OP has posted? Join a creative writing class if you want to make up stories about a poor old woman alone on christmas...

She doesn't drive and is widowed. So if Xmas eve means getting out of the house with her son for some shopping it is obviously something she looks forward to.

Your plans are to stay in and watch movies. Your DH being present or not doesn't prevent that.

Who is going to miss out more out of the two of you? Her.

Yes it's annoying, but he should help is mum if he is well enough.

I wouldn’t ask or expect in the first place . But maybe I’m the wrong person to ask as I’ve had similar at the other end of my life. As a care leaver at 16 suffering with an eating disorder I was in a bed sit lonely and frail and the first Xmas there would have been horrific to some people but I had to make the best of it and not rely on anyone other than myself for what I needed and I know that although it was hard at the time it will
have set me up for if I’m alone when I’m old. I Just want a Xmas eve with dh and the dc. MIL gets Boxing Day each year and if she wanted to come here she’s always invited on Xmas day and never wants to ??

Her DH doesn't want to do it. OP's MIL has been hostile to her from the beginning of her relationship with her DH. She never wants to see her grandchildren as they are too noisy and she made OP's DH take her shopping when he had a 6 day old baby. She sounds like a controlling nightmare.

Of course! Traipsing round the shops is something to be remembered forever, it's just such a special, unique experience y'know!