Christmas lunch - guests, contributions and leftovers

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I can’t decide who IBU here so please help.

There’s a small number of us for Christmas lunch, we’re hosting. SIL (single, no children) has bought the turkey crown under duress. For completeness, we host every year for her and PIL (for the last 10 or so years) and haven’t previously asked for anything. Nothing has ever been offered either, no drinks brought round as a thank you. Now SIL is saying she will take all of the turkey leftovers!

I can’t decide if that’s fine as she’s paid for it or if she’s being a CF as she’s getting the whole Christmas dinner prepared (she won’t lift a finger while she’s here, never does).

So who IBU - me for expecting the leftovers to be left, or her for taking them all?!

Turkey is rank anyway. And a crown doesn't go far, there won't be any leftovers if you all like it

How odd a setup.
I agree with a PP, stuff your faces and give the rest to the dog.
(or fox).
😉

Reminds me of my SIL in a way. She will invite us all round for family bbqs, dinners etc. we all contribute food and drinks. She will wisk the food off the table as quickly as she can and hide it in the fridge. Woe betide anyone who asks for seconds or wants to take any home with them even though we paid for much of it 😂 x

And I thought I'd heard it all.

That level of meanness is its own punishment. No-one can be that mean and truly happy - it reflects a meanness of spirit.

Let her have the leftovers if it's that important to her.

She’s a fucking loser. Do not invite her next year. Please.

This is what I was thinking. 'Oh, haven't you brought a tub with you for the turkey, SIL? Oh dear, I can't find any of mine'. Don't let her have any plates or other things to carry it either. And disinvite her next year.

She sounds bad enough to cram it down her greedy gullet there and then rather than let anyone else have it!

Make enough teatime sandwiches to keep you going for a week! Tell her she's never bothered taking open bottles of wine or chocolate she's brought, 'Oh, sorry sis, you've never brought any, have you!

Do you have to invite her? She sounds pretty awful.

And hide them where she would least expect to find them

It's our old friend entitlement again! You've fed and watered her every Christmas for 10 years so now SIL thinks she's entitled to a free lunch. She should be ashamed to turn up empty handed every year.Give her the leftovers Op but be mysteriously unavailable next year

Have a couple of jars of Patak sauce or whatever ready.

She’d probably take that 😁

Your SIL sounds like a piece of work. As many have said, I'd be tempted to stash some turkey behind for yourself. How does she intend to transport these leftovers home? Please ensure full pettiness by reminding her to bring her own plate / freezer bags etc 😉

Tell her you’re keeping every scrap having had fuck all for her for 10 years. Why has she never contributed before? I’ve told my mum to give my cousin £100 as she’s hosting and the table will be groaning.

She might buy one perfectly sized so there are no leftovers! Don't count your turkey crowns quite yet.

Anyway my childish instinct is to generously send her home with all the turkey leftovers plus piles of leftover carrots, broccoli etc if you have them, and maybe not invite her next year. But it's easy to be peevish when it's not my life.

Honestly I think I would just say, "Look SIL, you've been coming to ours for Christmas for 9 years and never once contributed anything. Most people would have offered, or asked what they could bring. You never did. Now you've been asked to contribute a specific thing, you've agreed to do so with very bad grace after having your arm twisted, and you're already bagsying the leftovers. Maybe you should just stay home with your turkey crown because giving and sharing clearly aren't your thing."

Send them a menu with a price next to it. Tell sil she can have a reduced price as she is bringing the turkey...
Cfer she certainly is..

Op have you a dpet that could accidentally gets it's teeth into the leftover turkey??

Make sure she brings her own Tupperware as you won’t be providing any!

Perhaps dish up dinner then put the turkey back in the oven and instead of turning it off turn it up and burn the leftovers accidentally.

Or leave it within reach of the dog or cat accidentally.

She's a cheeky one.

For family celebrations like this I’ve always expected (and expected others) to contribute - with labor on the day, funds, bringing a dish, or taking equal turns hosting. Family holidays are not the same as inviting unrelated people to a random dinner party. She’s being a brat to never offer and to respond to a request like she did. It’s always a toss up between asking someone to contribute in a specific way (which can make for an easy yes and no thought or creativity on their part) or asking them to pick a way to contribute. Maybe she would have been less twatty if you had done the latter or changed to that course when she bristled? I would also say this is a communication task for the sibling, not the in-law… sometimes a brother or sister can (and should) pull a sibling up in a way the way their spouse can’t without problems.

At this stage of for this year’s celebration (unless your DH is willing to step up and tell his sister she’s being a pill) I would just kill with kindness. Chirpily say “oh of course, bring a few containers and we can portion up some leftovers so you won’t go hungry on Boxing Day.” After the meal, get them out and make a point of asking her whether she wants to take some of each dish. Really push the extras if she sticks to taking the turkey (“oh well if you’re taking all the turkey we won’t have use for a ton of these sides that are meant to go with it”) and your worry that she might feel like she’s being shortchanged. Let her play the role of inconsiderate miser if she wants to this year.

Exactly this. If I'd been enjoying a free Christmas lunch at a relative's for 9 years and then they asked me if I wouldn't mind contributing something, I'd be absolutely mortified thinking of all the previous years when I'd just taken them for granted and reduced them to having to ask me. It's so awful and embarrassing you've had to "convince" her to do so - she must have the hide of a rhinoceros!

As she leaves

"and for SIL, who for the first year ever, under duress, has finally contributed something towards christmas diner - the left overs. Don't worry, every scrap is there (& it f**ing would be) and yes we registered that, as per usual, you came in, sat on your arse & did nothing to help."

Hide a lot of in the larder and then say in a surprised tone + that didn/t gp very far did it?