Christmas lunch - guests, contributions and leftovers

[HardonCollider]

I can’t decide who IBU here so please help.

There’s a small number of us for Christmas lunch, we’re hosting. SIL (single, no children) has bought the turkey crown under duress. For completeness, we host every year for her and PIL (for the last 10 or so years) and haven’t previously asked for anything. Nothing has ever been offered either, no drinks brought round as a thank you. Now SIL is saying she will take all of the turkey leftovers!

I can’t decide if that’s fine as she’s paid for it or if she’s being a CF as she’s getting the whole Christmas dinner prepared (she won’t lift a finger while she’s here, never does).

So who IBU - me for expecting the leftovers to be left, or her for taking them all?!

Oh I'd do this, but I'm a petty bitch! 😂

If ever an update will be needed - it is on this thread 😃roll on Wednesday!!

Poor behaviour doesn’t need to be matched. Let her take the turkey home without playing any silly games about overcooking it, gorging yourself, giving it to the dog or creating a scene.

It’s all so undignified (on both sides) over a small bit of leftover meat.

Solve the situation by buying a second crown to cook for leftovers for the rest of the week.

I'd let her have the leftovers but then I'd not invite her again.

😁

I'd be tempted to send her a text which said...
"Hi Sil.
Thank you for agreeing to bring a contribution when DH and I entertain you and your side of the family this Christmas. I'm so glad you felt you could contribute.
I understand this is conditional on your being able to take the leftovers home with you.
Of course you may. I would never begrudge anyone some leftovers. You are so welcome to them, and at the end of the day, a few leftovers couldn't recompense me for my last decade of expense and effort spent in entertaining you and the family every Christmas."

Or maybe I'd just think it. 😁
At the end of the day, I guess I'd let SIL do SIL and leave it at that.

I'd ask her to cook it in her kitchen and bring it all carved up to save you time.

@HardonCollider scrape all the left over, turkey potatoes, sprouts carrots and gravy poured all over, onto a paper napkin and dump it in a tesco carrier bag! remember to spit and cough all over the food and let the dog have a good sniff too before you wrap it up. do not put it in the fridge all day! my older sister came to mine every year for 40 years and brought two bottles of wine, red and white. no one else drank the wine and she always made sure she took it home. one year i started pouring wine into all the glasses that people had left on the dining table till both bottles were empty! oops!

Backdate her invoices for every Christmas she has eaten at your home. Down to every last fucking sprout...
If she takes the huff then hoobloodyray..

Big back story. She lives 5 hours from me, is loaded and frankly mean. My cousins and her sister (their mum) go round frequently, take her out frequently, take her shopping, to appointments etc. They make her meals, even tho she is more than capable of cooking for herself. Everyone bar my mum in the scenario works.

She should be contributing, imo, as I would if I were being looked after to that extent. Don't you think that's morally right when she's far better off than them yet does nothing for them? Never takes anything round, doesn't pay for them on days out, doesn't offer petrol money if on a day out. She moaned when they took her on holiday that someone ate one slice of her bread. Everyone had taken food to share except her and no, she isn't showing signs of dementia etc. She needs reminding of manners since my dad died.

Let her host and pay for it all next year, she will soon realise the benefits of all contributing.

It is, surely most people offer or at the very least bring drinks even when not asked. Basic etiquette and respect for the person cooking and hosting.

When I go to my siblings I buy a case of wine and get up early on Christmas Eve to go and queue at the posh cheese shop for an amazing pile of cheese.

Not sure SIL actually appreciates the latter as she complains it makes the fridge smell.

But don't let her storm off with the turkey if it's before lunch!

I often wonder how much of the Christmas cheese mountain gets eaten?

I’m sympathetic OP. Up until fairly recently, my SIL would turn up for Christmas dinner every year , not bring anything, eat a lot and then fill up Tupperware full of leftovers to take home- without even asking. So I would feel annoyed in your shoes too. I’d also be a bit concerned about the size of the crown if she’s that mean. Might it be worth getting another piece of meat to go with it?

I think you’re a pair together! You’ve never asked for a contribution for the meal. She’s never realised she’s expected to buy something. Why have you never either asked her to do so, or made a list of attendees and assigned each of them to bring something! What does seem a bit off to me though, is the fixation that she should do so because you think she is more wealthy than you. Why on earth should that matter?

For years my Mother and MIL came every Christmas. Offered neither help or contributions of any type.

My mother would even call me in from the kitchen to deal with the kids, because she wanted them to like her.

My solution. I kept a bottle of sherry in the kitchen. Imbibed just enough to keep me mellow, but not enough so that I would tell them where to go😀

It is polite to bring something without being asked to do so like a child; this is what adults do. They don't spit their dummy out because they have to begrudgingly buy the turkey, then ask for the rest to take home.

Inadequate rather than small.

I hope she's bringing her own foil or food bag to take it home in. She'd be carrying it in her bare hands if it were me and she hadn't.

@HardonCollider perhaps also suggest that everyone goes to sil's next christmas!!

I provide everything for Christmas dinner except desserts. And I let anyone take whatever they like as leftovers. I don't care. However if I was told what I was sending home with whom, I'd feed it all to the dogs.
I even buy everyone the drinks they like and force any leftover drinks on them. They cannot escape my house without the remains of alcohol, even full bottles. But again if I was told in advance I'd be watering my composter with it all.

I like the passive aggressive idea though. Use as much in the main meal as possible, pile it high, offer Turkey sandwiches later, make a curry and freeze it before they all go home, feed the dog. Leave only bones, package the bones carefully. Hope she opens it at home.

Leftovers should go with PIL - pack them a nice tupperware of turkey to take home.

SIL surely won't dare say anything.

In reality I know I would have a menopausal hissy fit and scrape every last leftover including scrapings from every last plate - pile it into an unceremonious heap onto a silver platter at the end and dump it in front of her, whipping out an empty Tesco carrier bag so she can take it all home as a doggy bag.
I’d probably ask her if there is anything else she would like to take with her from our house before bidding her a merry f Christmas but I am not known for my tact nor my diplomacy - tbf she probably wouldn’t have dared ask me in the first place 🫡