To say no to step MIL

[empee47]

For the last two years, step MIL has booked theatre tickets for us and her to attend a Christmas show. For the last two years, my DH has squirmed when he mentioned it to me because his step mum had booked and paid for the tickets without checking we were free - she was taking a real gamble. We’ve accommodated her for the last two years even though it was massively inconvenient because we got home late, at 8pm, still had to rush around and sort dinner and then we were up early next day to travel a couple of hours for a sports competition for our DDs. Eldest DD12 no longer competes, but DD8 does, is very keen but needs her sleep. AIBU to say that no, this year, we’re not attending, as DD wants to focus on her competition and needs to be properly rested? DH thinks that if we’ve managed it for the last couple of years we can do it again this year. I say no, we’ve worked around her twice before to our detriment and I’m putting my foot down this year. Who even books and pays for tickets without checking that we’re free?

I think you are being a bit mean. It's a nice family thing to do at Christmas and you aren't actually doing something until the next day - 8pm isn't exactly a late night either.

Why doesn't your DH actually have a conversation with her about this? You two have had 2 years to be grown ups too and ask her to check the date before she books.

YANBU but I'm a bit puzzled. Did you/your DH tell her last time to definitely check first or you wouldn't be going?

Could he go with her on his own?

I think that YABU for waiting until now to tell her.
It could have been casually mentioned months ago that it's a busy time of year and it would be best to agree a date before booking.

Why haven’t you spoken to her ahead of time after her doing this repeatedly?

Why can’t you eat beforehand instead of ‘having to sort dinner’ after - surely you’re just making life hard for yourself there

8pm is not late. Get a pizza.

You’re being VERY Scroogey- it’s a lovely thing to do and if you read some of the threads on here you could do a lot worse. 8pm is not late either.

8pm is not late. I'd go but I'd use my voice and tell her to check with you in future. I'm not sure why either of you haven't done that before.

I think you're at fault for not discussing it with her if you knew it was coming. Yes, she's being silly not checking with you but it's a kind gesture and, I assume, part of your Christmas present. 8pm isn't exactly burning the candle at both ends either. I wouldn't refuse at this late stage, especially as she's shelled out money. It's up to you to be grown up about it and talk to her.

I can see it may be a bit of an inconvenience but she sounds like a nice step -mil to have so i think i would bend , but maybe nearer this time next year give her a list of dates that you can't do and make it very clear that you are unavailable on those dates.

Try adulting

8pm isn't late for adults but the youngest is only 8, then needs to be fed and is then getting up early the next day.

Ooohhh. Baahhhh humbug! It’s once a year!
If you really have a problem with the date, discuss that early on, rather than moaning

Can't you do dinner before the show?

Who’s voting YBU?

Honestly baffling!

This, with bells on.

Yes, MIL is daft not to check with you, but given that this has happened two years running, you must know that it could happen again, and you haven't mentioned it to her?

At 8pm is not late. Your DD coped before, I assume? And is now a couple of years older, so will cope again.

DD wants to focus on her competition and needs to be properly rested? Has your DD actually said she doesn't want to go to the show?

8pm to arrive home, do dinner, DD8 in bed at 9pm, she needs her sleep then up early next day to travel 2 hours to sports competition.

Thanks, that’s that I thought!

No, show finishes at 6pm and is also a 2 hour journey from our house.

Thank you

An 8 year old probably won't remember some competition they were keen on doing well in, in a few years time (and they may do perfectly well despite a later night), they will remember the family time at the show. If it was a 16 year old prepping for the Olympics it would be different.

Go to the show, eat fast food, go home and daughter goes straight to bed. Sorted

I think it's wild she wouldn't check first!!

It's a 6pm finish, a 2 hour drive home - then you have to feed and get the DC to bed. That's a late exciting night for an 8 year old who needs to be up early the next day for a competition.

Could DH take the eldest? Tbh I think it's silly he won't speak to step MIL and say that's not going to work, you should have checked etc.

Seriously? Can’t she have a McDonald’s in the car and then nap the rest of the way home. You sound very precious

as I mentioned to another poster, show finishes at 6pm and it’s a 2 hour drive from home