To say no to step MIL

[empee47]

For the last two years, step MIL has booked theatre tickets for us and her to attend a Christmas show. For the last two years, my DH has squirmed when he mentioned it to me because his step mum had booked and paid for the tickets without checking we were free - she was taking a real gamble. We’ve accommodated her for the last two years even though it was massively inconvenient because we got home late, at 8pm, still had to rush around and sort dinner and then we were up early next day to travel a couple of hours for a sports competition for our DDs. Eldest DD12 no longer competes, but DD8 does, is very keen but needs her sleep. AIBU to say that no, this year, we’re not attending, as DD wants to focus on her competition and needs to be properly rested? DH thinks that if we’ve managed it for the last couple of years we can do it again this year. I say no, we’ve worked around her twice before to our detriment and I’m putting my foot down this year. Who even books and pays for tickets without checking that we’re free?

She clearly thinks is now a lovely family tradition at christmas, and no one has told her otherwise.

Why on earth didn't some one say last year, thanks so much for the tickets but can we book for x date next year because of likely other commitments.

People who have a different opinion to you? Is that not what OP asked for?

I have an 8 year old who likes to go to bed early - usually in bed with a book at 7:30 - and even I can't see the big deal about getting home at 8pm.

I would just give the kids a sandwich or McDonald's in the car

No because that would be an easy solution.

OP wants this to be a big problem and for her MIL to be in the wrong

This is hardly onerous. Why don't you all go for a meal before the show?

Have a meal on the way home?

Can't you grab something to eat near the theatre, and then head home. Child can nap in the car and then get into bed when they get home

You're just making excuses. You don't want to go, just front up and say so. But 8pm isn't late. My 4 year old would manage that. Hungry? Get a McDonalds on the way home. You don't have to go home and cook a 4 course meal.

What 8 year old needs a nap at 6pm.

Excuses excuses. No reason not to go at all, get a McDonald's on the way home.

I would imagine the people voting YABU are those who have read the thread all the way through.

Christ alive she's 8 not two, they're getting home at 8pm not 1am.

the DC used to have clubs that didn't finish until 8pm. Packed tea or drive through, home about 9pm. Shower & bed. No big deal and this was every week and often an active thing like swimming & often with an early start for a competition or show the next day.

you're being completely wet about this.

your step MIL is also being ridiculous booking a family tickets without checking the date with you first. What did she say the previous 2 years when you asked her to check the date first before booking in the future??

Apart from the waste of money for your & DD2 tickets, DD2 shouldn't miss out because you're being wet about getting home at 8pm!

I used to be heavily involved with theatre & we used to organise it so the little ones, under 8's could be in the second half or not & their parents could decide on the day. Interval would have been roughly 9.20 and this was almost every night for 2 weeks!! well 3 weeks because of the technical week leading up to it.

8 & over were automatically in the second half & it wasn't optional unless arranged when they were offered the part.

No idea why neither of you have put on your grown up pants and just told her to check the date before booking anything.

Aside from that you're just putting imaginary barriers in the way to make a point. A point that could have been made by just talking to each other. An 8 year old can have a McDonald's in the car, or order a pizza in time for when you're home, and be in bed for 8:30. Even if it was later than that, a one off is fine.

It is a bit weird not to be asked about availability for a four hour round trip.

Why can’t you get McDonald’s or similar for your kids to eat in the car in the way back?

Why doesn't she eat before going to the theatre? Does she want to go?

Free time?

What does your DD want to do?

Can you get food before driving home?

I do agree that the mil should check dates before booking but she probably doesn't realise seeing as your DH hasn't said anything to her for now 3 years in a row!

Husband can go with eldest daughter.

Exchange the words Step MiL for DM. Would you have started this thread? It sounds as you are determined to make a mountain out of a molehill.

I agree. But it is also weird to let this go on for three years instead of using actual words to say please check with us beforehand..

it probably should have been mentioned before now that it was inconvenient although she really should check first can you take a packed lunch or something to eat in car on way home & maybe mention to check in future before booking.

How has this happened 3 years in a row without having a conversation about checking in advance?

Sod the logistics.

The principle that you cannot simply book tickets without checking availability needs to be driven home now.

Yes you should have said something last year and the year before. But it's time to say something now, it's incredibly arrogant and controlling to expect people to drop everything because you haven't bothered to check availability. She must know there's a chance you couldn't make it, she's lived on Earth a while now so must be familiar with the concept that people sometimes plan other stuff.

Can you not do a packed supper or stop at a takeaway and eat in the car?

Why didn't you pre-empt this?