Are today's young people more childish?

[HelenInHeels]

I've noticed this a lot on public transport, trams particularly from teenagers say 15, 16 years old or thereabouts. And in town.

They seem far more childish than my friends and I were at the same age. We were wanting to be seen as grown up. Now I see a lot of squealing, shouting, shoving and pushing, yelling and behaviour I'd expect in seven year olds. Usually in mixed groups, but not always.

I was mortified if I was seen as a "child" at 15 (technically I was of course) and we were just not like this. I'd have been mortified if I'd acted like this.

Have today's young people really changed so much? I'm talking late 90s here not the 1960s!

Totally agree with everything you say here.

Depends on how they have been brought up. Some do seem very naive yet in other ways some act like adults at 13/14. Mine were pretty streetwise to be honest but they were brought up in a medium sized city and I expected them to use public transport from young and take themselves places because I was working. Quite different to dsd who was brought up in a town where she was walking distance from school and friends.

I'm a strong believer in needing to increase responsibility and freedom gradually adapted for the individual child (rather than calendar age) and it worked for us as I have independent young adults now.

I think it depends on the area. We used to live down south and the children there stay young for a very long time. They aren't given any independence or responsibility. My SD's Mum complained we weren't appropriately safeguarding SD because we allowed her to play in the shared garden of our block of flats without adult supervision when she was 10, and still wouldn't let her cross a road without holding her hand when we were looking around secondary schools. I tried to say hello to one of her friends, who was walking along holding hands with his Mum and he hid behind her- he was 9 at the time. I'd have been mortified to have been holding hands with my Mum at 9, let alone hiding behind her. The Mums at the school gates were still talking about the hard work of managing their children's social lives and so on in Year 6, when I would expect them to be organising their own lives. I found it very odd but it was normal for the area. You see the same types on Mumsnet who think a 14 yo requires a babysitter.

We live in a different area now and it's much more normal for children to play outside, take risks, and make mistakes. In the main, they seem less babyish.

I remember going to Australia be wondering why there were so many tall healthy looking people, my ex said “like goldfish, you grow to the size of the bowl”. Those of us raised in the 70/80’s might have been more streetwise. But I think 24 hour news (creating a constant state of danger) and the sheer volume of traffic was not something our parents had to navigate. Meanwhile I was constantly being told by my parents that being a kid I the 80’s was no where near as dangerous or fun as the things they used to get up to in the 1960’s and that their music was better. My grandparents were the same.

People used to have larger families so children were left to their own devices a lot more. Nowadays people have one or two children and so those children become their parents' whole life project, hence helicopter parenting. In my day it was unheard of for a parent to attend a university open day with you or (the horror!) take you to a gig. But now I know parents who do everything with their children. I know teenagers who have never been on public transport until they go to university.

When I was a teenager I and most of my friends really wanted the sophistication of the adult world. It was all art-house cinema and difficult authors and obscure bands and experimental cuisine. I find it strange that so many teenagers and twenty-somethings seem stuck in the tastes of primary school children. It's this weird combination of being super clued-up about the STEM world but still into Paddington and Harry Potter and Taylor Swift.

My son said some of the girls took dolls into school with them on the last day of school - in year 9!

Plenty of 15/16 year old in clubs nowadays where we live. I don’t think that’s a sign of maturity though.

I don't think so. You're just getting a snapshot of their behaviour, but you can't act older than your brain development will allow so it follows that teenagers have always been the same.

You do know brains don't develop on their own? They aren't magic growing machines. They develop based on input.

I was thinking this when watching Love Island earlier in the year. The contestants in their early 20s act like 15/16 year old!

I disagree. Infantilising children does them, and society, no favours.

Not infantilising just treating them the age they are. Before COVID it was normal to see a 12 year old girl look like they we 21. They would be in long term relationships and would have already had their lives planned out.

I see it less now a 12 year old is allowed to be 12

They've been sheltered. And they've lived through a pandemic, which must have been terrifying.

I got a full time job three weeks after my 16th birthday, in another town, living away from my parents. I'm pretty sure I wasn't squealing, shouting, shoving and pushing, or yelling. I lived for a while with my friend and her husband and baby - they got married at 18 and 17 (still married btw).

Back when I was a teen, in the 8ps, we thought we were oh so grown up.
The reality is - we generally weren't. We were silly, loud in a group, and generally annoying to onlookers I'd imagine.

Pretty much like teenagers of today.

The perception is that we felt more grown up. Reality is we almost certainly wasn't.

At 15/16 I was still at school, not working, and still wanting to hanging around with my mates.

No teenager I knew or know, when with their friends, were sat silently on a bus communicating in whispered voices tbh.

Kids don't drink or do anything wild anymore.

Ime the majority do - well drink at least. Just not as early, mainly due to the clamp down on age checks. Even sat in parks, etc to drink - like back on the day - is trickier as they are quickly moved on ime.

Go into any university city though and you'll definitely see the majority of those teens and young adults drinking.

I do think they are 'younger' now. My 16 year old is streetwise, we live in a city, he's been getting around independently for years, but he cannot comprehend that at his age I was living independently and working full time, we sure were in a hurry to grow up back then! They also don't seem interested in romantic relationships until older these days either (not a bad thing!)

And tbh the only people to blame for teens being ill equipped or infantilised would be their parents - the same people who appear to be critiquing teenagers for not acting grown up.

Fwiw most teens and YA I know are perfectly capable of doing things for themselves, when given the chance to.

I agree with you. Far more immature in some ways (phoning parents all the time, anxiety about the smallest things etc) but they’re more knowing in others due to the internet and that must be difficult. I don’t have kids this age yet but taught secondary for years and love this generation of kids. Love how thoughtful and caring they are. They give me so much hope for the future.

I'm just thinking back over some things in my own family.

My nan left school at 14, married at 17, first child at 18, 3 kids by 23. On paper much more mature than teens today.

However, she wasn't ready for any of it. Grandad managed the finances. She never educated herself beyond the education she received at 14.

I was left in charge of babysitting 4 kids, regularly at 13 (includinga 6 month old baby). It was just luck rather than judgement that no accidents happened.

My late Nan was born in 1899 and was a teenager during WW1 . She said old people were always telling off teenagers and saying they had no respect. The word teenager wasn't invented then though .

She was sent to the pub to get a jug of beer at ten , was looking after younger brothers and sisters alone and had to chores at home .

At 13 she was working and was treated and expected to behave as an adult . Most girls were married at 18/19 and had babies straight away .

She said her and her friends were obsessed with boys , and laughed and eye rolled at old people . Fights , theft and drunkenness was common . Then before she knew it she was an old woman . She said her life had been like a bird flying overhead .

She died peacefully in 1984 and I still miss her x

I was a baby sitter in my street until the early hours at the age of 15 in the 1970s . The parents would leave my money and a packet of cigarettes and matches on the mantelpiece. Does babysitting still happen ?

I think it's good that parents aren't usually forced to leave their kids for hours and that kids aren't pushed into growing up too fast. I wouldn't want to return to a time where young teenagers are going clubbing, but I'm also conscious that we might be teaching them that they can't rely on their own judgement or that they can't be trusted to make good decisions.

I think there's a happy medium where we can allow some independence while still being there as a backup if things go really wrong. It's a huge boost to a kid's confidence if they are in a situation where they have to sort out an unforseen problem and they manage it themselves.

They are certainly less resilient.

I think exposure to the internet and gaming, coupled with Covid, has been a disaster for many young people.

She said her life had been like a bird flying overhead .

So beautiful. And so true.