Did I do the wrong thing keeping newborn’s hands covered ?

[Flowersandforests]

I’m a first time mum and MIL is making me start to doubt myself… my baby was born with quite sharp nails and scratched her face in the first night in hospital. Because of this & because I was nervous to try and cut her nails / between constant nappies and feeding it wasn’t top of my priority list, I used the inbuilt mitts on her baby grows and generally kept her hands covered for the first 5-6 weeks.

Shes now 12 weeks old so hasn’t had her hands covered for a while but every time MIL has seen her she’s made comments about how nice it is to see her hands and saying to the baby things like oh mummy kept your hands covered so grandma couldn’t see your hands etc.

Last night SiL was round and make a big deal about her hands not being covered now so clearly her and Mil have been talking about it.

It’s making me panic that I did the wrong thing? Should I have kept her hands uncovered straight away?

That's exactly why you can buy newborn scratch mittens. Not that they stay on!

Oo I didn't know that!

I'd double down going forward. "Oh baby, show Nanny your hands, she loves to see them" , "Nanny, look at baby's hands, aren't they beautiful", "Show Nanny your hands, clever girl" etc. I'd even go so far as to get her hand prints on a mug and gift it for birthday or Christmas saying you know how much she loves her hands.
Probably too much, but I hate it when people do this kind of stuff.

I used scratch mitts on and off because my newborn DD had claws not nails - so sharp! On one occasion whilst in her car seat aged about 8 weeks she scraped her face so severely she still bears the scar at 18, I wish I’d used them more frankly! You’re fine, and cutting newborn nails is scary, you’ve done nothing wrong.

This. Of course you didn't do the wrong thing!

Op, don't you let these two cows make you doubt yourself.

Assert your choices. You are your baby's parents. Not them.

Congratulations on your baby. I am another one who used scratch mitts on for ages on my first child. My child was overdue and was born the day before she was going to be induced so the nails were very long to start with.
Don’t worry about it. It didn’t do any harm at all! We are all allowed to be precious with our babies. 😀

I used baby socks on my firstborn as the mitts didn't stay on and the inbuilt ones on the sleepsuits weren't around then!

It's possible you're being a bit oversensitive although absolutely understandable. Still mentioning it 6 weeks on is strange though and I probably would start to take it as a dig. It's weird MIL would have an issue with that in particular though as I'm guessing the keeping hands uncovered thing is probably a more recent phenomenon.

I'd just say things like "aww but at least you don't have any scars now as you were always tearing at your little face" and shrug it off.

Beware as there'll probably be many more similar things like this! Again, I'd just address them sweetly, through your baby if need be, as to why you've chosen this route.

My stepmum was fantastic when I had my babies. She'd often offer advice but was always sure to follow this up with "this is what I used to do with mine, but I'm sure it's probably different these days so might not be recommended now". I never once felt she was overstepping. My MIL not so much, but I'd just grit my teeth with much eye rolling behind her back 😂

Haha! Yes, get her something with handprints every year until baby is 10 years old

And yes, this! Absolutely do this 😂😂

I don't think you were wrong to use scratch mitts if they were needed, but I do think you're wrong to let a couple of comments like this send you into a panic. Different people, particularly from different generations, have different views on how to dear babies and children and I don't honestly see why your mother in law's comment was so bad that you've got so concerned. If she's anything like my mother in law, or friends' mothers in law, she is highly likely to say much much worse in the years ahead, and I think you need to let comments pass over your head with a polite smile.

😂so true

except in my case, I was nervous so I asked the health visitor to do it. She made the baby bleed instead!

My 7 year old has a scar on his cheek from scratching himself as a newborn. It's not very visible but it's still there. You did the right thing, ignore her.

Oh geez. She's going to be a passive aggressive pain in the arse, hope your husband will have your back when you need it down the line.

OP - they wouldn’t make sepsis with inbuilt scratch mittens unless they were needed - and your dc needed that facility for a while so you were sensible to use them. If you hadn’t used them and dc had scratched themselves - especially on the face - they would be making passive aggressive comments about silly mummy not letting you wear scratch mitts because you’ve scarred your beautiful face by scratching it… they are just flexing and using whatever they can to be mean to you (but in a way that they can turn around and say they were only joking/you’re too sensitive/ they don’t really mean it etc as bullies often do.

use the same technique to talk back to them and they’ll soon shut up and not think it funny. And if they complain you can just say that you were only doing it because you thought that’s how they liked interacting because you were just copying them.

no consolation but my gran used to worry that she kept my uncle’s hand covered in scratch mitts for the first couple of years of his life - he had such bad excema that if he didn’t have the gloves on (or his hands covered in other ways) he would have scratched himself so badly that it was the only thing she could do. He is now in his late 80s, did a job that he needed to use his hands for to do very delicate things and is still a fit and productive member of society. The important thing is - his hands were fine even after being covered for much longer, it wasn’t something that my gran wanted to do but it was better than him injuring himself and scratching himself as a baby and as he didn’t scratch himself he never had to suffer like he might have done and like she had seen other children suffer!

Was it nice to do - no.
Did she feel guilty - yes
Did she think she had done the right thing - yes, eventually she knew he was ok.

Babies use their hands from birth to map their mother and stimulate milk flow, this behaviour is seen in bottle-fed babies too and helps with bonding and self-soothing. You haven’t done anything wrong, your MIL and SIL are probably just nit-picking, but it is objectively wrong of PPs to say that there is no reason baby’s hands should be out. We can have this knowledge, based on much research, and still sometimes cover their hands.

I detest comments like this particularly to new mums. I used to put socks on my baby's hands they went up to their elbows, easy to keep on. Can you imagine the comments i got. I hated my mil and sil x2. Thought I had the scummiest job being a midwife! I mean wtf! Glad they lived at the opposite end of the country from us.

Get some glass nail files. They only cost a couple of quid and last forever. They don't have a rough surface like usual nail files so no risk of scratching the baby's skin and they make very quick work of nails.

I have eczema and scratch in my sleep so I use them for a couple of seconds each night to smooth off any sharp edges - it only takes one swipe.

Your in laws sound nuts to be making a big deal out of it. I think we all use those inbuilt mitten things, I definitely did.

I did a course the other week though regarding newborns and what they are capable of (way more than I ever realised), and actually keeping their hands free is important as it’s key for self soothing (think how much we touch our face or bring our hands central when worried/ upset/ tired to self soothe).

Baby nails are the sharpest thing in the world, but if I could do it again knowing what I now know I would leave his hands free.

Don’t beat yourself up, we all do it, mittens have been around forever. Be kind to yourself, parenting is stressful.

And point out to your in laws that the constant saying about it is driving you nuts. Sometimes they just don’t know what to talk about and cling onto something. My MIL always makes a joke about how we must be starving him when he eats hungrily. Our son isn’t that interested in food and getting him to eat can be really difficult. That comment hits me like a freight train every time, she doesn’t mean anything by it, it’s just a way to make conversation with her grandson, she doesn’t realise how much I worry about his weight, it’s not a personal attack.

My midwife told me my baby wasn't a bear or a cat, she has hands not paws so there's no need to use them all the time. I think I only occasionally used them at night when I noticed her face was getting scratched. I think it's incredibly strange you kept them covered for so long. Did you not go to any baby classes? See other babies?

I think up to 6-12 month baby is not even aware these are ‘her’ hands … that’s why baby will scratch face- chew on them etc.

seriously : this is no biggie .

life is hard without family making it harder .

giver your best Paddington hard stare and then one of the comments already wisely made .

stay strong ! You are doing a great job !!

What a pair of shrews. Babies can badly scar their own faces and it can take months to fade. You’ve done nothing wrong and they are not being nice.

How many baby classes were you doing before your baby was 5 weeks old ?!

My youngest baby had an awful rash over his face for first few weeks so he had scratch mitts on most of the time.
Every time I saw MIL she would say that baby doesn't need gloves its summer and every time I would say they are not gloves and I have told you he won't leave the rash alone.

She turned up with SIL one day(so was showing off) and first words out of MIL mouth was to shout I've told you get those gloves off that baby now.
I shouted back I am sick of you mentioning bloody gloves,they are bloody scratch mitts...silence...she never mentioned gloves again.
It did my head in.

You say something OP.
Tell them to mind there own business

I kept my babies hands covered for around the same amount of time too and funnily enough my MIL also commented about seeing his hands. I didn't take any notice. My baby, my rules and like yours, his nails were super sharp!