Did I do the wrong thing keeping newborn’s hands covered ?

[Flowersandforests]

I’m a first time mum and MIL is making me start to doubt myself… my baby was born with quite sharp nails and scratched her face in the first night in hospital. Because of this & because I was nervous to try and cut her nails / between constant nappies and feeding it wasn’t top of my priority list, I used the inbuilt mitts on her baby grows and generally kept her hands covered for the first 5-6 weeks.

Shes now 12 weeks old so hasn’t had her hands covered for a while but every time MIL has seen her she’s made comments about how nice it is to see her hands and saying to the baby things like oh mummy kept your hands covered so grandma couldn’t see your hands etc.

Last night SiL was round and make a big deal about her hands not being covered now so clearly her and Mil have been talking about it.

It’s making me panic that I did the wrong thing? Should I have kept her hands uncovered straight away?

Och what a couple of bores they sound OP - retailers sell scratch mitts and baby gros with hands for a reason. If MIL had something to say she should have said it once then let it be. Start training your ignoring muscle 😂

Back "in the day" (admittedly quite a long time ago!), it was ok to bite a small baby's nails, they are so soft anyway and this seems better than faffing about trying to cut them - is this still "allowed"?

I think some people just find baby hands cute, and like to have a look at them. I seem to remember people unwrapping my baby's hands when they were very little and had scratch mittens on. I let them have a look, then wrapped them back up. Your MIL and SIL are in the wrong to make you feel somehow bad or guilty about it though. Congratulations on your baby OP x

I don't like the sound of this. It sounds like bullying with the two of them. You are a new mother and it's hard enough without them being like this. Of course you did nothing wrong. Your baby is safe and thriving. You are doing a good job.

Your DH needs to tell them to stop this. If you want advice you'll ask for it. And to make it clear to them the baby is yours and his so they can rein it in.

This YOUR baby and your in -laws are thick! Don't let them dictate to you . Enjoy your little one. x

Whether you were right or not it’s hardly helpful for them to keep raising it now.

Stand for up for yourself now or it will get worse.

Be polite, say it with a smile and you can get away with most things!

These worked for me:

*Grandma’s needs aren’t more important than the baby’s safety.

*Talking negatively about me to the baby is unkind and a bad habit to get into, she’ll soon be able to understand you.

*Do you realise you are undermining me?

Final advice, every time they are rude about you while holding the baby, calmly take the baby back and leave the room. Don’t stomp off crying, just smile, say “excuse us a minute” and leave.

Bad behaviour has consequences for grandparents as well as small children, they’ll get the message eventually. 😆

Your DH needs to nip this nasty behaviour in the bud. It’s not about mittens, it’s about control.

BTW my elder DC had nails like razors. She wore mitts.
She is now a veterinary surgeon and is also a talented artist so it didn’t affect her fine motor skills!

I think dms and mils think they know best and even if their advice is outdated and against mw advice they use the evidence they raised a family already and they turned out fine as proof of how right they are.

I'm older, we used to nibble baby nails off. Also intrigued by integrated mitts on baby grows, never seen them! These must also be something new.

I’m old enough to remember when scratch mittens were a thing.

YANBU. And I agree it’s terrifying to cut your tiny baby’s fingernails.

Ignore them or say “you’re not still banging on about that are you?”

You don’t need to use them and I did at first until I read an article about why not to, but if your baby had a particularly sharp nail and that’s why I wouldn’t worry. Just don’t use them now 🤷🏼‍♀️
Babies are used to feeling their hands in the womb and also for feeling boobs when Bf :)

Two can play that game. Maybe you can communicate with MIL and SIL entirely through the baby from now on?

'Oh, silly grandma. What a strange thing for grandma to comment on, not being able to see your hands, whatever will she complain about next?!'

YANBU.

Your MIL and SIL are just arseholes. Lots of babies are in scratch mittens, they don't do any harm.

Cut down on the amount of time you see your MIL and SIL. They are just trying to upset you.

It’s because it’s stops developmental things like baby sucking on hands which is quite important, although of course it won’t do any harm to use the inbuilt mitts at times and lots will use them overnight. You wouldn’t keep your baby swaddled all the time, that’s just for night time, as it’d be bad for baby to be swaddled at all times.

I agree with a pp who said your mil is a passive aggressive nightmare.
My mother was the same and the only way to shut her up was to tell her to stop, very forcibly.
You could try laughing at her “ oh stop it with the hands Mildred, She has feet as well but I didn’t keep those permanently on show” “ Yes Mildred I know you can see her hands and her eyes, and her nose, and her mouth”
If she glares at you looking clueless ( my mother’s tactic) Say quietly I know what you’re doing and it makes you look very silly then move on quickly.

I sometimes put baby socks on DS's hands, as scratch mittens would fall off. Your MIL and SIL would have had a field day with that.

This. What the pair of them have done is totally unacceptable. They are knocking your confidence as a new mum - appalling behaviour. What you did was absolutely correct - that’s what the built in mitts are for!

You are going to have to think through how to respond to similar comments going forward. I’d favour a cheery response which is a put down, but delivered with a smile. Never look nervous or anxious in front of these two - sounds like they will walk all over you, given half a chance. So if this comment comes again, go with ‘silly grandma!! She doesn’t know that that’s what the mitts are for! To keep your lovely face safe!!’

And yes, I would tell DH that you’ll not stand for any more of it. Be prepared for him to minimise it though. In my experience it only tends to dawn on them when they hear it themselves. My MIL blew it badly once when DH had told her in advance that we didn’t want to discuss some surgery I was having and she agreed - only to raise it when he was out of the room, but he walked back in, heard her, and told her to stop.

Sounds like mil thinks she's entitled to your baby!

Don't let them undermine you, get your DH to talk to her.

Don't listen to her. Some people need to feel superior and will try and make you feel like shit and like you know nothing because you're a 1st time mom. You know your baby best, and I'm sure like most of us, you spend ages researching, reading, learning about everything and you make your own decisions based on what works for you and your babe. Be confident in your choices, and reply "OK, thanks for the advice. I'm happy with what I'm/we're doing right now, it's working for us", and if she keeps going just keep staing "OK, I don't want to talk about it anymore". You'll soon become immune to it.

If you want, you can try this kind of file on your baby's nails, maybe while they nap, as they can find it quite interesting and try and mouth it 😅
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Electric-Safety-Trimmer-Clipper-Fingers/dp/B07MXNVLMD/ref=mpsa14?crid=3L5ZSRYIF3HP2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.01pp3sIEFQ83dFQwKdLRwLfv9AFdvloBmuLZniw0RCwKknaRBBGhDxOs71qz8nrIn-aJvIVaLOZig7HuCkjCKP-J9vghyFD3A4GFt2j8JIz99amtnUtIeIUsD0CqvloS5xZRr7OpORNKyDDTCjdPEXuSu1lMNeQhzmGSUXw7wYsyzD3t75cw6r3u1EjCy8AFLy0TmI7JOB3vnE-0bw.d0pH0kryjkXXVsMSrFwWtjWL9jecZdpDSGHBsyJYA&dibtag=se&keywords=baby+nail+file+electric&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1734772334&sprefix=baby+nail%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-4

Not the wrong thing they just probably wanted to see the sweet little baby hands

Next time they say something politely but firmly ask them to stop. They'll do the hurty feelings thing but point out they have been rude and hurt your feelings and they haven't worried about that.

Second time, take baby back and tell them to leave. If your DH protests tell him he can join them if he won't support you because you will not tolerate being continually insulted and undermined.

Be firm with your boundaries or you'll have years of this.

And yes, I did do this. When my baby was 4 months old she gave her a chocolate finger because I was mean and wouldn't let grandma feed her. Went batshit, left and didn't go back until she apologised 3 weeks later. Set the tone and meant we could have a good relationship because she knew I would happily enforce boundaries. And before I get the wait till they are older comments, my daughter is now a teen and exists solely on sweets, pot noodles and pizza but at least I know she had vegetables at some point in her life!

Luckily my husband was fully on board and supportive. His mother threatened to turn up at the hospital while I was in labour and he told her if she did and he missed supporting me when I needed him it would be the last time she saw either of us.

Oh yes it is wrong. MIL could have asked why OP was using the mitts and accepted the explanation. Instead she went with a put down. Women who do this don’t deserve to have access to their grandchildren. It costs nothing to rein in snipey, unhelpful comments and instead to compliment and support a new mum.

As pp have said, easiest way to trim a tiny baby's nails is to nibble them. I was advised to do that and remember doing so!

At the hospital with my first, one of the midwives told us that the baby uses their hands to feel things and we shouldn't put scratch mitts on him.

With my second I ignored this. I mean FFS it's hardly detrimental to stop them scratching themselves.

Sorry your MiL and SiL are so nasty. You did nothing wrong.

So how did it actually affect the millions of people who wore mittens as a baby?
Coz it's quite hard to spot them as adults.