No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

I do get it OP - it's your first Christmas as a mum and something you've wanted for so long. 10 years of waiting for this baby is a long wait and we don't know what you've gone through in that time.

But men are a bit different in their thinking sometimes especially around things like cards.I think if you'd really like one, I would still remind him. He still has to choose it and write in it and give it to you, all of that still means something.

And, my other advice is - switch this thinking up - what is extra special this year is you can give your very first card to your baby. If you keep this as a keepsake too I can guarantee they will love it when they're all grown up!!

Some of the replies really lack empathy. There is no objective standard of what OP is supposed to think and feel. Who cares if it's a bit unusual by some people's standards? It matters to the OP and her feelings are hurt.

OP, I echo the kinder posters: talk to your DH, gently remind him that having a card with Mum on it matters to you and why, and then trust him with that. It's all you can do. Enjoy your first Christmas with your baby xx

How mean.

imagine expecting someone who’s supposed to love you to remember something you told them mattered to you that would inconvenience them for a whole five minutes to do.

No wonder so many women are in crap relationships that don’t meet their needs when this is the attitude.

No wonder people then have to come online to make other people feel as bad as they do.

It's not Christmas yet! I only posted mins yesterday, one abroad i certainly haven't hand delivered any year, that's tomorrows job

A wife/fiance/partner card is actually a better option. Tell her how much he loves and appreciates her as his w/f/p and as the mother of his child.

We don’t do cards to each other but this besides the point - what it shows is a lack of thought. Maybe you knew he would let you down and that’s why you asked him in the first place. I can see why it would be upsetting - it’s not about the card per se but the act of being a hopeless thoughtless STBH
Any chance he has secretly planned something?

And one day you will, written by your actual baby, when it will mean something.

Be patient. You've got the rest of your life being a mum now, no need to rush through the 'firsts' (and there will be many) quicker than you need to.

They'll at least have them for next christmas.....I didn't post many though, so you've done better than me. 👍

Men think Christmas cards are utterly pointless. You have to specifically ask him for it again. And don't tie your self worth or value of your relationship to your partner remembering stuff.

Some people are so nasty😳Jesus Christ, who chooses to be this mean to someone on the internet?🤦‍♀️

It's not about pretending, OP obviously knows it's actually from her DH but it's the gesture of doing so on behalf of her baby.

This has always been important to me too OP, I did have to tell my DH for the first time though. I'm sentimental about this stuff and he isn't so I had to point it out. Just remind him, he might already have it and just hasn't had a chance to write it yet.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas OP and anyone else who has been nice on this thread!

The nasty ones, have some coal!

Gently remind him, I doubt he does realise it means so much that you’ve spent hours being upset and written this post about it. My first was born the day before Mother’s Day, my partners brother warned him of importance of recognising Mother’s Day (he had a baby shortly before Mother’s Day too, didn’t think and his wife was furious) and DP relayed this and that he’d make sure if baby arrived before he’d definitely be on it. The birth was really traumatic ending in an a very emergency c with her heart rate dropping. I wanted a card and words recognising what I’d gone through. Readers he forgot! I was really upset. I told him and henceforth all occasions he has made a big effort with cards (think personal photos - one from DC, one from cat, one from him all filled with humorous sentiment). Please tell your DH how important this is to you and give him nudge to make effort.

Just buy one you like :) it's irrelevant who is it from since ot won't be from the baby anyway. :)

Fair enough you may not agree yourself, but is it that hard to empathise with a woman who has struggled with 10 years of infertility and has no doubt dreamt/wished/prayed for there to be a "mum" card on the mantlepiece at every birthday/christmas/mothers day during that time?

Or are there just a lot of pissy cornflakes this morning.

Ironic, because I'm not sure you are.

You don't want a Mum card from your baby. Op does. She is sad she might not get one.

You find this uproariously ridiculous and hilarious, so much so that you laugh repeatedly at people who express sympathy to her. You insist she ought to want a card with Wife on it instead. You've commented repeatedly on this thread to that effect.

How odd.

Op I've been married 30 years. Dh still doesn't get why Birthdays are important to me as they were not a big deal in his childhood. He does now put in a bit of effort and the children push him along.

However if you arr uncomfortable "reminding him" have a "chat" with your dd in his presence. " mummy can't wait to see what card you have bought for her for Christmas. Your first Christmas and it will make me sooo happy to see that card from you"

A gentle push but bit an outright reminder.

I would encourage you to consider why you feel your needs and wishes should not be voiced in your relationship and is this something common?

Her baby is too young to give her a card.
She will get loads of mummy/mum stuff in the years to come.
He might even have got her a card this year.
She hasn't actually given him his card, but she's playing some game of not giving unless he does.
It's all a bit over reactionary, even in light of finally having a much wanted child.

I wonder if he's missed the point - he thinks it's a present you want and you'll get it on Christmas Day. And what you wanted was it up over December.

Just guessing because I don't see point of card from baby and I'd have probably thought the first one if you asked for a card.

It's a bit rubbish he doesn't understand you better, but maybe not unforgivable. You do need to talk to him about it and let him know you are hurt though to give him a chance to do something about it. Otherwise could become a huge issue that festers.

I think because being a mum is so important and special for you,I understand but I do think you are being unreasonable. I don't think it's that normal to do it with a tiny baby but like others say in the next few years you will get all the lovely school crafts. My eldest is 12 and this year was the first time I got a mug with "mum" on it always wanted one but would never ask haha. Still time yet, enjoy your first Christmas as a Mum !

Are you serious ? A card from the baby? This must be the most ridiculous thing I have ever come across ! A card from a newborn for christmas..if you had said mother's day I would still find it ridiculous but slightly less so. If my husband asked for a christmas card from our DC I would tell him to go buy one..no I would laugh out load and ask if we're April 1st.

Bloody hell, it's only the 21st.

He's probably got you a present with 'mum' emblazoned all over it. Hopefully. For his sake.

You waited a long time for your baby but now she's here. Enjoy her, don't waste your first Christmas with her being upset. Soon she will be calling you mum, you will hear it so many times a day and it'll be wonderful.

In my family we never give Christmas cards to people who live under the same roof, it's just not a thing at all. It wouldn't have occurred to me to want a fake card from a baby. Obviously this is important to you - being awake for 2 hours fretting over something suggests a really serious problem which seems disproportionate to me but is indicative that this is a really meaningful thing for you in a way that people with different Christmas traditions might not realise. So, if it's not something DH has ever done I can see it would fall off his radar of things to remember. You need to talk with him about your differences of Christmas traditions and what is important to you.

Are you serious ? A card from the baby? This must be the most ridiculous thing I have ever come across ! A card from a newborn for christmas..if you had said mother's day I would still find it ridiculous but slightly less so. If my husband asked for a christmas card from our DC I would tell him to go buy one..no I would laugh out load and ask if we're April 1st.