No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

I like the idea of getting yourself a decoration for the tree with 1st Christmas as mummy and daddy or something. Then you can get it out each year. But as others have said you just have to wait, you will get your cards in time and they will mean so much more when you do. My child bought me a Christmas decoration with mummy on last year that he chose himself and that meant more than anything my DH would have chosen!

Please don't let this ruin your christmas OP. That would be really daft.

Yes, this is very true. You're going to have to tell him what it is that you want, rather than churn yourself up over it.

Give the poor man a break, he's probably just forgotten. Give him the card you bought for him and it'll no doubt jog his memory and he'll get you one. It's hardly begging. Or, you, know, just continue to wallow about it and feel sorry for yourself as you're doing now 🤷‍♀️

Does he not really understand sentimental gifts unless their value is explained to him and he gets prompted?

Obviously this doesn’t apply if you mentioned it after they came into the shops, but if you said it months ago he may have since forgotten they’re even a thing. There are people on here who’re surprised they exist.

Alternatively (and not to build false hope) could it be since he has exceeded expectations in the past, you’re getting something more special than a card, like a bauble?

Just stop.

Google "fingerprint Christmas decorations " - you'll get loads of inspiration to make a bauble you can hang on the tree every year to remind you of your baby's first Christmas

The thing is, Christmas admin only gets worse as children get older and you introduce advent calendars, stockings, they start school and there’s nativity costumes and time booked off work to watch it, Christmas jumper day, Christmas mufti day, Christmas dinner day, Christmas school fair, so on ad infinitum. (DON’T start elf on the shelf, North Pole breakfasts, December 1st boxes, Christmas Eve boxes unless you love pointless work.) By introducing cards “from the baby” you’re adding to a to-do list that’s only going to escalate. Yes, they make cards in nursery and early years, but these also get water bottles spilled on them in book bags, sequins pried off in the car home, they insist the card is actually for their best best friend whose name they don’t know, not you. If you want a “dear Mum, love DC” card guaranteed that’s admin for your partner, vice versa for you sorting for him. Cross that load off your lists now and enjoy your baby.

I haven’t even bought dh’s presents yet. 😂 It’s the 21st of December. There is plenty of time before Christmas. That said, do couples and children normally get each other cards? Christmas cards to most people are for anyone you don’t actually see on Christmas. I’ve never gotten Dh or my dc a Christmas card and they’ve never gotten me one. BUT if it’s important to you, because it’s a bit unusual, I think you are going to have to be really direct in expressing how much it means to you and your expectations.

I presume that you are male
That's quite an offensive and derogatory word for one woman to use to another

Of all the things husbands haven’t done, this feels very low on the list of things to get worked up about. Sorry OP but I think you’re being very unreasonable.

How do you know he hasn't got one? Has he said so? Is he now refusing to get one?

So many unanswered questions.

My adult DS always treat Christmas cards like birthday cards - you receive them on the day.

So don't get upset yet!

In our house we don’t exchange family cards until Christmas Day so I have to wait until Christmas Day for my "Mummy" card, which I love looking at on the fireplace so I understand how much you want one.

I don't think you can complain until Christmas Day unless your DH has already given you his card from him? In which case I think it’s okay to ask him where the card from the baby is.

If you want a card that badly could you buy one and stash it away just in case. Or do you have a DM who could get you one? Nothing wrong with having two if it comes to it.

This is one of those things you’ll be really embarrassed about when you look back. You have so many genuine milestones to come, don’t sweat the small stuff.

He may have gone one better - you may have a christmas mug with mummy on or some other gift under the tree? I have a cupboard full of those… and was gutted when they grew out of ‘mummy’ and I started getting ‘mum’ gifts!

As others say, it’s not christmas day yet. And hopefully you also bought a daddy gift for him?

Why are you telling her to stop for saying what many of us think?

The feeling of being a new mom has nothing to do with the value of a commercial card.

I'd understand if the OP was complaining about her DH not being a hands on father with their newborn. If he didn't support her 100% when mother and baby need him the most.

But losing sleep and getting upset because her DH failed to give a Christmas card to their newborn?

The OP is going to realise sooner rather than later that being a good father has nothing to do with her Disney's expectations.

Is he usually kind and thoughtful or is this a pattern of behaviour? Do you think that he has just forgotten to buy one? If so, ask if he has remembered to get you a card from your baby and see what he says. Tell him again how important this is to you, even if he doesn't understand it. He still has time to buy one.

This

We also tried for many years to have our first DC and in the end had IVF. DH never bought me a Christmas, Birthday or Mother’s Day card from DC ever. When the DC got older I’d ask them to make me cards themselves which they loved.

Being a mum has always been my life. I didn’t get a job until DS2 was 4 so I could be with them all the time. Now they are 19 (at uni) and 17 I’d still dearly love to be at home all the time to fuss over them. When they buy cards for you themselves it’s the best.

You’ve got the baby, you don’t need a card.

You do find the most extraordinary things worthy of a laugh reaction. Do you usually express disagreement through uproarious and prolonged laughter, I imagine that looks quite odd IRL.

Op doesn't want a wife card. And she hasn't put her body through the wringer as a wife but as a mother.

Perhaps you aren't a mother yourself.

Shallow to want a card with "mum" on it? I'd this a real comment?

Are you familiar with the concept of different opinions?

She wants one though, and that should be okay