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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No Christmas card from my baby

528 replies

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 06:01

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

OP posts:

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/12/2024 14:51

As someone who has no family at Christmas and no cards to open, I find it very difficult to relate to this problem. Probably shouldn’t have opened the thread.

Surely the answer is to just communicate with him?

Overbythewaterfountain · 21/12/2024 14:58

Do you feel like your husband generally pays attention to you, and makes you feel seen and heard and loved and valued? Because if the answer is yes, then this is a minor slip up which you need to let go of. But if the answer is no, then that's the real problem.

coolkatt · 21/12/2024 15:32

So there is still time for him and he maybe has it stuck with a little gift for u for Xmas day from ur baby to give u all together.
If however he doesn't and there's no card then I think he is an arse and you need to tell him this. It's the little things and sometimes a card with a nice message inside is worth way way more that any money could ever buy.
So I'm with u op. Hope that card comes, if not u need to have a damn strict word with ur other half. It's the fact it's all u have asked for.
So give it time and see if it appears.

Makingchocolatecake · 21/12/2024 15:55

I think some men just don't value cards. Mine doesn't. It isn't personal. One year I got my anniversary card months late (he had bought it but forgot to write it and didn't want to because we were going through a tough patch due to mh and a newborn).

Make sure he knows how upset you are and make sure he gets you a mum thing for Christmas or a card for bday, mother's day etc

GivingitToGod · 21/12/2024 16:45

RJnomore1 · 21/12/2024 06:43

You’re not being unreasonable and it’s nothing to do with social media. My oldest is 25 and we did this for each other when she was a baby,

The card may seem daft to some people but for you it’s marking an important event in your life, your first Christmas as a mum. And it hurts that despite telling him it matters to you he couldn’t take five minutes to sort it. It’s really not a big request to make.

It doesn’t matter how good a dad he is. He’s supposed to be a good dad. That’s a minimum not something to let him off paying attention to your relationship.

I would be really hurt too if it mattered and I told him and he ignored me. It’s the little things that show you how valued you are by someone to me. Massive hugs and congratulations on your lovely baby, I don’t know if it’s worth telling him again how much it means to you. If he’s dismissive it tells you a lot.

Disagree, husband giving OP a card from baby isn't a measure of how much he cares.
This could come across as being unreasonably demanding and unreasonable.
Congratulations to OP and husband on the first Christmas with their special baby

snoopyfanaccountant · 21/12/2024 16:48

As a family, cards are only written to people who we won't see over Christmas. I would never have expected a Christmas card from a child who not only lived in the same house as me but who was too young to know what day it was.

Inkyblue123 · 21/12/2024 16:53

Are you sleep deprived? Becouse this sounds a bit bonkers. I never knew this was even a thing…. Maybe do something else to mark your first Christmas as mum? A photo shoot?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/12/2024 17:16

When Mother's Day comes, that's surely when you will receive a card with Mum on it, or Mummy or whatever you have chosen to be known as.

BigBoysDontCry · 21/12/2024 19:42

Surely the point here isn't whether we think it's something that we would want or expect or even something that the OP has expected her OH to randomly come up with.

She's used her words and made a fairly simple and cheap request and feels that he hasn't fulfilled it (though he may have for all anyone knows...) and is upset that she's been ignored (potentially).

She's not asked for diamond earrings, a new car or a rare object. It's surely not much more than her OH saying he'd really like chicken for dinner on his birthday and it would be pretty unkind of her to plan lasagne. Could he organise his own chicken? of course but there is nothing nicer than someone taking note of something and making the effort to do it when you know that they would really appreciate it.

PurpleDiva22 · 21/12/2024 20:18

@BigBoysDontCry surely the point is that Christmas is 4 days away so there's no proof he hasn't gotten one and OP also hasn't given her card to her other half either.

NINP · 21/12/2024 20:21

Honestly, give it a few years and you’ll be knee deep in pictures, models, cards, baking, pottery and Lego. All actually made by your child, and given to you by your child. I think you need to toughen up a bit on this one.

BigBoysDontCry · 21/12/2024 20:22

PurpleDiva22 · 21/12/2024 20:18

@BigBoysDontCry surely the point is that Christmas is 4 days away so there's no proof he hasn't gotten one and OP also hasn't given her card to her other half either.

Edited

The first point I've already said in my post....

the second point is that she has got him a card which she hasn't given him (not sure why not) but he hasn't, as far as we know, expressed any interest in having one.

Personally I'd give him the card she's bought and wait and see what happens.

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 20:25

I had no idea giving Christmas cards to someone you live with is a thing, let alone "from" babies!

But fair enough, you would like one and have asked for one.

But why on earth would you assume that he hasn't got you one? Every chance you get in on Christmas day, surely?

And even if he hasn't, the "doesn't care" conclusion is extremely overdramatic unless there's significant backstory.

It's all very odd....

Queenofthejabs · 21/12/2024 22:07

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 20:25

I had no idea giving Christmas cards to someone you live with is a thing, let alone "from" babies!

But fair enough, you would like one and have asked for one.

But why on earth would you assume that he hasn't got you one? Every chance you get in on Christmas day, surely?

And even if he hasn't, the "doesn't care" conclusion is extremely overdramatic unless there's significant backstory.

It's all very odd....

You have never given your kids/partner a Xmas card? Never received one?

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 22:12

Queenofthejabs · 21/12/2024 22:07

You have never given your kids/partner a Xmas card? Never received one?

Show quote history

No on all counts, nor did my parents give them to each other (or to me while I lived with them), nor either set of grandparents to each other (though they did to their adult children and to me).

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 22:39

For those who do exchange Christmas cards with immediate family members who they live with, I'd guess you'd do that on Christmas Day itself, no?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/12/2024 23:03

Do you give each other Christmas presents ?
if so

when

Christmas day I guess

do you give each other birthday presents ?
and when do you give them ?
on the birthday I suspect, along with a birthday card ?

so surely you will get your Christmas card on Christmas day...

caringcarer · 21/12/2024 23:28

If he knows it means a lot to you he is being inconsiderate. Just remind him by saying you can't wait to get your Xmas card from your baby. It might prompt him to sort it out.

ThisCosyAquaHiker · 21/12/2024 23:43

caringcarer · 21/12/2024 23:28

If he knows it means a lot to you he is being inconsiderate. Just remind him by saying you can't wait to get your Xmas card from your baby. It might prompt him to sort it out.

Why assume he hasn't sorted it out though? Christmas would be the obvious day for it to be given.

I suppose OP could say "have you sorted the Christmas card yet? Sorry if I wasn't clear but I was hoping to receive and display it before Christmas".

HappyMamma2023 · 21/12/2024 23:44

Men can be rubbish with gifts and cards. Can you remind him how important it is to you? I made sure I reminded my husband that I wanted a mother's day card from our son for my first mother's day. Not that I didn't trust him but just as a gentle reminder

cestlavielife · 21/12/2024 23:52

You can buy one from baby to you
You can buy a bauble baby s first Christmas
Or go with dh to Tesco and tell him there and then to chose one
You can buy a photo session for all three of you to get the family photo

sheep73 · 22/12/2024 17:36

Is this a wind up?

Sleepytiredyawn · 22/12/2024 17:43

Honestly, just remind him. After 7 years of being a Mum, I still forget to buy certain cards. I’m so use to getting the ones for our Mum and Dads, to your house from ours etc but you can guarantee I’ll nearly forget a Son and Daughter one before walking out of the shop…then I get home and realise I’ve forgotten a card for their Dad and Grandparent cards 🤦🏽‍♀️. Even when you’re use to it you can forget. He probably isn’t being as thoughtless as you think, he’s never had to get one before and needs a nudge.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 22/12/2024 17:48

mumtoababygirl · 21/12/2024 07:04

Of course it doesn’t take away from enjoying my baby over Christmas, I’m so grateful for her and I love her so much.

I just would love to see a card on the mantelpiece that was for me that said Mum on it.

DH knows I wanted one, he knows it would mean a lot to me. Does it matter if cards aren’t important to him if he knows it is to me, and it would only take him 15 minutes of effort and cost £3?

Has he told you he hasn't got you one, or has he just not given you one yet?

If you know he hasn't got one, despite you asking and him saying he would, that's very different to you assuming he hasn't.

If you think he's forgotten then tell him you've got his daddy card, and it's so cute you can't wait for him to open it on Christmas Day. Either you'll then know he's got one cos he'll say "I've got yours too, it's cute!" Or he'll remember he was supposed to and go get you one.

However, it's just a card, you are the thing with "mum" written all over it, and you aren't just for Christmas.

Wibblywobblyses · 22/12/2024 17:48

Buy a card, write what you want in it - done and dusted. Lesson I learned in life is not to be needy.

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