No Christmas card from my baby

[mumtoababygirl]

This year is my first Christmas as a Mum. It took us over a decade to have our baby. I asked my DH back in November if he was going to get me a Christmas card from the baby, he said yes.

I know it’s silly and I know it’s not really from her, but I just would love something that said Mum on it.

He hasn’t got me one.

I’ve been laid here awake for the best part of two hours being so upset about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me. I’m not asking for a special, custom card from Etsy, just to pop into Tesco (which he passes) on his way home from work. He knows how much I would love it and it would mean to me.

AIBU to be so upset? It’s just a card and not even actually from my baby?

I'm confused, how do you know he hasn't gotten/isn't getting you one in the next 4 days?

I actually didn’t realise this was a thing to be honest. My baby is 3 months old and I hadn’t thought about it - I haven’t got one for DH and now im thinking maybe I should in case he has one for me..?

Just do it yourself? What's the actual difference when it's not actually from the baby...

Poor kid, hope you grow up before they do.

Do you have other issues in your relationship that makes you feel insecure about it. This doesn't seem something big enough to get this maudling about.

Do you generally feel unappreciated by him, or are you a bit needy of sentimental displays and although he shows his love by being supportive/shares the load he is not the type to do these kind of sentimental things? I don't think anyone should be forced to be twee sentimental if it is just not them. It never even crossed my mind that I didn't get a card from ds/dh when he was young, it made the first ones he did give me (handmade from school) more precious.

Maybe reflect on what the real issue is here, if there even is one.

“I’ve come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t care about me.”

@mumtoababygirl This is a very extreme reaction. Maybe it’s the hormones but just for some perspective, not all men are sentimental about stuff like this to think about it, as simple as that. It has no bearing on how he feels about you.

As I put above, I have a 3 month old and it’s her first Christmas. I hadn’t even thought about having a card from her as didn’t realise it was a thing. I haven’t bought one from my DH and I have no idea if he has for me (the years we’ve done cards for each other we’ve exchanged just a day or two before). Doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, I love him very much. Everyone is different but it seems quite extreme to fixate on this and not just enjoy your first Christmas with your little one.

I think that's unkind and unnecessary tbh. It's not much to ask if a DH, and whether you think it's a daft waste of money of whatever, if your DW tells you that you getting a card with mum on it 'from' the baby would make her happy why wouldn't you? Ten years of desperately wanting to be a mum, it makes sense to me why this matters tbh even though I'm not getting into cards at all

It's not Christmas Day yet!

Come back and moan on Boxing Day if you don't get one!

I do think nuclear family cards are a waste of money. DH and I now recycle some from a few years ago that were particularly nice and just get them out every year.

@mumtoababygirl I fully understand that when you've had a difficult time to have your baby (10 years for you, that takes immense strength) you finally want something which says To Mummy. After the Christmases and birthdays that have gone by without. I am lucky in that 2 months after my own little miracle was born I had my birthday and a card To Mummy. It meant so much to me after all the heartache and physical effort of IVF.

In your situation I would also be upset that my husband had forgotten and not realised how important it was to me. I would try to be generous and think maybe he is tired from work / parenting etc. And then in the new year have a conversation about it.

Really? I think you are being completely daft. I don't think i had one either i don't remember if i did?

You lay awake for two hours over this? It's not even Christmas yet!

I hear you op. Yes it's just a card written by a grown up and not your baby, but it's important to you. I understand why.

I hope he gets his act together and buys you a card

Unnecessary 🙄

I agree that whether it's a bigger issue depends on how he is normally and also that there is still time, he might be putting it on your gift under the tree.

My reservation comes from realisations I've made since I separated. Ex never made an effort to give me things from our DC, nothing on mother's day as I'm not his mother even when DC were too small to do anything themselves. He forgot my birthday several times. Asked what I wanted for Christmas as he had no ideas and then would buy me something similar or something he liked better. Don't get me wrong, he sometimes made effort and would always give me a Christmas card, chosen individually not from a multipack. However, after neay 30 years I see now that he was never really that into me as a person. He just liked the easy life.

To be honest the card thing wouldn't be that important to me, but it's important to you and you've told him that.

I don’t understand, your baby is the trophy 🏆 for a decade of IVF. How could a card even compare ? Just look at her.

I think there’s something deeper going on here, that you don’t feel your husband celebrates you or your baby enough.

You're more over the top than the op.

Is there any annoying thing in normal life that doesn't have a 'name', maybe the POAB syndrome should be added, as in Pissed Off A Bit.

Well I look forward to it 😂

I must have severe TA syndrome!

Christmas tree 🎄 isn't even up yet! 🤣

Is he generally a good partner or does he need to be reminded to do basic things a lot?

My husband doesn't always get things like this but is genuinely a very equal partner and a loving dad and husband in many ways, so I just accept it's an aspect of his personality. He doesn't naturally understand the importance of small gestures like this, but he also isn't the kind of man I have to treat like an extra child in day to day life. He didn't get me anything for my first Mother's Day because in his mind that's what kids do for their parents. I explained that I felt very hurt by that, and like he didn't appreciate me, and he instantly got it and has always made sure I'm celebrated on Mother's Day since. It didn't mean he didn't love or appreciate me. It just didn't occur to him. So I'd explain to him that you're upset about this, and why, if he's otherwise a good guy.

Wow that's a lot of question marks!
I didn't say one way or the other if she was being unreasonable- I voted. I simply said that I think personally that her feelings are valid, as I feel the same. I don't give him his card early no. But I know my partner by now, as I'm sure the OP does, and I know not to expect anything.

If you haven’t given him his card yet, how do you know he hasn’t got one for you?

Can't wait for the Xmas day insanity either tbh 🍿

Well it's pretty obviously not about the baby. OP wants her husband to care about her and what's important to her. She's told him she would really like a card. It's not a difficult thing to arrange. If he doesn't bother then it's a bit hurtful.

To me, if OP is upset about this it probably signifies that she feels generally undervalued in the relationship. Someone whose husband was genuinely appreciative in other ways wouldn't care about this as much

Same here. I am not someone who would want a card from a baby. But I now see that not bothering was a symptom of general laziness and selfishness. I still don't care about cards per se but it's part of a bigger picture of no appreciation whatsoever for any of pregnancy, labour, doing all the night wakings, 95% of the actual childcare. I can see that it's really lovely to have a husband who bothers to show they appreciate you. Even if the cards etc. are a bit twee.

Well it doesn't sound like the OP has had the card from the husband either!

The baby is a separate issue from the husband. I'm sure OP is delighted with the baby. But It's completely illogical to say that now the OP has a baby the husband doesn't need to bother any more. The OP isn't cross with the baby about this, obviously