This bloody dog will be the death of me

[captainPugwashh]

I love him to bits but fuck me hes outdone himself this afternoon

Went out to pub and had a lovely time. Came home to him bashing into thing and staggering about with a nice pile of sick in the middle of the only rug we have (why do they always do that) quickly rush him to the vet who asks what he ate. He ate bread dough and vommed it all back up. The yeast was fermenting in his stomach and he was effectively drunk.

They could feel something in his tummy so he was sedated and x rayed. He had coins in his intestine and a Lego action man. So he's had emergency surgery today and has cost me &
£1600. He'd eaten 27p in coins fuck knows how or when!

How old is the dog you ask? 17 years old no shits given.

He also chewed off the vets shoe lace when he was brought back to me as the vet was telling me what he had removed from his stomach. He didn't swallow that thank God.

My Cocker cost us over a grand before he was even two years old.
Pinched a lamb kebab out the fridge when my back was turned and swallowed it whole(six inch wooden skewer included)
kebabs banned and fridge rearranged.
He runs off with everything he can grab,slippers,socks,tv remote,books,cushions,pens!!!
He can and does jump up onto the worktops and his new fave is the coffee pods!
I love the bones of him.

Ate the contents of a tube of ultramarine blue watercolour paint and then danced around the house decorating freely wherever he felt like.

Luckily non toxic.

OP when I read your first post I thought you were talking about a DH or DP who’d had one too many down the pub (clearly didn’t read title)

But then when I realised it was your dog I am sorry to say I had a little chuckle- he sounds like a real character. But so sorry you’re going through this!

My niece's two sprockers found, and ate, some marijuana that had been dumped in the woods where she walked them. Both needed emetics and IV fluids.

Beautiful dog! What breed is he/she?

Both those breeds are notorious for eating. They're like bloody goats.

Mind you I went to see my loan horse yesterday and his next door neighbour was missing. Where's Groody? I asked. Turns out he's had to have emergency surgery.

The moron was left tied up next to a Christmas tree waiting for his turn to see the farrier and amused himself by very carefully unwinding and eating nearly 11 feet of tinsel before anyone noticed what he was doing.

Years ago my small spaniel managed to get onto the worktop (never happened before or since) and ate a whole dark chocolate cake.
Dashed him to the vets so they could make him sick, up came the cake, up came a whole red crayon, and up came Peppa Pig’s jacket that he’d pulled off my dc’s toy!

Runs and jumps up onto the surface and then jumps down?

@Gordonramsayatemyhomework a miniature schnauzer in need of a haircut.

OP, I am so sorry. I laughed! And god, the vet bill, the angst, worry, and stress… none of that is at all funny. But… your dog is a total clown! 😆 Mine is half chocolate lab and the other half has tempered the Hoover DNA, thank goodness.

My old neighbour’s chocolate lab (she too was a total clown and I loved the bones of her. She was mad!) was being looked after by friends on their farm while my neighbour was on holiday. On her way to collect her dog from the farm, the friend rang my neighbour to say, “Your dog has eaten our chicken.” My neighbour said, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m on my way to you now but I’ll pop into Sainsbury’s and grab a whole chicken,” to which the neighbour replied, “It wasn’t lunch. It was our pet. It had a name.”

When my neighbour tried to get her dog into the car, nobody could tear it away from the carcass, so my friend just threw dog and carcass into the back and returned from the countryside in her blood spattered estate. I asked if she rang Winston Wolf to sort it out. 😁

That is the most innocent looking dog I've ever seen.

My JRT swallowed one of those long modelling balloons and a party squeaker blowy thing ; they came out intact and perfectly coiled . There were a couple of gorgeous Faberge style poops too , courtesy of Quality Street tinfoil wraps .

Brilliant!

My neighbours Alsatian ate a chocolate orange. The chocolate, the foil, plastic cover, box and wrapping paper.
When I was a kid we had a bearded collie . Sheepdog, always lived outside and a thief extraordinaire. She used to disappear off and return with wrapped up sandwiches and bait boxes - she was stealing off fishermen on the canal bank. Her crowning glory was a chip pan full of oil. We think she took it from the next farm. Managed to jump a few walls and not spill.

Bit rude

This is Humphrey. Humphrey used to roaming the house when we were out. Until he decided to climb a 7foot tall cabinet to get to the dark chocolate Easter egg on top. In the process, knocking over and breaking a standard lamp, a table, everything on the cabinet (including multiple bottles of booze), a plant and pictures off the wall.

The living room looked like we had been burgled. He then proceeded to do exactly the same the following day even though the Easter egg was gone. So he is now crated when we're out.

This after he pinched a 1kg block off cheese off the worktop and a bag of sprouts. Oh, and Dad let himself in one day to find Humph throwing a head of broccoli around and playing with it.

Make sure your dogs do not ingest anything out of hours. My friends total bill for emergency removal of corn husks exceeded £7k, which exceeded her insurance.

Woah my 2 border terriers are bloody angels compared to all these furry f*ers. I'm gonna go give them both a gravy bone.

Humphrey I don't believe it at all. I think you were framed!

Said cheese lol

Simon is now a legend. And from the picture, evidently not a bit sorry!

Said cheese lol

Still say he was framed

He's way to innocent a looking dog to do half of those things and the cheese ciukd just be because he was left without food like 10 minutes after breakfast and was starving. Poor Humphrey.

My lovely old boy once climbed a chair, onto a desk, to reach a high shelf, steal, unwrap and eat an Easter egg. He probably deserved it after that effort but sadly the vet thought otherwise. He also ate an entire chicken carcass, bones and all…

Current dog (golden retriever) is only just turned 1 and he is a fucking nightmare already. He will try and eat anything and everything. I narrowly avoided him swallowing the Vaseline tin he stole from DDs pocket earlier by wrestling him to the ground.

It's her dog! She can say what she likes 😆

Why rude? It’s my own dog I’m talking about!