I’ve lost 4 stone and not one person has noticed

[Lilyflame]

Just that really
aibu to feel a bit miffed.

If most of the people that haven’t commented on your weight loss see you regularly maybe they don’t notice if it has been happening gradually overtime then I think it’s understandable especially if you were very big in the first place otherwise maybe people just don’t want to comment

massive congrats by the way, that’s quite an achievement

The last time I complemented on a woman’s weight loss, she didn’t react to my comment. I found out she had terminal stomach cancer a few weeks later and she died shortly afterwards. I never comment now. I have lost 3 stone and the only people who comment are the friends who know I’m trying to lose weight.

I’ve lost 9st, here’s my personal experience-

My family have been very supportive and have commented positively and encouragingly throughout.

The most support comes from overweight men. Men generally notice women’s bodies more than they admit. The overweight men are the ones who a) notice and b) empathise so they tend to be the most vocal and supportive.

Overweight women- depends on the relationship. Personally, I’d never comment on another woman’s body unless it was a very close friend and I was being complimentary and knew they’d welcome it. In the past, when someone has lost weight, I wouldn’t mention it because I’d be feeling down about my own weight and wouldn’t want to have the conversation.

Very slim women- I think for a lot of people whoever never had a weight problem, being a stone or ten stone overweight is still overweight in their eyes so they don’t really see the difference unless you become skinny.
As I said- this is my personal experience and obviously not a scientific study.

You’ve done terrifically well, OP. Don't forget, you’ve done this for YOU and nobody else. It’s your body that’s benefiting. I think when we’re overweight, it takes over so much headspace that other people just don’t give it.

Edited to add-

I’ve also had a couple of instances where people danced around the topic- as in, I could see they were looking at me and wanted to comment but didn’t. Then I’ve learned that they were shocked and wanted to comment but didn’t know if I was trying to lose weight or was ill. A few times, people have asked my family members if I’m ok health-wise, and have then complimented me directly when they know I’m ok.

Oh @Pomegranatecarnage how awful. It's so ingrained in us to think weight loss for women is always a positive isn't it (and so often it is). You could not have known.

It really isn't.

But some people who have been psychologically affected by their own weight gain, may turn it around to that in their mind.

This is why the problem can occur when someone gives them a well meaning, off the cuff throwaway compliment.

Congratulations. I can't believe noone noticed either. That said, people get hammered for making personal remarks so maybe (unlikely I admit) they're trying to do the right thing by saying nothing.

I've noticed people don't comment on weight loss so much nowadays. I think it's one of the impacts of the body positive movement - there isn't as much emphasis on thin being the goal so weight loss isn't seen as something to comment on anymore! I can see why it's happened as it doesn't make sense to have a huge societal push to accept people as they are without exception, then also praise people for changing!

Yeah I’m not not sure I would be saying “my god, you’ve lost SO MUCH weight” because you could easily take that the wrong way.

Have always been podgy. Came out of hospital after an operation, lost 7.4 stone in weight (30 kg), was severely anaemic and felt rotten and looked like a serious heroine addict. First thing my silly neighbour said to me 'wow, you look amazing'. Mind you, it was when 'heroine chic' was in on the podium.... Since then I have never, ever commented on anybody's weight as an achievement, and the first thing I think when I see somebody I know who drastically lost weight is 'oh, no....' I would never comment either.

What a fabulous achievement. Bloody well done!

No. You just sound clueless and rigid in your thinking that everybody must think as you do.

I would compliment on weight loss only IF I knew that person well and they brought it up. I would hate to have comments made about my own appearance. People are all individuals and different.

I hate it when people comment on my weight loss. I don't mind that they do a double take if they haven't seen me for a while, but I don't want to hear their opinion on how "clever" and "amazing" I have become now that I've managed to lose weight.

I've gone from a BMI of 59.8 to 31.2 over the past couple of years. Yesterday a neighbour stopped me on the street, congratulated me on having shed a load of weight and then warned me that it was "time to stop now".

I explained that although I was no longer morbidly obese I was still clinically obese, with all the health risks that entailed. She looked at me with scorn and said "Who told you that?" When I said my BMI was still over 30, and I had another 17kg to go before my body weight was within the "normal" range she scoffed and warned me not to take it too far.

I have just recently gained the ability to squeeze into a size 18, and after following the Zoe project I eat more healthily at 67 than ever before. I found her comments irritating, but decided they didn't merit the "complement of rational opposition" so smiled sweetly and promised to bear that in mind.

People who comment on your weight loss may not all have completely benign reasons for doing so. The older I get the more I realise that having a self image based on the approval of others makes you vulnerable to abuse, not everyone will have your best interests at heart.

I said to my colleague the other day she looked slimmer & she said she had lost 2.5 stone, I hadn’t noticed before.

Congratulations! Glad to hear you are feeling a lot healthier with it too. I'm sure you are looking lovely.
I think people sometimes notice but worry you may have hit a hard patch in life - it's not always a thing the person wants to deal with. So perhaps just trying to be tactful?

I do think the weight loss shows a lot more once people get smaller for example 11 stone to 9 stone is noticeable. Also it could be that people mainly see you in winter coats.

I think an awful lot depends on how the question is phrased. A simple 'have you lost weight?' is fine by me, but I've had people ask the question as if I'm a six-year-old who's just won a colouring competition. You know, the head cocked to the side, the little sing-songy 'Have you lost wei-eight?' and all that. Which does feel patronising given the automatic assumption that a) I must naturally be thrilled someone's noticed, and b) I must naturally be thrilled I'm less of a porker now. (Phrasing it like this is also tactless in case the weight loss is unwanted i.e. through illness.)

Delivery definitely makes a difference.

I’d notice but only comment if you brought it up. I’d also be worried even about paying compliments like “you look good” in case the person felt I must mean that they didn’t look good before.

that is amazing OP - great work and well done. It sounds like you have made proper lifestyle changes. You must really be feeling many benefits of both your weight loss and lifestyle improvements now.

I do think there has been a cultural shift these last few years where people are much less likely to comment on other peoples bodies/size etc. which overall is a good thing. Though I get how esasperating it is when you have made such an achievement and no one says anything.

I've lost 20 kilos (just over 3 stone) since July 24. I'm using carlorie deficit, Med diet high in vegetables, fruit & lean protein, exercise & Monjaro. I've told a few people I am particularly close to, though I'm just getting on with it and not talking about it very much. The people I have discussed it with have said a little - they notice. My daughters havent noticed or it they have they haven't said anything. But I've always been very careful to raise them in as much of a "diet culture" free household as I can. I'm also wearing loose clothing a lot & I am enjoying the cover of winter. Come spring I might go full peacock though 😁

Where I notice it the most is in yoga clothes -wearing leggings and a tank top I am noticing my silouette getting smaller and my body getting more toned. Its very nice.

Like you I'm around 16 stone now (just above) and I have at least the same again to lose.

Nobody can say anything as it would mean they were fat shaming the old you.

I saw someone recently that had lost probably 3/4 stone and I told them they were looking fantastic - which they did.

Life just gets more and more complicated. Now we have to watch our sing songy voices!

Come on. Presumably you know what I'm talking about. Would you not feel patronised by it? It's not a matter of 'watching' anything, simply not patronising people.

I think most people already know how to talk to someone without sounding patronising/like you’re infantilising them.

No, I like it if people say I have lost weight because I try hard. Don't see it as patronising in any voice. But I just don't comment on anyone else's weight. It's a minefield. Especially with body positivity.

I lost over 4st, nearly 5st now and the only person who has mentioned it is my hairdresser. Probably because she has been through her own obesity challenges (including a full body lift many years ago), and understands it.

People do notice, they just don't like to say anymore as terrified of causing upset or offence.

I lost 4 stone

put 5 on

lost 5 again

and no one mentioned a thing to me apart from my mum 😂

I think people don’t want to seem rude