To think this is a really weird thing to do with presents?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

So a family member has just told me that every year with the kids Xmas presents they rip off every label from presents that have been given, then tell them that all the presents are from Santa! I mean...wtf. I feel it's an odd thing to do, and also nice for the kids to know who has got them what and to appreciate and thank them for it. I've now written in sharpie across all her kids gifts! AIBU?

If I buy someone a gift then I want them to know it's from me. That's not 'being obstructive' it's just that I have chosen a special thing for someone and wrapped it up for them, to communicate that I love them and care for them.

Taking it away and labelling it as 'from Santa' completely detracts from the value of the gift as a way for me to communicate my love for the child. They already have loads of presents in a pile 'from Santa' so what is the point in adding mine?

The whole point of gift giving is that it strengthens relationships and connection.

If the mum wants to do Santa then she should, but it's not fair to chuck presents that other people have lovingly chosen onto a big 'Santa' pile.

That seems totally materialistic to me and I think actually quite selfish - if mum wants the Santa pile to be bigger then she should buy more presents for it.

Presents from relatives and friends are a separate thing. Kids can have both.

but it is her family

It does matter about being acknowledged. I know you don't give to receive, but it's nice to be acknowledged. I used to buy presents for friends' children. The ones that never said thank you didn't get them after a couple of years. Maybe they were told they were from Santa, or maybe they got so much stuff that my little gift was unappreciated, I don't know, but the end result was the same.

She doesn't own her family.

If someone wants to give a gift to her child to symbolise their connection with that child, that's not really actually anything to do with her.

She doesn't have the right to swoop in and take that gift and pretend it's from someone else.

I also think it’s important that children understand why some people get an Xbox and some people get a bar of chocolate.
Especially with the whole naughty or nice thing - I’d hate to think of children thinking they were naughty because they didn’t get much.

That is taking the Santa myth several steps too far. It's ridiculous. I assume the children aren't under the age of two?

Honestly, words fail me.

Our daughter says thank you to the right people for every present, unless those people are not there, and then we write to say thanks on their behalf because they aren't up to a whole letter yet. I don't want my child growing up thinking presents are some natural right that magically fall out of the sky.
I also don't want my DC to be "that kid" who inadvertently makes less fortunate classmates feel bad because Santa gave mine a pile of lovely things and didn't get those other kids much. So ours gets a very modest stocking from Father Christmas, and the bigger stuff all comes from family.

In my house everything comes from Santa. I’m from Spain and that’s how we do it in there as well. My son still thanks those that got him the present “nanny asked this for you to Santa”
xmas magic is a few years only to me telling you I bought you this rather than Santa breaks the magic.

but each to their own. I don’t think there is right or wrong

I think I’d be getting the most inappropriate gifts I could lay my hands on. Crochet your own dildo? Indelible ink calligraphy?

That’s what we do now! We grew up with Santa as delivery man, and luckily DH grew up with much the same system so we slotted together nicely.

I think you’ve got the wrong understanding of what most people mean when they say credit in the context of giving gifts to loved ones. People want “credit” for gifts because they want the recipient to know they put that effort in because that effort has a feeling and intent behind it.

Of course I want my nieces and nephews to know I took the time to go pick them out a gift because I did that out of a desire to show them I care and want to see them happy. They can’t receive that message of affection if they don’t know who it’s from. And thanks or other shows of appreciation tell us that the message is being received - our effort to show our love is working.

It’s the same underlying reason posters are often so hurt when their partners can’t be arsed to buy a decent gift for them. Not being willing to spend that time/money/effort can make people feel you don’t care.

We are due our first next month and DH recently revealed that he comes from an “all presents are from Santa” family 😨. I come from a stocking from Santa and maybe one pressie under the tree from Santa, but everything else from the gift givers. I am hoping I can campaign for my way as it just feels much better logically. And also way less of a hassle than having to hide every present in the house until Christmas morning! Surely just on the basis of logistics/storage/risk of discovery it’s easier if you can keep most presents under the tree through December.

I think her taking the tags off others presents and giving credit to Santa is really disrespectful to you and other family who have given things

I understand why you wrote all over it in pen but I bet she will re wrap it.

I would make a point of asking Lucy next time you see her ‘Lucy did you like the pink gloves and pens I gave you?’

even when mine were babies I sent thank you cards from them. Starting with a photo of them with the toy and gradually over the years becoming handprint or art work or a wobbly ‘Lucy’ written st the bottom of a card until they could write their own.

we always opened presents from others with a notebook at hand so I could write down ‘aunt sally - football’ , ‘nana - cardigan and playmobil horses’ etc… as I wanted to thank them as well as getting my child to say thank you as it is generous to give to others and polite to express thanks.

i understand everyone does Santa differently but relabelling and not acknowledging a gift from someone is just plain rude in my opinion.

I am amazed by the convoluted narratives built around Father Christmas (I'm not a 'Santa' person). No wonder people get their knickers in a twist about children eventually learning the truth. There must be a significant difference between realising your stocking is actually stuff your parent/s bought for you and learning that EVERYTHING came from a variety of people who were involved in an extended conspiracy for years so you are living in a complete fantasy world which implodes on learning the reality.

I think when you make out Santa brings everything it makes finding out Santa isn’t real is more of a big deal. Whereas if it’s just the stocking it’s easier to cope with.

We say that one or two main gifts are from Santa, everything else is from us, friends and family. He only has room in his sleigh for one or two toys per child.

I don't understand how saying stockings from Santa works though? When they're little and they visit Santa or someone asks what they're going to ask him for, don't they usually ask for one big thing like a bike or dolls house etc.? That's the gift under the tree that we say is from Santa. DD (6) is getting some sparkly gel pens and Hama beads in her stocking along with a few other small cheap things all under £5. Nothing worth making a trip from the North Pole to deliver!

Indeed. It’s interesting cuz many of us are on this thread that are coming from another culture and where it’s all from Santa and don’t think finding out Santa didn’t exist was any more traumatic than in the British culture.

My son's presents in his Santa sack were from Santa. The few he had from us, as his parents were labelled so. Any other relatives presents, came from them. I have always sent thank you notes on behalf of my son for presents from other people and he writes them now he's older. As long as your SIL is thanking relatives for her children's gifts, on behalf of them, then that's fine. The child may not know the presents are not all from Santa, but once the children stop believing, she needs to make sure they are thanking those relatives!!

That is a bit odd.
we do gifts off family as family, Santa fills the stockings and gives 1 good present each and a game to play together. Belsnickel brings their Christmas Eve sacks.
but everything else is off who it says

No way Santa would be getting all the credit for the hard work and money other people have put in!

I have always thought the “Santa's not taking the credit” thing is weird, that 7 year old Mary's parents need the validation of her looking up between every parcel and thanking her parents for their hard earned time and cash. IMO no primary school child thinks like that anyway, Santa or no Santa.

In our house Santa brought everything we bought, all our children got a jam packed stocking and sack of main presents, sometimes there was an even an extra thing had been dropped by Santa on his way in and was found throughout the day.

Presents from family did come from family and were under the tree. (now that our children are teenagers, one of the most magical parts of Christmas are the family present boxes arriving in the post!)

That being said there were lots of years when they were little and money was tight that both my parents and in-laws, who always bought a couple of big ticket gifts, would say just add them to Santa piles, turns out they didn’t need any validation either and knew that the special Santa years were for such a short time.

Now I have 3 amazing teenage girls where I can really take the credit for the thought fun and magic they in turn now put into Christmas. To my oldest that loves to do the Christmas table every year and creates some amazing winter foliage displays, little gifts and wine glass decorations. My middle daughter who bakes all December, including the Christmas cake and loves to make Hampers for family. Any my youngest who enjoys wrapping and takes it very responsibly, adding little candy canes, chocolate coins and little funny notes to each present.

Moving towards adulthood they have become fully fledged magic makers as well as thoughtful gift givers and that to me is all the credit I need.

Same here. Gifts under the tree from family, Father Christmas leaves a sack of presents at the end of the bed.

This. People spend money, and time on chosing, buying and wrapping gifts for each other to show they care, and the parents are denying the generosity of the giver, and not passing that demonstration of care on to the child for them to appreciate those relationships. It's rude and has no positive outcomes- the child gains nothing compared to a child who thinks that a stocking, a present or a selection came from Santa.

It's also more pressure when the child inevitably stops believing, and the belief window is small.