To think this is a really weird thing to do with presents?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

So a family member has just told me that every year with the kids Xmas presents they rip off every label from presents that have been given, then tell them that all the presents are from Santa! I mean...wtf. I feel it's an odd thing to do, and also nice for the kids to know who has got them what and to appreciate and thank them for it. I've now written in sharpie across all her kids gifts! AIBU?

God I wish I had had that insight at the time. I was so excited for my very precious only born (and he was very precious, it's a long story), that I did in fact insist that Santa brought all the presents. I was so lucky (or not) that family played along. Santa got all the credit, which was not a problem for me or family, but of course it does build an expectation and I had to let him down, when the time was right (which would have been so much easier if I'd said stocking from Santa and presents from others). It's fine now but really really, I would advise new parents to do Santa from stocking and all other presents given by the giver!

So does the kid never write thank you letters then?

Height of rudeness.

Well if all the gifts come from Santa, there's no need for you to buy any.

Probably explains why you never get a thank you letter.

Fat man in red never took credit for the love family sent or the hard work I put in.

Santa brought one big gift and stocking stuffers, but kids always knew other gifts came from loved ones.

When they were little they never cared either way, but as they got older the stockings got smaller and family gifts got bigger so the emphasis was on gifts given from us and family.

My 6 year old did not need to write a thank you for his presents from Santa. They do write thank you's for birthday gifts. Etc

You're point is moot, they believed that Santa was bringing them the presents and all of my family were ok with his belief. Hence why they did not expect a thank you card. They were also willing to try and make it magical.

As I said, this was not the right way to go about things, and I would advise new parents to do a stocking from Santa ( and separate gifts from people who have given).

This is a money saving device on behalf of the parents though. How can the relatives that give gifts not see this?

Its really not, for me or my relatives 🤣. We are all good, no drama or money saving here. But I wish you all the best.

I tried to share experience here around my first Christmases as a first time mum and exposed my thought process. Anyway. We are derailed and to be honest I'm sorry I shared.

There are really two separate questions here: 1)Is this weird of the parents and 2)AIBU?

Yes, technically to both. In theory you should respect the parents' wishes, even though it's stupid of them. However, if you've made up your mind to flout the parents, then your writing on the package is a clever solution. You're perfectly reasonable to want to be acknowledged.

There's also nothing wrong with talking about it politely to the parents: "You know, we spend time and effort, as well as money, picking out presents for Winnie and Clem, and we find it very disturbing that they would grow up not understanding our generously thinking of them." If you really want to twist the knife, you could add, "We are really bothered by this, so I think we're going to start skipping the Christmas presents and just concentrate on the birthday presents."

Don't be sorry you shared it was sensible advice

This thread happens every year. I think it's a pretty shitty thing to do. I know we don't give for credit and the like but if I've taken the time to think of a gift, I want the recipient to know it's from me. A family member of mine did this and people stopped gifting or made it clear the one wrapped like this was from them and not Santa which again is a weird behaviour. It makes me think the parents are just not understanding how gifts work and I think it's quite rude and disrespectful.

I'd also say that those who were asked "is it ok we say this is from Santa?" Didn't know what the fuck to say other than ok as they were put in the spot.

"Isn't it better that your kid believes in magic" no I don't want them living in wonderland, completely unaware of how the world works.

Don't buy anything til the child is older, sorted.

For a child young enough to believe santa brings everything, they won't be old enough to write a thank you letter so that's a moot point... the thank you would surely come from a parent?

ETA... I always preferred Santa bringing one gift, or the stocking as a lot more believable anyway. How else would he fit them all on the sleigh and helps explain disparity in income.

Of it bothers you that much that you need credit and gratitude from the child for the presents you purchase then maybe don't bother. Depending on the kids age they may not be bothered about who they are from.

How incredibly rude and self centred for parents to ask this of gift givers! Of course it's unreasonable - presents should be acknowledged and appreciation shown to the giver. Utterly bonkers behaviour. Give wthe the gift directly to the child when you see them in person.

I’ll be honest that I would have thoughts of not giving a gift if the parent insisted on doing this. Or I’d probably do an informal voucher to take them to do something fun instead.

People talk about “getting credit” in a derisive way like you’re being selfish, but it’s the opposite in my opinion. Gifts are a way of communicating - the message in this case is “I love and care for you and so I found and brought you something that I think you’ll enjoy.” Children especially should get these tangible reminders that adults and others in their lives love them and value making them happy.

Santa magic is great, but kids can have Santa magic and gifts from people around them. Getting a gift from their auntie doesn’t take away from the magic of Santa one little bit. If a parent is truly struggling to fund the Santa portion then I’d rather give them some cash to help with that and still provide a gift from me.

How old are the kids? If they are above toddler age, do they ever wonder why no one in their extended family buys them gifts?

It's incredibly rude to people who buy presents.

I can’t believe people do this!! When do these children learn to appreciate generosity and thank people? Why do all these other people buy their kids presents knowing it’s going to be from Santa?

We do everything from us - stocking and either 1 big or 2-3 medium main ones under the tree - is from Father Christmas. Everything from family is from whoever gave it and they are thanked. Dd also usually chooses to write FC a thank you letter.
I think giving all family gifts from FC is slightly unusual, but I have heard of people doing it. As long as when they are older they start to say thank you etc I don't think it would bother me too much. We all do things differently.

We did a mix of things with DS.
It's mostly presents from me and DH that we're from Santa. And those were some of my favourite moments! And DS loved it too. And of course he is not traumatised or ungrateful as a result 🙄

We used to involve one of the neighbours or DH would pretend to be on the loo and then sneak out to ring the door bell in a Santa outfit - DS would open the door to a sack of presents and Santa retreating in the distance. Those were the days! Easily impressed they are when little 😊

Agree with this.
There is no way my parents would have let santa take all the credit for their saving, researching, knowing their own child to by the gift they love.

Santa does stockings with help, and the dc know who gave what, have to write/ enail or say thank you.

You could always say ' I hear Santa bought you a xxx, did you like it? Dc probably know Santa doesn't exist anyway, from school and everything else!

But they must do as they please. If it were ne, I would re wrap it, hand it over directly and say with a wink ' looks like Santa forgot this one'

That's crazy - I've never heard the like! I would see the DC in person and give them the gift myself! I don't know how the parents can accept the gifts when the child won't even know the gift came from the person who kindly bothered to buy it, wrap it, and get it there on time. What a pair of CFs! Do we really worship children so much these days that we practice such appalling manners, just so they think every gift is from Santa? Jesus wept. Does Santa have to have bought every gift in the house? The only possible excuse for this is that the parents are really short of money and can't afford to buy from-Santa gifts as well as gifts from them. Or do the kids think that their parents buy them nothing? Oh, this is wrong on so many levels!

All presents under the tree were from Santa when I was kid (abroad - we don't have stockings anyway), and that's what we are doing for our kids now. They're still young now and they'll grow of it by the time quickly enough anyway.

No way we force them to write thank you letters lol, we thank family on their behalf with a photo, and when they'll be old enough then can send them a text.

Given the responses here about "getting the credit" etc, I'm glad we do that now. Gift giving at Christmas is not a competition to fill the sender's ego.

Haha that is strange!
I've told everyone to put their name on their gifts for the kids.
I've explained to people that I don't want my kids growing up thinking Santa got them anything "big" and his gifts tend to be smaller little things.
I just remember being poor as a child, I knew we were poor, I knew my mum could afford less than most people's parents, because we had less and I had lots of siblings. I understood from a very early age that what my mum could provide was different. For the few years after that, where I still believed in Santa, I couldn't understand why those same children were given better stuff by Santa too. It felt so unfair that they had nicer stuff anyway, but Santa seemed to think these kids were worth having better stuff too. I really struggled with those feelings and now being fairly financially secure my kids can have pretty much whatever they like but I'd hate other children to feel a way that I genuinely felt for a few years.
I think this was one of the first feelings that I was worth less than other people.

My youngest ones are too small to understand this concept, but they'll never be sat at school telling kids Santa brought them something that wouldn't be pretty easily attainable for most people.