Christmas is just additional wifework isn’t it?

[TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack]

I have a good marriage but still 90% of Christmas organisation ends up being me. I buy most presents, sort the shopping (albeit online) and it’s really annoying. It’s just WORK!

Last year dh did the kids presents and realised how much work it is.

YABU what’s the problem, stop moaning
YANBU, god it’s all a huge PITA, mainly for women

I always say it's an event made up by men to make work for women.

These days, I barely participate in the preparation. My partner is happy to shop, so that's fine by me.

Not for me it isn’t. DH contributes as much as I do.

Yanbu traditionally that is the case but it doesn’t have to be if you get dh onboard. For us the cooking is a joint effort, I couldn’t cope with it on my own….im not a cook!

I don't really think it's 'work' - I love Christmas and enjoy all the prep.

Doesn’t work like that here! I buy presents for my family, he takes care of presents for his. We are both in the kitchen Christmas Day. He works on the roasted spuds and other veg (including peeling and chopping) I’m responsible for the nutroast and dessert.

Not here. DH does 50% of presents and wrapping. And does 80% of the cooking. I do decorations
We hardly do any presents though as made sure we stopped on all adults.

I just can’t cope with it all so DH has to step
up. We act as a team. It’s not romantic, it’s still all a ball ache but at least we play to our strengths and get through it.

Next year start planning with him.
My dh works longer hours than me but I still expect him to do his fair share by helping with planning presents/meal planning/ food order/card writing etc. it really does help having two brains doing all this.

I love doing all of it!

Delegate

Yes. DP is pretty good and does his parents and brother, and helps with anything I ask, but all of DD’s stuff is left to me, as is the decorating, as is the general “where are we going when, what are we eating, who do we need to see” stuff. And I’m often dispatched to “pick something” for his niece and sister. To make matters worse I still do it all for late DH’s family too, so even though DP handles his family’s presents I’m still doing two sets! I’m absolutely exhausted already. But it will all be worth it and I’m determined to have a nice day.

Yanbu

I split with exdp nearly three years ago and I've had to do less the last three Christmases than the previous ten.

I'm only sorting out my own ds, my parents, a couple of friends and last remaining grandparent.

I hosted once, got all the food in one go and cooked it with my dm (we both enjoy cooking) while my df entertained my ds.

I got the VERY strong impression that exdp has struggled quite a bit to get everything organised the last couple of years (and he has never hosted, always goes to his mum's). It was quite vindicating really, to see that the extra effort I put in was not just in my head.

Only if you let it be.

I try not to do anything to sort gifts for my husbands relatives. If I have a good idea, or see something, I'll pick it up (we're a team!) but I don't go out if my way to make sure they all gave a gift. Same with writing cards to his family.

My dad cooks Christmas Dinner if we're in my parents home. If we're at mine, I'll do it, but he'll probably give me a hand.

Etc

Not for me. DH makes the cakes and cooks Christmas dinner.

I get to do the pretty stuff.

My DH does more now. I have done less as the kids have become teens. He would do it but it would be last minute. I organise the things I want to do and am happy doing to!

I don’t have a problem with how we have divided up the workload in our home, and for various reasons, it makes sense that organising Christmas falls to me. But it’s a huge amount of work.

I don’t work, have kids all at school and my Dh does some of the presents for kids and cooks Christmas lunch. I make treats, and clean. We don’t go crazy buying for everyone. We keep it very simple

It's what you allow it to be. why take it all on in the first place?

I swear my husband believes just as much in santa as my kids do as Christmas just happens. Yes it's shit and I shouldn't have to do it all but if I didn't, it wouldn't get done to my standards, simple as that!

The vote says it all really, but eff me, every year I think it's going to kill me dead. I do put a lot of thought into presents though, and it's an intense time of year at my work. Online shopping isn't easy. It takes hours. I'm completely sleep deprived because I'm up late doing it. Then there's the hiding. I can't just open boxes and move the project along for fear kids will see stuff. Add the Elf "magic" into the mix, and the fact that we generally like to have a tidy clean house by 24th as opposed to the current madness, and I'm fully demented. While he snores. Of course I could delegate, but I know he'd buy crap presents for his own Mum for example! Then there's the food. And when you're hosting, you've to think outside your normal shop, and have your different recipes in mind. It's a lot. Every year I say I'm starting shopping in June, and every year I don't. I watched this a few weeks ago and felt jealous of a time when the duties were to make the cake, make the pudding, and that was it!

But then I remember they had no washing machines or dishwashers.

I don't have a partner. When I look at my parents (with whom I spend Christmas), my Dad does his fair share of the physical tasks, but a lot of the mental load still falls to my Mum. She's only saved from doing more by the fact that she can't get her head around internet shopping. I think it might be a common pattern in a lot of couples.

We were renovating a room too which added more chaos than usual and delayed me progressing things. Next year will be better. 😜

We divide present buying equally, he wraps, he's cooking BUT I know that if anything goes wrong (like he gives everyone food poisoning) the wider family will blame me. He also won't think of the extras like the house needs to be cleaned before guests arrive, we need clean hand towels in the bathrooms, we need to get the second set of glasses out of the attic etc. all the stupid extra things.

Yes. All the work and all the reporting to the "Household Budget". Husband baffled by Christmas expenditure.
I want to run away.

I said the EXACT same thing to my friend this evening…fucking Santa does exist for my DP. Spoiler alert, it’s ME!!