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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas is just additional wifework isn’t it?

110 replies

TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack · 18/12/2024 22:13

I have a good marriage but still 90% of Christmas organisation ends up being me. I buy most presents, sort the shopping (albeit online) and it’s really annoying. It’s just WORK!

Last year dh did the kids presents and realised how much work it is.

YABU what’s the problem, stop moaning
YANBU, god it’s all a huge PITA, mainly for women

OP posts:
Edingril · 19/12/2024 04:09

Not sat down and worked it out but we both do bits and it gets all done no i don't do martyr-ing

Themetalloadarticulated · 19/12/2024 07:08

I have never bought for his side but I think it is still a basic minimum someone should do for their own relatives and shouldn’t be applauded? I still do the lion’s share. Also it irks me every year not only do I have to think of presents from Santa, plus a December birthday ALL of his relatives then text me asking me what to buy the children. I know I am being unreasonable but I’m so sick of making every decision for him and then his family!

Oreyt · 19/12/2024 07:21

Oh god my dh does absolutely nothing for Christmas so I agree.

smoosmedd · 19/12/2024 07:23

My husband pays for everything. I do everything.

It's definitely work, although it's enjoyable work.

DarkForces · 19/12/2024 07:24

I book a meal out, order presents online then chuck stuff into reusable wrapping bags. Dh and dd put the decorations up. I've stopped sending cards pretty much completely. No elf, Christmas Eve boxes or complex cooking here. Will get some nice bits to bung in the oven in my pre booked online order and I'm done. It's as hard as you make it!

Dazedandconfusedma · 19/12/2024 07:24

My partner does the cookin and I do the presents… we both feel we have the better deal!

WalterdelaMare · 19/12/2024 07:25

Not for me. We share it. Always have done. In fact, my husband does more as he does all the food prep and cooking and wrapping.

standononefoot · 19/12/2024 08:05

My DH "isn't into Christmas" and so it is pretty much 100% on me to make it happen for my children so they don't grow up as miserly and joyless as their dad.

A few years ago DH got me nothing. I've not forgiven him completely.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/12/2024 10:16

I just don't do it! We manage to have a lovely Christmas every year without me running myself ragged. We don't bother with any of it. No elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, trudging around Christmas markets, watching lights being switched on, pantomimes or Carol singing concerts. No presents needed for family as we agreed years ago it was a waste of time and money (if you have to ask what to buy, you shouldn't be buying anything).

Once you've scaled it all back, it's much more relaxing and enjoyable. Try it!

K0OLA1D · 19/12/2024 10:17

If you let it be your job then yes.

I don't, so it's shared equally. I haven't wrapped a single present and I won't be the only one doing the dinner on Christmas Day either.

Cattery · 19/12/2024 10:18

I love doing it all plus I want it done my way so…

helpfulperson · 19/12/2024 10:23

I think it is another example of woman putting additional pressure on themselves and other women. Elf on the shelf, christmas eve boxes, massive present piles, outings to see santa x 6, coordinated house decorations, light trails, christmas PJ's etc, etc. The desire for a perfect christmas is driven by social media and keeping up with the jones. It's not exclusively women posting about the standards of christmas required but it is predominantly.

Hollowvoice · 19/12/2024 10:28

We decorate together with the DC. I buy presents for my side, he does his side and we each get things for the DC.
I organise the shopping order, because I do the cooking. He'll clear up after dinner.
I usually do more of the cleaning/sorting out beds because he's usually working till Xmas eve but this year we both finish tomorrow.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 19/12/2024 10:28

It is a lot of work, but it depends whether you enjoy it or not, really how you view that 'work'.

I'm lone parent so 100% of everything falls on me. I work full time in a busy role and it's completely manic at this time of year, everything intensifies. I have to take afternoons off for DC's Christmas this, that an the other, I fall behind of the housework because I'm logging back on as soon as they're asleep to try and fight through the things I need to do at work before year-end, then of course there's Christmas shopping, wrapping, Christmas jumper day, secret santa and all the other stuff to remember. It's stressful, but I love Chritmas, so for me it's worth it. I'll pull acouple more late oes with work, spend this weekend catching up on all the housework that's been left either undone or half done an then Monday, I'll be in full Christmas mode and loving it!

If you don't enjoy it, I can imagine it must be an awful amount of pressure and pretty much hell!

Zippedydodah · 19/12/2024 10:32

I’m on strike.
I have done nothing for Christmas other than buy a few presents.
I can’t remember the last time anyone bought me a Christmas present so no bloody way am I going to break my neck doing everything. I’m having steak and chips for Christmas dinner, DH can sort himself out as he reckons there’s nothing difficult about cooking one - not that he ever cooks anything!
I’m unwell with flu, Christmas can sod off. I’m

Original poster
TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack · 19/12/2024 10:32

Ha ha, interesting range of responses. A bit more info from me as OP:

My dh has a huge list of things to do for Christmas including cleaning the whole house (I don't do any cleaning), doing all the washing (ditto, I don't do it at all), getting a tree, sorting out lights, decorations and wrapping. His list has about 50 things on it. He's not remotely lazy and I'm not a surrendered wife. We both work FT. So maybe I was BU in my OP and 90% is overstating it overall, although I do 90% of present buying which is just our children and my family. He doesn't have any family so I'm not buying for them or hosting them. He's also a good cook and we do about 50/50 cooking in our house generally so that's not all down to me at all. I do decide what we're having but I enjoy that part!

I think considering this more, dh does loads for Christmas and during the rest of the year (see above) but I do most of the present buying because I am organised and like doing stockings for the kids. Who are adults...

But all of it is hard work even if you're not hosting loads of people and in a lot of houses women do most of it. And quite a bit of it is "wife work".

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack · 19/12/2024 10:34

OMG @helpfulperson we don't do any of that! No elf or new pyjamas or Christmas Eve boxes or any other stuff. It's just presents, food and we are having people over at various points so a bit of entertaining but that's the nice part.

OP posts:
nindo · 19/12/2024 10:34

Mine is in uninterested in Christmas so if I didn’t do things, no one would.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 19/12/2024 10:35

From your OP...If you choose to allow your dh to abdicate responsibility then I'm not sure what you expect?

My dh would never assume things are all on me.

From your update...90% is a massive over exaggeration and it sounds like he does a huge amount of the domestic labour. Sounds more like all you do is the food shop and present shopping which you admit is mostly for your family...

KneesUnder · 19/12/2024 10:43

How is it wife work if your husband does most of it? 😂

Dweetfidilove · 19/12/2024 10:46

My mom has two jobs on Christmas Day - set the table and wash up and that's because those are the jobs she likes doing.
My dad will buy the food and cook. You can't get him out the kitchen.

I'm single, so I'll cook in my house.

LoveRicePudding · 19/12/2024 10:50

We go shopping as family, even though I'm the one planning the shopping list. I do the cooking and baking (mostly because I hate the mess DD and DH do in the kitchen when they are cooking and baking I'm better at anyway) but they do the whole cleaning afterwards.
We don't do any family visits and are far away from any drama regarding who's going where for the Eve and the Day and whatever.

MessyNeate · 19/12/2024 10:53

I agree! Though my DH is at sea so can't really do much but he does send me money to pay for things. The one year he was home he quite happily helped me with everything Christmas related.

I'm almost tempted to leave the tree up until he's home on the 15th Jan 😂

Blackbutler86 · 19/12/2024 10:54

Christmas is what you want to make it. I realised a long time ago I can’t be bothered doing Christmas stuff so now It’s just a normal day to me. I think this is the 6th or 7th year I haven’t put up a tree or decorations and I don’t go to anyones on Christmas Day/Boxing Day etc. I don’t however have any children but if I did then yes I would make an effort for them. I also have no issue at all with what anyone else does before people think I’m some huge Christmas hater, it is nice to see lights and decorations up in shops, restaurants etc. People should do what makes them happy.

Oddsquadnumber1 · 19/12/2024 10:55

Not for me really no, i love shopping so no complaints there. Really enjoy getting the bits for the stocking together etc. I'm crap at wrapping so DH does most of that. I also take no responsibility for any members of his family. We've ordered pre prepped stuff from m&s for our Christmas dinner. It helps we only have one child and I work part time. I've booked additional things like Xmas theatre show, Santa visit etc but I like all that stuff