To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

[ChristmasMenuDrama]

Across my family and their partners, we have:

• Allergic to all fruit
• Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.
• Allergic to Seafood
• Vegan
• Coeliac
• Legumes set off his IBS

And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion.

Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live.

I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse?

It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other.

It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

They sound very ungrateful

You have to deal with the allergies; so no seafood, nuts, seeds or fruit (I would double check tomatoes and olives). For the rest, I would make a range of dishes and they can each grab the bits that suit them. The vegan can sit at a table with sausages, the anti-cream person can skip the carbonara, the anti-legume gets beef instead of bean wrap etc, as long as everyone can eat one bit then fine and never mind if it's boring for them for one meal.

@5foot5 , growing up (1970s, rural community), knew 1 coeliac and one nut-allergic (both nuts and peanuts).

We have multiple allergies and wouldn’t expect anyone to host us because it’s a massive pain in the arse.
If invited I insist offer to take dishes that compliment the hosts menu whilst being safe for us to eat. Basically we take a picnic wherever we go!

As a host I feel for you especially if you are the one making all of the effort while everyone sits and moans!

This is wise.

...the "allergic to all fruit" sounds distinctly like bullshit, mind you
Allergic to all fruit rules out peppers, chillies, tomatoes, cucumbers, aubergines, courgettes ...
I thought BS too, although the person saying it might be allergic to say all citrus fruit or something.

DS can't eat any raw fruit or salad veg. You could try sneaking it into him but when he starts asking where his epi-pen is you might regret it.

Precisely - she is moaning about having to accommodate lots of faddy eaters. But allergies and coeliac is NOT faddy eating. These people have no choice but to avoid these foods.

Frankly in OP’s position I’d do a pot luck, where people can each bring a dish or two that they CAN eat and share (labelled for the allergies) and she provides the basics (veg, roast turkey, some wine/soft drinks) and people can pick at that according to their eating issues and fall back on the dish they’ve brought. They can take home any left overs…

So hosts are damned if they make something nice, and damned if they don't!
It's the guests. You get round it by plating up not help yourself.

The easy solution here is a mexican spread with one vegan filling (e.g. something with black beans) and one meat dish (e.g. pulled pork or beef). Serve with various sides (cheese, salsa, guacamole etc), rice, gluten free tacos/tortilla chips etc, as well as normal tortilla chips, tacos etc. If necessary, do a simple tomato pasta or supermarket pizzas for the kids.

The only one there that's a choice is vegan.

This is what ChatGPT is for. Put all the requirements in, your preferences, and ask for lists of suggestions. Problem solved.

They may have Crohn's. A family member has it and although they can eat some fruits they blanket "no fruits" when out to avoid mix ups. It's the seeds they can't have.

Yeah im coeliac just to piss my family and friends off. It’s really fun!

Also people moaning about the vegan - it's really not that hard to cater for a vegan! You can still do a roast just use olive oil for the veg and buy something vegan like a nut roast or a pie to go with it. The Clive's pies range (you can buy at Waitrose) is vegan and they taste nice in my experience (I'm not a vegan).

I must be lucky in that I don't know anyone who falls in these categories. I do have vegan friends though but they offer to bring stuff and I welcome that. I'm happy to put out some veg but I am not buying specific ingredients that will just be wasted afterwards. And for people who will get ill, then it's up to them and their responsibility to ensure the food is suitable.
My dh incidentally falls into a category not listed but we never put that on other people. He manages it by eating before at home, having less or only what is suitable for him. We would never expect anyone to go through that faff and effort to cater for one person.

That’s what my in-laws think though!

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 41, and I was completely symptomless until 8 months before I was diagnosed and symptoms weren’t really bad until I stopped eating gluten completely and then ingested some. I’ve accidentally had it 4 times in 4 years since I was diagnosed due to cross contamination, and christ, all hell broke lose, my consultant said that’s just what happens when you stop gluten for a long and then have some. It’s got worse everytime so now, I am extra vigilant.

Because I had no symptoms before, the family refuse to acknowledge it. They have taken it to mean I just don’t want to eat their food anymore and there is something wrong with them.

2 or the times I’ve been glutened have all been incidents where they spiked my food on purpose as they didn’t believe me.

This.
There's so much easy stuff now for vegetarians and vegans, it's not a special or fussy diet just no meat.
So you could always ask what their favourite meat substitutes are and I guarantee there'll be something you can buy and stick in the oven.

For everyone else could you not just put everything in the middle of the table and let people help themselves?

A genuine allergy or medical condition is serious and cannot be helped. It must be accommodated if you wish to host such guests.

But what gets on my tits is people who are just plain fussy/faddy but claim these are "allergies". For example my daughter's best friend who claims she is allergic to dairy but makes an exception for Magnum ice creams, WTF?!? I did (politely) ask her mum about this as I really didn't want to make her ill at my house. Her mum said "oh yes just a little bit of dairy in ice cream she is OK with". As far as I know Magnums are almost 100% dairy! I suspect the truth is that she just doesn't like cheese but FGS just say that!

Ditto faddy friend who claimed to be gluten intolerant. I arranged gluten free alternatives when a group of friends came over and she promptly hoovered up several slices of the normal pizza "because it's so much nicer".

It takes the piss out of people who have genuine allergies as it means others might take the information less seriously and put them at risk.

Oh yeah, I’ve got a few friends who “can’t eat gluten”, and say they know how I feel having coeliac.

Thats until they really want a slice of cake, or a pizza, or a kebab on a night out, or just can’t be arsed that day and then it all goes out the window and they eat what they like, while I look on like a Victorian street urchin looking through a toy shop window.

You’re right OP, Anaphylactic shock can really take the joy out of one’s dinner party. Far better let the bodies hit the floor and continue as before so everyone else gets to have some fun. You can clear away the dead and dying after dessert .

Don’t host - problem solved. Or just get people to bring a suitable dish, with labels if that helps, while you provide generic things, drinks etc. We do the latter and it’s great.

Oh yeah, I’ve got a few friends who “can’t eat gluten”, and say they know how I feel having coeliac. They're twats

That's awful for your family members. But interesting as this is exactly the thing I was wondering about in my post. All those people in the past who were frequently unwell but there was no understanding of the underlying problem then. Yet now we recognise as food intolerance or allergy.

I think people used to be a bit better at just eating the bits they could eat and not making a fuss. But, and this might just have been my childhood house, food was a bit simpler too. Meat, veg and potatoes, seperate sauce type of thing.
But I imagine a lot went home politely hungry though!

We regularly have to cater for no nuts, no dairy, coeliac, no beans and no meat in one sitting now. We go for more assemble your own food with rice. Noone seems to be unable to eat rice