People who say they need to decide nearer the time

[IncreasinglyMadWomanInTheAttic]

This happened twice this week. I have invited people over for lunch after Christmas (so not months in advance or anything) and they have told me that they aren’t yet sure what they’re doing that day/ would like to play it by ear. It is so rude. Not least because, having issued the invitation, I am now stuck until you make a decision and I can’t make other plans with my (limited) annual leave. If I’m not good enough for you to cash in a holiday day on, then fine - just decline the invitation- but it’s bloody rude to put me in a position where I’m now stuck holding the day for you, and you’re waiting to see whether you get a better offer. I absolutely see that people might be in a position whereby they are waiting to hear back from visiting family etc after Christmas - so in that case, either say so and chase up the missing bit of info and say you’ll revert asap (obviously perfectly normal and reasonable), or if that isn’t possible, then just decline the invitation, surely, so as not to inconvenience the person extending the invitation and leave them hanging on, with the implication that their time is less important than yours…? It’s just so ill-mannered!

I can be a bit like this around committing if I'm depressed.
If someone replied with a 'OK, we'll get on and arrange something else then" I wouldn't be offended.

No. If you can't commit, decline. Don't let the hosts dangle. How rude.

The backstory on kids etc is irrelevant.

Why hold the day, just carry on with what you are doing. If something comes up for you in the meantime accept the offer and if they then come back accepting your invite tell them sorry, you are now busy.

That’s pretty rude and quite nasty, why not just decline in the first place?

Hahaha … oh God. Another pity party by a teacher. Please … anyone would think you lot are the only ones that work. Didn’t you get 6 weeks off a few months ago, now you have 2 weeks, some people lucky to get 2 days! zzzzzzzzzz

Not least because, having issued the invitation, I am now stuck until you make a decision and I can’t make other plans with my (limited) annual leave.

This is where you are being very passive, OP.

When someone tells you they want to tell you
nearer the time, take back control and respond saying ‘Actually, I need to know today so if you you're not sure you can make it, that’s fine, let’s just take a rain check.’

I doubt they will be so cavalier with you next time.

I’d contact them and disinvite them and never ask again. It’s beyond rude unless there’s a situation with kids and exs.

Really rude. Tell them you're busy now and the offer is closed.

Never ever put up either this rudeness.

Just say can you let me know by x date as i’ll be making alternative plans if you’re not coming. It is rude I agree unless something going on that could mean a change of plan (sick relative for example). Really rude to just wait and see if a better option comes their way

Agree it's just rude, hoping for a better offer.
I disagree with sinckersnack completely. You only need a day, to go home check the diary, check with Dh, before you can give a response.

Yes it is rude and I'm seriously rolling my eyes at people on here claiming that parenting/life is too "exhausting" to make proper commitments.
Please go and see a doctor if that's honestly the case.
Anyway OP absolutely don't hold that time open for people who respond this way. You need a polite way of letting them know that your time matters too.
How about something like:

"When would you be able to let me know by because I've got a few different things to fit in on those dates?"

I'm sorry, I'm a teacher too and this is the most self-pitying rubbish I've ever heard.
Fair enough that Christmas is school leaves you longing for a break and if you really can't face going out for two weeks then I guess you let everybody know that and leave them to live their lives. But no, we don't get a special dispensation to treat others poorly because we have a tiring job.
I'm perfectly capable of making plans and sticking to them, as are all my teacher friends 🤷🏽

@crazyunicornlady73 exactly. @WonderingWanda some teachers are so condescending and fucking entitled they give others a bad name.

I have a neighbour who is a teacher and she goes on and on about how tired and over worked she is because she has such an important job.

Sod the rest of us who also have important jobs and similar Christmas prep as well as other mental loads outside of school such as supporting close elderly relatives and or very sick family members etc. Not just buying a few gifts and moving an elf on the fucking shelf etc. Give yourself a shake.

It’s rude. Just say no if you don’t want to go somewhere, make any excuse up, people would just rather know if you’re coming or not.