Sister refuses to pay me back for money I loaned

[Anon777]

My sister borrowed £2.5k money from me on the premise she would pay it back.

Refuses to pay it back and keeps saying she is broke. She lives with parents with her own flat on rent and has a full-time job. My parents think I am wrong for even asking.

What can I do???

This ^
A CCJ will wreck her credit rating for the next 6 years.

I completely agree with this.

OP I’m so sorry you had such an appalling childhood and were treated abysmally by those supposed to protect and love you the most. I rarely suggest cutting contact but I believe it may be kindest for you to do so in this case, to give yourself the space and time to heal. Any interaction with these toxic people will just rip the wounds open again. You deserve better, don’t ever lend them money or put yourself in a position of vulnerability with them - they have already exploited this and you need to protect and care for yourself. They are emotionally immature abusers and they contribute nothing of value to your life. The sooner you drop the rope, so to speak, the happier you will be. You need to rid yourself of this truly toxic dynamic. I hope you’ve got wonderful people in your life who do care for you - if so, focus on them.

There’s no proof she lent the money to her sister, so what’s the point taking it further legally?

Hit her where she’s most vulnerable - threaten to dob her in about her (possible) tax evasion. But verbally - no messages and no letters or emails. You’ve got nothing to lose.

You're not wrong for asking for her to pay you your money back. You didn't even have to loan it in the first place. It was a choice that you made to help her and she did ask for a loan which means that she would eventually pay it back when she is able to get the money to do it. You have every right to ask her about when she is either going to give it you or start making some kind of payments towards what she does owe. An agreement is an agreement whether that person is family or not and she should honor that agreement being that 2.5k is quite a bit of money. If I were you, see if you can agree to some type of payment plan. If she at least tries to pay you back then good, but if not, you may want to take other measures to make sure you get it back from her, and you're not wrong for that. Sister or not, she owes you. And she's taken advantage if she feels like she doesn't have to pay you back because she's your sister. Don't let her do that, hold her accountable and make her keep her word. That's all.

This response nails it

This is upsetting and horrible for you, OP. You need to love and protect yourself, which is harder when you haven't been set the example by your parents as a child. For a start, don't lend anyone money again unless you are completely happy for them to treat it as a gift and not repay it.

About your sister, I'd suggest telling her once that you want the money back and that she's behaved badly by in effect defrauding you of it. Then let it go. You probably won't ever be paid back, and if you are, it will be a bonus.

Why is there often such crass language on mumsnet? I've never heard people use the c word so much in real life.

YANBU OP if you have anything in writing then sue her. If not then chalk it up to experience and never lend any money again unless you can afford to give money.

We're grown women and we can swear all we like.

It sounds very difficult OP.
You have no proof of the loan, so the legal route isn’t really an option.
You don’t have a good relationship with your family, so threatening to cut them off doesn’t have much impact.

Completely wrong I know, but I would try to even things up some way or another.
Do you have any dirt on any of them? Is your sister evading tax? Could you threaten to report her? Could you steal something of value from the house and sell it? Could you tell all your sister’s friends what she’s done?

Your family are abusive toxic people that you need to cut away from your life, when you were a child they gleefully tried to destroy you and you were powerless. You grew up taking everything to heart, believing you were the problem and if you tried harder, was nicer and proved to them your worth they would eventually love you. It didn’t happen, no matter what you did because they are incapable of love@Anon777. What they thrive on is pitting people against each other, the only thing they love in their shrivelled dried up excuse for a heart is watching people suffer, fighting and tearing each other apart like the high born Romans did in the Arena, watching gladiators get tore apart by lions fighting to their death.

You need to completely block them and never allow them back into your life, you are worth so very much more than they have ever made you believe! You need to love yourself enough to walk away and live your life to the fullest, to be happy x

I’d just go nc with all of them and contact HMRC re your dsis and her rental. Possibly check if she needs local permissions (council or county) for rentals, particularly if it’s a HMO.
Then move on and ignore them all!

Op, multiple people have said to threaten to take her to court. Are you going to do this?

Never ever ever ever ever lend anyone money.

Generally this is good advice but if you do lend money get it in writing - how much was loaned, for how long and when it's due to be repaid. Get it witnessed. Many people don't do this because it's someone they think they can trust and are embarrassed to formalise it but without it you have no valid evidence. Your word against theirs that it wasn't a gift.

But does she declare it to HMRC? They would be very interested if she doesn't!

OP unless you have in writing from your sister that this was a loan, not a gift, and that she intended paying you back there's no point in going to Court. You'd lose.

She's never going to repay you.

Walk away from them all - that's how you'd "win".

The money is gone, and actually, for them, it isn't even about the money - it's about the drama and the money is what they are currently using to keep you hooked into them. And thus available for drama.

So my advice would be to consider how much drama you enjoy.

If you are a mega drama-llama, then yay! Take them to court, report to HMRC, stay hooked in to the drama and the shenanigans. It will last for years, and may never end.

Or if you hate drama, consider the money as the price of several life lessons learned. Go No Contact with them and end the drama. I promise, this will be more of a punishment to them than any other action you can take. It will also be the very best way for you to have the peace to hel from your childhood trauma.

All forms of abusive relationships are addictive, and you may find you are more addicted to the drama cycle than you think, so be really honest with yourself. But you will not get back that money, whatever you choose to do.

Do NOT write it off. They are bullies. Get your husband to call over there. She can pay back x amount each month.