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Original poster

Sister refuses to pay me back for money I loaned

168 replies

Anon777 · 17/12/2024 15:25

My sister borrowed £2.5k money from me on the premise she would pay it back.

Refuses to pay it back and keeps saying she is broke. She lives with parents with her own flat on rent and has a full-time job. My parents think I am wrong for even asking.

What can I do???

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:04

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/12/2024 17:55

@Anon777 if you are not going to follow through and go with the court system, I would actually make a phone call to hmrc and tell them she is receiving 15k rent per year and not declaring it. then phone the council and dob her in there too. bet she has not got all the necessary certificates to make the rental legal ie landlords annual gas safety cert. pat testing annual cert. 5 yearly electrical check cert. etc etc!!! hundreds of the things!! and depending on where you are, a 3 yearly landlord registration! all of those tests will take her to nearly 2k and she will wish she had just paid you back in the first place. then there is the tax, and hmrc will want to see every single piece of income and she will end up having to employ an accountant to get the books in order!!

Edited

I don't think I have a leg to stand on if I go through court due to no proof.

OP posts:
onwardsup4 · 17/12/2024 18:05

Judge Rinder is that still going ?

Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:05

PiggyPigalle · 17/12/2024 17:21

People here are trying to help you by asking if there has ever been an email etc, but you give no answer.
If you just wanted a moan, yes it's awful. Just forget it now if you don't want to cooperate.

Wow
There are ways of speaking to people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:06

Cattenberg · 17/12/2024 16:49

My friend was in a very similar position, right down to his sibling taking holidays in North America, yet refusing to pay him back a penny. However, their parents were no longer around.

He eventually got his money back by threatening legal action (presumably he had some evidence of the loan), but his sibling disowned him. Decades on, he says he doesn’t miss his sibling at all and has no interest in seeing them again. Incidentally, said sibling later became estranged from other family members following a separate dispute over money.

If you have no way of getting the money back, I wonder if it might help to view the £2.5K as the cost of finally freeing yourself from your bullying family? It sounds as though it will be worth it. I hope you now have decent people in your life who care about you and support you.

Thanks for sharing.

Nc is what they want so they don't want to hear me ask them to pay me back.

OP posts:
menopausalfart · 17/12/2024 18:08

I'd write it off and not talk to them again. I had a similar relationship with my half sister. I was brought up with a SD that treated me appallingly. I tolerate them for my DM's sake, he treats her like shit as well. It's a fucking awful situation to be in.

historyrepeatz · 17/12/2024 18:09

She earns 1.5k per month in rental income on top of her full time income, has her hobbies paid for and is mortgage free? She can pay you back and quickly but doesn't want to. They only seem to hurt you so you will be better off letting the money go and cutting contact.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/12/2024 18:10

@Anon777 I don't think I have a leg to stand on if I go through court due to no proof. send her a text or email saying that you lent her the £2500 in february 2022 (or whenever) in good faith that she would pay it back and you need to know when she is going to start the payments because you yourself are needing it now. that is the startof the paper trail. did you bank transfer to her? there is more proof. pretty sure i have seen some going through without written proof and just going by what was said. you write it all down. why did she want it? print out these texts and any responses and previous responses to texts from her. message your mum and dad including the full amounts too and also print out those and their responses. what hobby costs 100 and hour?? is she learning to fly or something???? dont make any phone calls to any of them!!

Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:10

menopausalfart · 17/12/2024 18:08

I'd write it off and not talk to them again. I had a similar relationship with my half sister. I was brought up with a SD that treated me appallingly. I tolerate them for my DM's sake, he treats her like shit as well. It's a fucking awful situation to be in.

Same situation
Sister and dad treat mum like crap. Mum still adores sister and wants to do more for her.

OP posts:
menopausalfart · 17/12/2024 18:11

Yep, same. My sis is a carbon copy of my SD.

Scarfitwere · 17/12/2024 18:12

Anon777 · 17/12/2024 16:09

She's always been the golden child.
It's been a tough relationship for me with my parents.
I've been through counselling and limited distance but they genuinely think they are right.
They have never wanted me to be happy or successful in life.
It was an abusive childhood for me but her being the golden child was given everything. Even in adulthood my parents pay for her hobbies that are over £100 an hour.
My parents have always hated me. Not sure why. Always calling me stupid.

I've learnt my lesson.

Show quote history

Why don't you cut the lot of them off for good if they were/are abusive and treat you like this. Your life would no doubt be better without them in it. Appreciate its a hard thing to do though.

Mrsbloggz · 17/12/2024 18:12

Tell her you'll report her undeclared earnings to HMRC if she doesnt cough up.
BUT then she'll know it was you & she'll want revenge.
So maybe dont tell her & just do it?

StrawberryWater · 17/12/2024 18:12

Write it off. You'll never see it again. Cut them all off.

I once loaned my sister some money and she still hasn't paid it back. Mind you I no longer speak to her as she slept with my boyfriend but that's another story!

Jabbabong · 17/12/2024 18:14

She and your parents evidently treat you like shit.

You need to go after the money and take no prisoners. As suggested above ask if she pays tax on her rental income and tell her you will be reporting her if she does not begin the loan repayments in January. Follow through with this and then take her to a small claims court the cheeky cow.

You might lose the case without evidence but it will be worth the £100 odd fee to see her squirm.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 17/12/2024 18:17

Hi OP,

I'm sorry you find yourself I this situation. Is there any way you could text her and say something along the lines of...'I really need you to pay me back the £3000 I lent you in 2021 (or whenever it was) We agreed it was a loan to be paid and I can't wait any longer for it. I'm happy for you to pay me back in installments etc'...and if she acknowledges it, then maybe thag would be enough to take her to a small claims court? You could check this with the citizens advice bureau beforehand. And if it is enough, I'd cut your losses and do it...it doesn't sound like you'd be losing much if your family refused to speak to you because of it.

All the best OP!

Autofilia · 17/12/2024 18:22

Yes all you can do is take it as a life lesson, cut contact and feel the sweet relief of not hearing anything any of them have to say every again. I have been in nearly exactly the same situation and now enjoying a much simpler life without these vampires. Focus on your and your husband and make a new family. Best of luck.

wayfairer · 17/12/2024 18:25

You have some proof, you have the electronic bank transfer as some proof. You should either email or WhatsApp your mum and sis and ask when exactly can you expect repayment of the loan you gave on ...date.... then if they type a reply back it might be enough proof.

Richiewoo · 17/12/2024 18:26

She's a bitch. Your parents are horrid. I think you have to write it off.

Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:30

historyrepeatz · 17/12/2024 18:09

She earns 1.5k per month in rental income on top of her full time income, has her hobbies paid for and is mortgage free? She can pay you back and quickly but doesn't want to. They only seem to hurt you so you will be better off letting the money go and cutting contact.

And my mum and dad want to leave their property in her name only. Saying she needs it more than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:31

wayfairer · 17/12/2024 18:25

You have some proof, you have the electronic bank transfer as some proof. You should either email or WhatsApp your mum and sis and ask when exactly can you expect repayment of the loan you gave on ...date.... then if they type a reply back it might be enough proof.

My mum plays the game she has a few years to live and will be dead soon.

They don't respond to texts or emails.

OP posts:
Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 18:31

Cut all these people out of your life. Block them all. Never speak to or think about them again.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Leave them to it.
You shouldn't have leant her that money because she's a piece of shit who has no morals and won't pay it back. You've learned a lesson. They aren't your family. Cut them out and focus on the future and positive things you have in your life.
You say that's what they want.. but it isn't. They probably get quite a lot out of painting you as the black sheep and her as the golden child. Don't allow them to do this. Completely disengage and never give them so much as the time of day again. They are not only stealing your money but your emotional energy.
Surround yourself with decent positive people who care about you from now on.
There's no way to get what you want emotionally or financially from this toxic abusive family. The best you can do is work on forgetting they even exist.

Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:35

Scarfitwere · 17/12/2024 18:12

Why don't you cut the lot of them off for good if they were/are abusive and treat you like this. Your life would no doubt be better without them in it. Appreciate its a hard thing to do though.

Show quote history

They want me to cut them off so I don't ask for the money back.

They've already been eyeing my husbands money and googling how much he earns and asking about why his parents aren't paying for our holidays as they are financially stable.

They've always been money mad.

Btw
They have zero friends but each other.
All relatives have cut ties as they just point out people's flaws when they meet someone. Always criticizing others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:40

My parents relationship is quite abusive. They were both friends before marriage. But dad is physically abusive to mum. Sister has seen this and doesn't care because dad pays for everything.

OP posts:
Blackbird11 · 17/12/2024 18:42

@Anon777 - there is good news, the cost of registering your claim in the small claims court is £115. The forms are designed for you to do yourself without a solicitor so that’s your only cost. Each side pays their own legal costs so they would pay their own. First you must send a ‘letter before action’ warning that proceedings will start if you are not repaid within 28 days. You can find examples online but you only really need to state the facts and provide proof. So saying you lent the money proving you paid it to them and then saying they’ve refused to pay it back. Any background information that supports the circumstances even if this is your recollection of conversations. You have to say what you want from the other party so immediate repayment of the sum lent. You can’t prove it was a loan they can’t prove it was a gift. The judge will make a decision based on the information presented. The case is on the public record. The worst outcome for you is paying £115 and not recovering the money but their behaviour will be noted and that might give you some closure. Please do this.

DowntonCrabbie · 17/12/2024 18:42

Anon777 · 17/12/2024 16:33

She won't pay. She's backed fully by my parents. My parents have just always had it in for me.

I believe in karma. I hope they all get what they dese

Show quote history

Write it off, cut them off. Take it as an expensive lesson: have nothing to do with any of them ever again!

Original poster
Anon777 · 17/12/2024 18:43

Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 18:31

Cut all these people out of your life. Block them all. Never speak to or think about them again.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Leave them to it.
You shouldn't have leant her that money because she's a piece of shit who has no morals and won't pay it back. You've learned a lesson. They aren't your family. Cut them out and focus on the future and positive things you have in your life.
You say that's what they want.. but it isn't. They probably get quite a lot out of painting you as the black sheep and her as the golden child. Don't allow them to do this. Completely disengage and never give them so much as the time of day again. They are not only stealing your money but your emotional energy.
Surround yourself with decent positive people who care about you from now on.
There's no way to get what you want emotionally or financially from this toxic abusive family. The best you can do is work on forgetting they even exist.

A part of me feels sorry for mum because my dad is physically abusive.
When I say to her I'm reporting it, she quickly says if you report me I will say it was your husband who gave me the bruises and your dad and sister will be witnesses.
She would actually do this too.

OP posts: