AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

But in that case would it have made much difference to your day as a child? Was the spacing of presents the only difference, or was the later day more lavish in other ways? Sounds like it was.

It had nothing to do with me. My niece. My sister’s child. Doing the same she did other days. Nobody was sitting alone for hours. Just if they woke before 7 (hardly late) they either went back to sleep or otherwise occupied themselves. As I said, my daughter didn’t wake early anyway. You are being very weird about this.

Can i ask all of you middle class, afternoon present openers a question? Do you have to watch the kings speech first, take a break to watch it, or do you skip it altogether?

Well that’s exactly how it has always been with my family too. Just done in the morning, not after lunch. Why do you think the timing makes a difference to that?

We did it your way when I was a child, and I continued this tradition with my own. No one ever kicked off, and it was nice to have gifts to open later in the day. YANBU!

We do Santa presents in the morning and stockings. Then we have breakfast and after open our gifts to eachother. Then we have Christmas dinner with in laws and open gifts from them. I like the fact we have presents throughout the day and the kids love it to as they've not known it any other way.

We used to open them all at the same time, but we were missing some of the gifts being opened so we decided to do it one at a time. The kids actually said they preferred that so we will do that again this year. It's still chaotic and paper everywhere but we enjoy seeing what each other gets.

I don’t think it makes much difference. I’m not here to argue. We go to church in the morning after stockings and breakfast. Then lunch. Then presents. Works for us. I’m delighted that other strategies work for other families. There’s no one right way of doing Christmas.

It’s also important to me that my dc are involved with giving presents to other people and they really LOVE seeing granny etc open presents they’ve helped to choose and wrap. It’s not super formal but we do enjoy opening presents together

Sounds lovely, and just like our Christmas Day too! Only difference is that we do that in the morning, not after lunch.

Are the cousins a similar age?. Surely the family wont want to cart all their unopened presents to your house to open. And if they have already opened theirs at home it will feel very boring and one sided if yours are opening all their presents in front of them. And what if one family spends more on their kids than the other?
Just swap family presents after dinner.

We would get up at about 4am and go to my parents bed who would say he hadn't been yet so we had to wait. So we'd be in their bed watching the clock. I loved the excitement, we would wait until about 630 and then my dad would go and check. I am lucky, my kids tend to sleep until 630 ish when the teens inevitably wake up their youngest siblings so he can ask us if Santa has been. I think he'd asleep until 8 otherwise 🤣

This is exactly how we used to do it when I was a child and it was so lovely! You're not being unreasonable - you're doing your best to continue tradition in a really lovely way! X

Each person took a turn to open a present whilst everyone else looked at the person. The utter fear of having to do the appropriate level of ' delighted-with-my-gift face' was awful. It causes me stress even now when I have to open gifts.

Now that really does sound horrible. The stress!

in that case would it have made much difference to your day as a child? Was the spacing of presents the only difference, or was the later day more lavish in other ways? Sounds like it was.

Spacing things out would have extended the excitement. But Mum always wanted the whole stocking in bed thing asap so she could get on with cooking. And then presents unwrapped so clearing up could be over and done with.

Would have been better for me to have had time first thing to colour, read etc with things from my stocking and then take time over gradually unwrapping others over course of day, with time to spend on each rather than a frenzied rush and then getting on with them on my own.

For some people, it really does extend excitement and really isn't torture!

We always do it your way too, OP. There is never time in the morning for full present opening so it is always the excitement of stockings and the main gift from Father Christmas first thing, then breakfast and then Church for the Christmas morning service. After Church there is the harbour swim (watching and partaking) before home for lunch so family presents are left until after lunch.

I have never seen a queens or kings speech in my 61 Christmases.

We start on Christmas Eve which I’m sure is very controversial but that’s when DH’s family celebrate, so the family on that side open presents after dinner (at 6pm or so) and DD will get her presents from them then.

Christmas morning we’ll do stocking in our bed then down to Santa presents (one or two will be from me and DH instead) and open all of those.

If we see my side of the family that day it will be their presents after dinner, otherwise (like this year) they’ll get given and opened at their house on Boxing Day.

We don’t really get many extras beyond this, maybe 4 or 5 from friends and extended family, and those will be opened whenever.

DD is the only grandchild on both sides and gets loads so I think spreading it over a few days is good.

Why is your question only relevant to middle class posters? I assume that some working class people and some upper class people might watch the King's speech? And many middle class people, like me, will find it a complete irrelevance!

I was simply sharing my experience of one year, and how I felt, @cardibach - shame on me for being honest. So many people on here saying that children are so excited, it would be cruel to make them wait until after lunch, but heaven forfend that, a kid, I found opening the presents to be the most (not the only) exciting part of the day.

”Do you think the several posters who have said doing it this way was miserable told their parents at the time? Or might they have made the best of it?” - as I don’t know them I can’t say, @cardibach. All I can say is that I was happy as a kid, doing it that way, and I know, and knew, my sons well enough to be able to tell that they were really enjoying it too.

On Christmas eve we do presents between siblings and from children to us . They get small presents which are otherwise lost in the excitement of Christmas. This is actually one of their favourite bits.

On Christmas day they have stockings in the morning then breakfast and church. Home and finish lunch prep.

Main presents after lunch - we give out a present each then all open together so it doesn't take too long.

Santa doesn't bring the tree presents in our house and I think it's important for them to say thank you for their presents which have taken a lot of time, effort and money to buy.

Sounds pretty miserable to me. It’s meant to be a fun day, that sounds so rigid, formal and structured. Taking it in turns is painful, we did it as kids in my house and I always felt it ruined things. Each to their own but I’m team your DH here.

I have always done it the OPs way. I would compromise on timing but the dealbreaker for me is taking in turns for present opening.

I spent one year with DHs family when the kids all ripped into their presents in a frenzy of wrapping paper and it honestly really upset me. I think it is so disrespectful of the thought that has gone into present buying and stinks of materialism.

I don't have any issue with taking it in turns (that's what we always did) but waiting until the afternoon to see if you'd got what you wanted for your main presents would've stressed me out majorly...

My ex's family did that but they were upper class, so they didn't give any 'proper' presents - the aim was to find something 'amusing' that was cheap and a bit silly and embarrassing to open in front of extended family. It was all followed by charades and parlour games. If it's just you, dh and a 3 yesr old, I'd let the little one rip open his presents in the morning and enjoy them and let you and dh have a whinge free day.

I really don't think it's materialism or anything, and there's a good argument that spending a ton of time and focus on gifts is just as materialistic just in a different way. It's just learned norms in each family and it feels uncomfortable to break them.

I do think there's a middle ground and the way some people describe having to sit for ages putting on a show sounds exhausting to me. We take turns but it moves fast and DC play with/show each other their already opened gifts and adults chatter the whole way - someone will call "Gravy, Great-Granny is opening yours" or whatever and I look over from the toy I'm loading batteries into or the story my SIL is telling me about where she bought the earrings I opened last. We just slow it down enough that openers have time to note who something is from and say thank you before the next person starts up, and givers get to see their gift opened. And I do personally enjoy getting to see the gifts I've picked out opened - that makes the entire Christmas shopping marathon feel like less of a chore to me.

I like this and can see this being our compromise!

Totally working class (mining family background). Never watched the Queen's speech because I was a kid and it was boring. We just spread the presents out throughout the day.

And even worse we would go round the other side of the family boxing day and open presents then too. The horror