AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Wondering if there are actually two tribes. The wake up and let rip ones and the stocking first thing and presents after lunchers. And never the twain shall meet! And if they marry there’s trouble! Maybe it needs to be one of those questions when assessing whether to get married like do you want children or to live in Australia 😀

Eh?

I don't think I've ever discussed this sort of thing with anyone I know outside of my own family. It may have come up in passing, but I really have no idea how people I know spend their Christmas days.

One camp think the other side are mean joyless child abusers the other side see early openers as crass /spoilt brats / materialistic/ verruca salt types who lack of appreciation for present giver…

How far do you extend this? Isn’t it “controlling” to expect children to wait for the arbitrary date of December 25th instead of giving them their gifts at the point you buy them?

It’s never been an issue for us as it’s just normal for us to open presents in the afternoon, so no-one feels like it’s some terrible deprivation because it’s just what they expect.

Probably related but we’ve never had the issue of children waking up at stupid o clock on Xmas morning because they don’t expect they’re going to open presents then anyway.

It’s a frequent discussion in my office this time of year and I know from photos on social media or messages thanking me for the gifts in the morning. Also conversations about what time the kids woke up, discussion about how fast they opened their gifts. Perfectly normal christmas chit chat and perfectly normal to know that none of my friends make their kids wait until the afternoon for gifts. Maybe some people don’t chat with their friends about this kind of thing, but mine all do

I’m with you OP. It was the way I did things when growing up and the way that we as a family do things now. I’ve spoken to the girls about this in the past and they are always adamant that they prefer it this way as it spreads the magic out throughout the day and means that more thought is put into opening the gifts. The idea of a frenzied pile in first thing sounds repulsive to me.

I control many aspects of my children's lives. I am their parent.

If they know about patience, anticipation & grace then upholding the traditions that their family have held for generations isn't going to ruin all the excitement.

Once they get to a certain age they know their gifts are hidden in a bedroom or something. How is that different to it being round the tree (we don't put presents round the tree until Xmas eve anyway)?

If a child is harmed by this 'controlling behaviour' then I would suggest there is more going on than waiting to open a present.

Fair enough.
I think you are maybe younger than I am. My kids are a bit older so while I certainly had discussions with colleagues (what gifts they were getting, what their plans were, what time they woke up), I don't recall the open all/make 'em wait debate being discussed.

Stockings is a newish thing to me, we never did them as kids! But we open that first, then all the presents we've got him and from my side of the family (we spend christmas eve together at my parents and secretly exchange). The presents aren't from Santa he just delivers them all!

My other halfs family like to open together, so we all gather at MIL's Christmas Day and exchange when we're there (they aren't under the tree) and open together later in the day (after dinner). I wasn't a fan at first as Santa brings the presents to your house in my world 😂But if we didnt participate my DS wouldn't have anything to open with everyone else later on in the day and it's become a nice christmas day part 2. DS is also 3.

As the mother of a Christmas Day child, may I gently suggest that in the context of logistics and managing the day, you are all very lucky. 😀

Husband is right

There is this.

I don’t think “traditions” can be forced, they have to evolve.

I say yanbu because of course both ways of doing it are valid. But I would also think expecting a child to do that very slow measured way of opening presents is unreasonable- children want to just open them all!

Mine are grown up now, but my friends still have young children so it’s a pretty normal topic of chat on Christmas for me. I know a lot about my friends lives and routines, feels normal to me to know this level of detail.

Why would they ask if there are more presents after opening all the presents? That’s never happened in my family.

Again with the frenzy! You can open presents mindfully, appreciating each one and thanking the giver, or noting it down for a thank you letter, when the presents are opened before lunch too, you know. Early does not equal frenzied.

No I'm saying that we take our time opening presents in the morning. Its not straight from stockings to main presents, there's a gap. Whether we fill that with Church or something else but it's spaced out

Oh. Well that’s what we do too. Open them all in the morning, slowly and considerately with gaps for breakfast etc. So you’re arguing with people who do exactly the same thing as you!

Our stockings are small and just contain sweets, chocolate, and things like magazines. No toys able to entertain children, those go under the tree to be opened in the morning.

I'm always amazed at the size of "stockings" some families must have.

I'm not arguing with anyone, I just said what we do. For me personally opening everything (stocking and main presents) first thing would be too much. We do stockings, have a break and then settle to open main presents. The length of that break depends on how long it takes DS to have breakfast, get dressed and whether or not we go to Church and whether any meal prep is needed. We then each grab a drink and settle to open main presents which could be anytime between 11.00 and 12.30.

You do realise those of us who open presents early don’t just rip though everything?

”crazed frenzy” indeed 😂

it’s not a tear off the wrapping and done in 10 mins. It’s open one, show parents, exclaim over whatever, parent asks who it’s from and makes a note (if from relative we aren’t seeing). Put to one side, tidy the wrapping/paper, on to the next.

when the kids were little if could often take an hour or two with breaks for cups of tea and breakfast, or the grufalo or whatever.

probably not much different to those who wait, just earlier in the day.

or do those kids who are made to wait rip open everything in a frenzy because they’ve been desperate to do it all day?

I prefer also to get all the rubbish and recycling cleared, the presents collected and tidied, before I start on dinner/go out to see relatives.

as for what do you do the rest of the day- play with the toys, watch tv, see relatives, go for a walk, cook dinner…

honestly the ridiculousness that anyone doing anything even slightly differently doesn’t appreciate or take their time is madness.

I love the stockings part. Ours cost about £30 to fill and contain a mix of funny, useful and thoughtful small gifts

If you are a "santa-only-brings-the stocking" family, they've been looking at those presents for weeks

Exactly the same as us then! All in the morning, before lunch, without ripping everything open in a crazed frenzy 😁

You don’t have to say all presents are from Santa in order to not have them under the tree before Christmas Day. I’d hate to have all the presents on display for ages. Takes the surprise element away and you can draw a lot of conclusions about contents from parcel size.