AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Play with the presents? Even the most illiterate ingrate pauper usually receives some craft kit/book to read/jigsaw that can be "done" in the afternoon, having been opened in the morning 😉

Why would they open them in 30 seconds if they open them in the morning, but slower if they open them in the afternoon? Presents take the same amount of time to open whatever time of day it is. Present opening takes all morning here as they do it slowly and look at each gift properly, and we note down who it came from for thank you cards. Why would it be slower if we did it after dinner?
If anything we’d have to race through them after dinner as it would be about 8pm by then and they’d want time to play with them too!

Big pile of presents under the tree, in gift sacks, on the sofa on the chairs. I'm always up first and by 6am I'm waking dp and the kids up (19 and 24) to open presents. Then everyone sorts out everything they've got, family come over, more presents, then visit family, more presents, then lunch and relax with a good film and nibbles and drinks. How it was when I was a child and how I do it with mine. No right or wrong way, it's what you grew up with. (And I would be the one who couldn't wait for the dc to open gifts!!!)

As kids my mum did similar OP and I absolutely loved it. The whole day was a series of exciting things to wait for - Father Christmas bringing your stocking, grandparents arriving, Christmas dinner, then tree presents (from family, friends, school, selection boxes etc). I remember the wait being soooo long as we pestered my mum when lunch would be ready but that was part of the fun. I do think it's good to have delayed gratification sometimes.

But the difference was that our main presents from our mum came 'from Father Christmas', so they were in pillowcase 'stockings' when we woke up. So we did have our main presents to play with all day and the fun of opening those first thing with mum. Looking back it was generous of her as a single parent to give Santa all the credit!

Yes 😂😂😂 I would! But if it makes you happy, crack on 😂 that's the whole point of family festive traditions! So virtuous, the walk first 🫡

OP came and asked if she was being boring and IMHO she is!! You have to compromise a bit and she's just trying to railroad DH. I've accepted a bunch of my husband's family traditions 😉 but if he'd tried "presents after lunch" or "watch the queen's speech" I might not have done...

So your plan is to make them wait all day to open their presents from family, and then they can't even do that ... they have to 'take it in turns'?

Team husband here.

How do presents like bikes or dolls prams work? If you have to wait until after lunch to open it it’s probably dark and can’t go out. One of nice things is seeing children on estate out with their presents. If I walk the dog we’ll stop and admire it - what a lovely red tricycle /santa brought it/aren’t you lucky.
My grandparents did after eating and it was always felt too late and lacking excitement.
I just think you are setting up to dc wanting to rush lunch. I can’t see how a stocking present can fill the morning.

My husband's family did it this way when he was a child and I really don't understand how the little children managed to wait. We were with them at Christmas when our first nephew was about 1 year old and the plan was for him to ignore the big pile of presents under the tree while the grown ups went to church and had a big lunch. He and I were both totally confused and after about half an hour everyone relented and let him rip into the presents.

That doesn't help.....
You buy FC presents. Given in stocking
Extended Family give presents which will be opened when they are there- totally normal.
When do you want her to open her non stocking gifts from you and your DH?

I'm saying that if we go straight from stocking to tree presents it is a lot for DS to handle. By spacing out the stocking and tree presents there is time to enjoy each element on its own.

Again, I'll do me and you do you. Our presents are generally open by lunch but that's because we face time my parents so they can see DS open the presents from them.

This sounds joyless, sorry. Mine are 6 and 3, they'll open stockings in bed, and then tree gifts once we're up. BUT - tree gifts usually take a few days, not due to ridiculous excess, but because they open one and then really want to play with it. If they were opening and throwing aside I'd think they didn't really want/appreciate the gift. My ds for example has one thing only on his wish list, a building game for the switch (not minecraft), which santa is bringing - I imagine after that is opened first thing after stockings, he'll want a good couple of hours at least on it until we pry him away!

Too many rules suck the fun out of Christmas I think. Let them enjoy it at their own pace :)

6am? Wow! I’d be dead by mid morning 😂 We don’t get back from midnight mass until about 1am, and Dd is always so excited she’s not asleep before 2am. I always pray she sleeps in late on Christmas Day!

I’d say the opposite. By making him wait you are saying the only good thing is the presents so they need to be opened sparingly or it will all be over.

We have always done things your way OP, DH found it a little strange at first but he wasn't too bothered either way.
My dc now say that they wouldn't want the rip open at 6 am stuff, but of course they aren't used to it.
Compromises are probably the way forward.

Stockings on the bed.
breakfast
gifts between us
(travel to mum’s unless I’m hosting)
drinks
gifts at mum’s
lunch
after lunch - play games, take bikes out etc depending on what they got
family board games
tea

Yup. Making present-opening a long, drawn out process over the course of the day absolutely makes it the core focus and centres the receiving of gifts.

Having them all opened before lunch leaves the afternoon for quality family time, including enjoying new gifts and games together.

Issue with this thread is loaded language like 'ripping' in to presents when it's first thing in the morning (working class feral children pouncing on presents and ripping them to shreds in the morning) but somehow not when it's after lunch (middle class dainty unwrapping). I think the Victorian lady on page 1 set the tone for this

Sorry my reply meant to quote this

So after arguing that opening them before lunch meant some sort of ungrateful frenzy, it’s what you do anyway?

Can't speak for OP but for us growing up that would have been the same time as other family presents. They would have been under the tree for a few days and opened after lunch, some time around 3.

Now we do stockings in the morning still and then some of the tree presents mid-morning, whichever ones they want to go for then finish after lunch. It's too much in one go. So ours might be opened about 10.30, might be about 4.

Nah, all presents ripped open in a cloud of wrapping paper first thing in the morning. Bollocks to waiting until after lunch.

Let your kid open everything you weirdo 😆

Why don't you toss a coin for it this year and agree that next year you'll try it the other way? Then decide whether to go with one way or the other, or alternate.

Why would they ‘rip’ them open if they did it in the morning, but open them slowly and carefully if they do it in the afternoon? I don’t get it 😂

Yours sounds miserable to me. Presents in the morning, waiting till after dinner and taking turns, awful.

We did FC and parent presents in the morning.

In the afternoon we were with the in laws and we took it in turns to open, generally all the DC first then the adults.

Boxing Day gifts from other family and friends.

My adult DC still like that, spreads it out and doesn't get lost in a consumerism gift fest. With 4 DC it needed to be a bit controlled else it was bonkers. One year at the in laws we let the 6 young DC go for it. Was carnage, no one knew what belonged to whom or who the gift was from.