AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

It makes no sense to me. Of course they should open their presents from you first thing. Your way sounds miserable and would spoil things. Your DH is right.

I also have a 3 year old and if I told her she couldn’t open presents until later in the afternoon I’d have a day of her asking when she can open her presents.

Well there’s no such thing as ‘normal’ as everyone does things differently.
We don’t gather anywhere with anyone as we don’t have much extended family and those we do have are 100s of miles away, so all gifts are done at home, just us. We don’t have Christmas dinner until about 6pm so we’re not going to wait until after that to open them. We do stockings in bed, then come downstairs and open the gifts under the tree. Brunch, a walk, home to play with the toys then dinner in the evening.

If I’m reading this correctly, the presents under the tree that come from ‘Santa’ and you don’t touch them till the extended family arrive?
Don’t you want to do that in private with just your husband and 3yr old? Enjoying watching their little face light up as they open a present that you hand picked because you know they’ll love it. Why would you want to make that a spectator sport…

@Brandysauce why don't you compromise and dc opens Santa gifts / stocking in the morning and saves relatives gifts until later with the others as surely any cousins or kids coming have already opened their Santa gifts?

You might get away with your way this year but as dc gets older it will be a fight and it's unfair to make them wait, even though they may have that 'exciting' gift from their stocking.

I don't think it's fair to make kids wait nowadays as it's only for the benefit of the grown ups caring for them.

We do Santa gifts as soon as they wake as they just can't contain their excitement then when we go to family for dinner they take a toy/ toys and also I make sure a relative has a toy dc really want so they open that there too.
For me it's all about the kids being happy.

I can’t imagine Christmas like this . It’s not the way I do it , so obviously I’m going to think different but I can’t imagine trying to cook Christmas dinner with the children being hyped up wanting to open presents . We have always done presents first thing- the children bounding in at 7 , then they are occupied with their toys whilst I’m doing lunch , family come for lunch and so they then have more presents to open later . It’s what Christmas Day is for me - the children around me happily playing with their toys then by the evening , they’re not as hyped up and happily playing quietly whilst I then relax with a baileys , chocolate and the soaps !

Tbh a 3 year old takes ages to get through gifts in my experience, can you do stocking and cherry pick some morning tree presents and then more later when everyone is opening?

I’m totally with you @Brandysauce but I seem to be in a minority. The way you’ve described is what I did growing up and is what my DS has done and his cousins… in fact, neither he nor I or my sister ever had a ‘big’ present when opening stockings.

i always used to think, if you open all your presents by 10am or whatever what do you then do all day?! I was lucky in that my OH had a similar routine and traditions growing up. We open one present each before lunch / with the champagne etc and then open the rest of the presents after lunch. And yes we take turns and wait! I remember being with my little cousins one Christmas and it was just mayhem, with them opening their presents as fast as possible.

The waiting - until after the Kings speech for DH is a snob thing. Middle classes looking down on the uncouth chavs who cannot wait, just so you know. Take the stick out of your arse and let go once in a while. It does you good.

This is really interesting because our Christmas is more like your ideal Christmas and it was as a child too. Posters here are saying it's miserable not to rip into everything first thing and "odd" that family presents are under the tree already but I've honestly never found it miserable or odd.

Stockings are first thing and like you I put some exciting, time occupying things in. Even adults get a stocking in our house, I'm not that "miserable". Then we have a posh breakfast, get washed and dressed. I help the kids set up their stocking gifts (batteries etc) and mess around with them. Husband cooks lunch and pops in and out of the fun, which usually involves watching Home Alone and zoom calling grandparents. Main presents are after lunch (straight after, we delay clearing up!)

I will say that when mine were younger(and especially if lunch prep was dragging on more than expected) we did sometimes let them open a couple of main presents around midday to keep them going. Especially if it was an outdoor thing like a scooter, roller skates etc as then the "messing around" time could involve a trip to the park to try it out while there was daylight. But first thing in the morning is for Santa's stocking only.

They are older now and I do still give them the option of opening a couple of main presents before lunch and they always say they would rather wait and have them all at once so they know they still have the best bit of the day to come. Perhaps my kids are miserable and odd as well!

To show you the flip side I recall my friends at school talking me how they raced downstairs at 6am and had ripped everything open by 6.30. I thought how awful, 6.30am and the best bit of the day is over and you still have to get dressed, clean your teeth, eat sprouts and do all the boring bits!

My husband was from a morning-opening family but he's been happy to adopt my preference especially as it makes the waves of excitement (ripping open the Santa presents, finding batteries, clearing up paper) with a gap in between, easier to manage. However, the few Christmases I spent at PILs (RIP) we did open in the morning but even that was around 11am or so with a glass of champers, fully dressed in our finery, very civilised.

Eurgh presents after dinner is horrible.

Both ways sound fine, but if it was me with a 3 yo I'd keep the afternoon presents out of sight until the afternoon, or it's going to feel like a looooong wait (for all of you!)

We tend to stagger the kids gifts throughout the day. They do stockings in our room as soon as waking. Then we head downstairs for a cup of tea and a few pressies while the croissants warm. Then breakfast and maybe back upstairs to get dressed. Then either family arrive or we head out taking remaining presents if there are any with us which are usually opened over lunch, along with the gifts from family.

i always used to think, if you open all your presents by 10am or whatever what do you then do all day?!

Well I can answer that for my family! We cook and eat brunch, the kids play with their presents, we go out for a long walk, come back for more playing (kids) and meal prep (DH). Eat a leisurely dinner, a board game or two after dinner, watch a Christmas film, more playing with presents… we definitely manage to not get bored 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ha! Came on to post this reel.

no way at all would that work in my house and what’s the point? They’ve had to wait 364 days already. Just let everyone open and enjoy playing with/using their gifts.

I can’t imagine making kids wait until after lunch to open their main presents. And for me personally, taking it in turns to open presents one by one is my idea of hell 😂

I can’t believe the amount of people who all open presents in one go?! I always thought it was normal to wait and take your turn! Surely you miss people’s reactions if it all happens at once? The whole unwrapping process takes long in our house due to this, but seeing everyone’s response to the presents is so worth it, not just rushing through and opening as much as possible as fast as possible!

Not sure why the OP is getting heat here from some posters. She left her phone on the side, in her own house!

Her neice is 5, not 2! She is old enough to know not to take things that don't belong to her, especially in someone else's house. She's old enough to know not to deface other people's things. It seems that she doesn't know those things because she's completely pandered to! Her behaviour is no more acceptable as a girl loving 'girly things' than a boy destroying things because 'that's what boys do'. I don't know any parent that wouldn't be mortified and replacing the item.

I will add to my earlier long post that I do think taking turns to open presents is a step too far/too formal. Having said that I take ages to open mine as I keep pausing to watch the kids reactions and make a mental note of what they got from other people so I can remind them to say thank later.

How does it work with turns then?

me and dh as adults will likely have one or two presents each. The kids really aren’t bothered about our “reactions”, or each others, tbh.

so each kid opens one, I do, dh does, and then what, you make the kids take it in turns?

it’s not opening as fast as possible. The kids will work through theirs, and dh and I can see their reactions, have them bring things to us to show, it’s not instant! It still takes a while.

usually once the kids are done they will fetch mine and dh’s from under the tree and help us open them.

Sorry OP, I'm on team open in the morning too.

We did it like this. Except had to wait till after church to open anything. It was miserable.

Talk to each other. Play with new toys. Set up new tech gifts. Play games. Watch movies. Absolutely nothing to do with class.

Lets replace the word 'mindlessly' with 'joyfully' and suddenly it seems a bit less 'crass' doesn't it?
Perhaps you should aim for a more positive outlook, as you sound terribly snobby and miserable. What's mindless about young children's excitement exactly?