AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

I agree with above messages re. compromise.

I think a good compromise would be to open stockings first thing, just as you do now, and then perhaps get ready for the day - shower, best Christmassy clothes on, breakfast, church (if you do that) - and then open presents under the tree a bit later in the morning. Then your little one can play with presents while you and your DH get Christmas lunch ready.

This is exactly how we did it and the same for my husband, so luckily no disagreements on it. It always kept the excitement going for more of the day. Stocking from Father Christmas first thing and tree presents from family after lunch. We as kids loved it as we got to hand out all the gifts from under the tree also. I definitely don't think it's miserable OP

Your way sounds a bit harsh on the kids. They're not little for long, let them open their gifts first thing Scrooge

We had to wait until everyone was up, then take turns. I never minded the turns, but waiting until my older teen siblings were up was a form of torture to much younger me. I would have exploded if I had to wait until after lunch! I tried turns with my kids, but they do not have the patience. There would be several meltdowns amd a miserable day if they only got their stockings to last most of the day.

I’m so excited on my son’s behalf I wouldn’t be able to wait until after lunch, so can’t imagine what it would be like for a 4 year old to have to wait!

It's not miserable if that's how you've been raised.
It seems that posters think their own way is right. That's good and how it should be.
Telling other people their own traditions are miserable isn't really on.

Sorry but your idea of Christmas sounds terrible to me. Presents from Santa for the kids opened in the morning, extended family gifts opened after dinner when we’re all together.

The little one’s love handing parcels out. It’s part of the fun.

Also, if you spread the parcels out, I think you appreciate them more. You also have a better chance of jotting down who gave what, for the thank-you letters.

Your way is how we always did it. Now we have children we aren't rigid about it and we do things at different times depending on whose house we are in.

It's definitely not miserable.

Why do you assume that your way must be better just because that's how you did it when you were kids? You had great Christmases when you were a kid doing it your way. Your DH also had great Christmases doing it his family's way.

Personally, I'd get all presents opened in the morning and then the kids have the rest of the day to play with their new stuff. I'm pretty sure that when I was a child I'd have been way too excited about the prospect of more presents to actually enjoy my Christmas lunch and I'd have been sitting there desperate for the meal to end. I also would have found it a bit overwhelming having to open all my stuff with assorted cousins etc around. And the whole 'taking it in turns' thing is just painfully slow and boring, plus if there are kids with different numbers of presents etc then it's going to be very obvious if turns are being taken. Plus, if the cousins have already opened their presents at their own houses in the morning, they are going to have a lot less to open and are going to be bored shitless watching your kids open their stuff.

That's literally what she's described

How on earth is your 3 year old supposed to contain himself all day seeing a pike of presents unopened. Surely people will be bring gifts and I think they will get a lot of pleasure in watching him open them without being subsumed in all the others. Alternatively divide the presents in half, without him seeing them and then give half in the morning.

We stopped going to MilLs for Christmas because she did this, the children would be perfectly behaved all day while various relatives did their own thing. By the time the presents were opened the children were ready for bed.

Christmas is funny, because everyone thinks that their own way is the right way. I do love how later posters have totally flipped the smug 'middle class' indicator though 😂I totally agree that making the presents the focal point of the day (either having to wait, or spreading them out throughout the day) is far more materialistic than opening them first thing. Waiting for Christmas morning is already delayed gratification, I used to love Christmas Eve because the anticipation was incredible. Not just about the presents, but about having a nice family day.

In our house it was up, presents from Santa and parents, parents would also open their presents, then extended family came round and we swapped gifts with them. IMO this way actually puts more of a focus on giving. If a child has lots of presents to open with extended family they're going to be focusing on that rather than the nice scarf they're giving to granny.

Depending on who we are seeing, we would have presents from us (mum and dad and anyone we are not seeing Christmas Day but has sent presents) in the morning and then presents from visiting family in the afternoon when they come.

I think you need to compromise and mix it up each year.

Presents for us have always been first thing in the morning. Stockings and then main presents. I loved better than seeing my boys running down stairs on Xmas Day to see if Santa has been and then opening all their presents. Magical.

I voted YANBU but i meant YABU no way my kids would have waited all day

It is interesting the language and air of superiority that the 'waiters' have. 'Tearing' or 'ripping' into the presents first thing as opposed to...gently opening them and folding the paper up if you do it after lunch??

We do as many pp seem to- stockings in bed, down for Father Christmas presents then breakfast. Play with new toys, possibly late morning walk then family arrive so family gifts while prepping christmas dinner (we eat at 5 ish). Then board games, drinks and long meal at the table.

Works perfectly. Children aren't ungrateful and tearing through gifts they love the excitement. Have plenty to play with when the parents need to sort the food or need a well earned rest later!

What is miserable is refusing to find compromise that work for both husband and wife. What is miserable if thinking one is superior because they use Christmas as a teaching tool instead of just enjoying the day, like a few posters on here.

What is also likely to be miserable is to be so rigid, and when in reality life happens and you are much happier if you go with the flow.

Kids are all different, circumstances are different and no 2 Christmas will be the same, in term of guests, holidays and so on. No wonder people get so stressed and miserable about the whole day when they are so uptight and inflexible about it.

When I was with my EXP we did it "your" way. It was miserable and stilted.

We always did it the OP's way as well. Stockings were from Father Christmas and opened first thing in the morning, before breakfast. There was stuff in there to keep us occupied through the morning. Late lunch, and a dog walk, then under the tree presents which were from family were opened around 3/4pm.

It spreads out the excitement. If you open everything in one go first thing, isn't it likely the most exciting big present is fixated on and everything else cast aside? If you spread it out across the day you get to enjoy your stocking presents, and then you get the fun of more present opening later. I'd find it a bit odd having nothing in particular to do after lunch if we'd done all the presents hours ago!

The French among others famously open their presents at midnight on the 24th. Some posters would have a fit if they had to join in instead of waiting for pretty much boxing day😂

For DH and me and now for our children there is no rushing down anyway. Under tree presents are from whoever they are from and are under the tree as soon as they arrive. DH did a ton of wrapping last night so today most of the presents are already there.

Stockings are the only bits that arrive overnight on Christmas Eve here. So there's no containing of excitement about the new "pile" that needs to happen.

Perfect!

I think in practice as the cousins get older there is zero chance of them waiting till the afternoon to open their pressies at aunties house .
So in reality it would be cousins arriving with all their pressies and then all watching your kids open presents in the afternoon .
Maybe if it was just your family you can set your own traditions but I think you'll struggle to get other families to fall into your way of doing things .

Yes that’s exactly it, maybe I should have clarified. Only stockings are from Father Christmas and magically appear overnight, the presents under the tree gradually appear throughout December and are understood to be from family. There was never any rushing down to see the presents under the tree, the children had been sat staring at them all month!