AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

I'm a bit boggled that people think gifts are the best bits of Christmas. I think I'm glad we do it our way. The gifts set the mood but they're not the best bit, the thought of taking turns and people watching you open a pressie gives me the absolute heebie jeebies. Why on earth would you do that to people?

I've always done it your way, I would have Santa presents, then breakfast, then church, home for dinner, walk after that and then main presents around 3pm(after the queens speech)
We took it in turn to open presents so we could see what everyone else got, luckily my husband was brought up the same(minus church)

I have 6 kids all adults now and they prefer how we do it than ripping into everything straight away, it spreads everything out over the day

Weird and self absorbed? Nope. Most people just open gifts, not all sit staring one by one.

My husbands family view Christmas as a strictly religious holiday so spent most of the day in church and don't even have a family meal or exchange presents.

Gosh, now that sounds miserable.

One year we went to my nans for Christmas and had to wait until after lunch for presents, it was the longest most boring Christmas day I ever had.

Absolutely with your dh. Your way is far too formal and how the children can wait all that time I don’t know. Christmas Day is all about the excitement of Father Christmas coming for the children.

I would hate everyone's attention being on me as I opened a present. I mean look how it ended for poor old Emma Thompson in Love Actually

We have always done stocking presents first thing, then had breakfast, walked the dogs, got ready for the day then when family arrive we have a glass of bubbly/some canapes and then open main presents before lunch.

I couldn't think of anything worse than opening all the presents first thing in the morning and having nothing to look forward to for the rest of the day

It's not staring. It's taking it in turns. It's not weird that you don't do it that way, it's weird that you think sharing an experience with your family is excruciating and miserable!
Do you all eat in separate rooms as well, so you don't have to look at each other?

Ours is kind of similar to yours but the children get to open a bit more in the morning.

First thing the DC have breakfast (they dictate eating first!). Then they open presents from Father Christmas, Me & DH & presents from non-family members (like god parents, my friends & DH friends who buy for them).

Then we get ready to go to family. Usually my eldest sisters house but this year it’s my brother’s. We have Christmas dinner around 2pm.

After dinner we open gifts from all the family that’s present. Then dessert.

We then repeat this 2 more times on Boxing Day & the day after Boxing Day at my other sibling’s houses or my MIL’s house. It’s never ending!

I grew up having presents spread over the day so it’s totally normal for us.

All presents opened in the morning, try to clear a bit of carpet space, presents into piles, children play with presents, after lunch children continue to play with presents and also the board games come out.
Find it bizarre that someone said what do you do after lunch if all the presents have been opened? You play with the presents!
(How many times have I written presents in one post!)

Oh and we always take turns opening presents! Other people find it weird but it’s what we’ve always done!

Just because you have good memories does not mean totally different ones can be made and it is the fairly usual for kids to wake and dive in. Either way putting your foot down made me laugh not heard that one in a while but ye me and hubby discuss and agree on stuff together and it does sound all your way

We always have FC presents in the morning (stocking/sack) and then presents from family after lunch. It makes the whole day more fun IMO, otherwise all the excitement is over first thing.

It depends though - I wouldn't want my kids to be opening presents in front of relatives kids, I think that could get messy. So if you have lots of family with their kids coming round then I'd open all presents before that.

I like your idea OP and also I think it suits a 3 year old's attention span better - you may well find he's not that into ripping open loads of presents all at once. His attention will drift and he'll just want to play with the thing he's opened. That was my experience when DD was 3. She's now 6 and I think this is actually the first year where she might actually want to open everything all at once. Depends on the child I guess. But we used to do similar to you - spread presents out throughout the day (and sometimes leave some until Boxing Day and beyond) because she was happy just playing with what she had opened.

My ex family used to open presents after lunch. Obviously lunch can even with planning have a varying time, I hated it. We are very much children can open stockings whenever they want so if it’s 5 in the morning that’s fine and then presents as soon as everyone is up. But everyone has to be up, chocolate from selection boxes for breakfast none of this special breakfast therefore adding pressure.

I don't think a 3 year old will struggle with "no, presents are for later" if that's the precedent that's been set. Mine have never questioned how we do it, as it's how we always did it.

Actually they did, the one year their father decided he wanted them Christmas day. They were allowed all their presents as soon as they got up. They didn't like it. Mainly because they were used to how we did things at home. (Ex had agreed to do things my way when we were together, but changed once we split, as was his perogative)

We do Christmas the same way as Brandysauce. The kids were so used to it, it was never a problem. The kids also have to deliver all the presents to the correct person so the adults are sat waiting.
Also we weren't allowed the presents as a kid until the washing up was done and Grandma (who cooked) was sat with a glass of something nice so she could relax.
We don't do that part.

I also agree that dragging presents out all day makes them the total focus of the day. I prefer to get them done, clear the paper and then get on with the day.

@Cooriedoon yep as I posted close to you - being regimented is the biggest killer of Xmas spirit-see also relatives who insist on Xmas dinner at 1pm on the dot etc!!!

This sounds very like ours!

I remember an old boyfriend being very shocked the first Christmas he spent with my family to be woken up at 7am by my uncle turning the hall light on and off and shouting: “he’s been, he’s been, Santa’s been, everyone up!”, at which point we all charged downstairs and tore straight into our presents.

He was shocked because the youngest “child” in the family at that point was in his 20s….

DH switched quite happily to “our way” of doing things, but his sister and her DH do it your way. Have to say, I do find it a little joyless. Christmas Day isn’t a time for restraint, IMO.

I think it's bloody cruel to make children wait until after lunch tbh.

Surely the thing to look forward to is having a cosy day in with your family, stuffing your face with Roses and cracking open a new board game and simply just spending time in each other's company?

Seems pretty weird to me to make the focus of the day all about what "stuff" you get rather than just having a day to spend time with the family, and it's mean as fuck to make kids sit and stare at unopened presents for hours for no reason.

Sorry your way does sound rather miserable. We always opened presents in the morning, I would have hated to see the presents and not be able to open them as a kid.

We had presents after lunch when I was a child, as an only child with boring adults and lots of wrapped presents under the tree it was miserable.
Mum insisted everyone took turns to watch each other unwrap then there would be a full on discussion on the merits of each present🙄
With my kids it was a free for all, chaos, mess, laughter and lots of fun.
For the last 10 years, not celebrated it at all as we are pagan. They were great times for the kids though.