Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

They should replace the case. There's no question of not doing so, they're responsible for the behaviour of their child, not you.

Don't give the case to the child, she can't get things by marking them as hers! Get her some permanent markers as a gift, let her parents deal with that.

More concerning is their general attitude towards you. Can you try putting a spotlight on their putdowns? Don't answer their snipes but ask them to repeat what they said or ask them what they mean or even "why do you want to know that?". And then, "Oh" is they only answer you need to give. You don't need to explain yourself or your actions or behaviour to them when it doesn't involve them. Move the conversation on with "Gosh, hasn't it got cold" (or equivalent). Every time.

I googled and that is one ugly case. Looks like someone stuck a finger in the mould while it was still wet.

They should replace it though. They're raising a brat and will regret it when she's a teen.

Your sister is being unreasonable.

If you can afford it, replace the phone case rather than try to clean it as if its scratched it’s never going to look quite right.

Buy your neice something cheap but potentially destructive for your sister’s house. Play Doh or Slime would be good.

Give your BIL and Sister a picture of the defaced phone case as their Christmas gift. Bonus marks if you put it in a cheap frame and wrap it nicely. Present this as a nice gift for them because you remembered how cute they said her art work was. Throw the damaged case in the bin.

if you’ve already bought gifts for your sister and her family, sell them on eBay to recoup some or all of the cost of the phone case if you can’t return them for cash.

Op, it sounds like you need to work on making a stand with your sister. The way she treats you and looks down on you us not acceptable, and you know that, but these family dynamics are hard to break, and the one making the stand is often seen as the trouble maker, the unreasonable one, etc. But for your own self respect and mental wellbeing, I'd encourage to try and find ways of doing that. Otherwise, it will only carry on and get worse as the years go by.

In this case, for example, you might want to say, firmly but quietly, that this case was very special and symbolic to you, as a treat for having achieved something important, that you buy what you want with your money, and owe no one an explanation. And that if they are not prepared to replace it, you will return/not buy Christmas/future birthday presents to the value of £38.

And then batten down the hatches for the abuse you will receive, and stay strong.

Under no circumstances would I give your niece the case. It sounds like her parents are spoiling her and letting her turn into a brat. In fact, I would be tempted to throw it in the bin in front of her and explain it is because it is ruined. But that might be going too far. 🤣

What’s the point of this unpleasant comment? Do share why you needed to make a dig about the case.

Oh and £40 on a treat for yourself, from your own hard-earned money, for a major personal achievement is extremely mature and restrained! I’m twice your age and not that sensible. You deserved it and there is nothing wrong with choosing a nice item that you really want - it’s your treat not someone else’s and no one has any right to judge you.

So it's ok for the child to be taught her Aunt doesn't matter? That she can do what she likes as regards her Aunt's possessions and feelings?
Op's sister has no respect for her and you are saying it's OK to teach the child the same attitude.

It really doesn't matter if it's a relative, a friend or a stranger: respect for other people's property and respect for their feelings should all be treated equally.

And honestly you are blaming OP for letting her phone out of her sight in her own home??? That beggars belief.

lol, with the lip balm in it doesn't look that bad I promise 😂

Congrats on your weight loss OP!

I don't think it's petty for you to be annoyed about at all. It's something you own that's been ruined. Their reaction to you is awful. If one of my kids did that I'd be mortified and of course would buy a replacement. The cheek that you were told you should have looked after it better!

Some people are idiots and just can't parent, reminds me of our neighbours who used to borrow stuff of ours, let their kid break stuff and hand it back broken with an 'oops sorry they broke it but that's kids for you!' with no offer of a replacement.

Your Dsis and BIL sound clueless and rude. They should have apologised to you immediately, made their child apologise and told her what she did was wrong and bought you a replacement phone case.

Don’t involve the child’s presents in this, it’s not her fault she’s being badly brought up. Give your sister something small and spend the money on a replacement case.

I’d buy her some ‘girly’ glittery paint pens for Christmas 😜

The lump would bother me but that's a me thing!

I do take lip balm everywhere so can see the practical benefit.

Do you have a 5 year old? They are old enough to know not to destroy someone else's property

OP I would be mortified if my child did this. I would be ordering one online as soon as it became apparent that the marks would not come off.

What the hell is wrong with people?

OP I think it is reasonable for you to have a calm and kind but firm word with your niece and explain what she did was wrong. If her parents don’t teach her, you can try. I accept that many people would not feel comfortable with this. But it’s possible to be a loving aunt and also teach kids right from wrong. Indeed this is a key part of loving parenting too.

Yeah I think this has opened my eyes a bit, it's so stupid but I've viewed this weight loss as a reason to take care of myself and to have something I bought as part of that ruined and belittled has made me feel like shit

I would replace it and read the riot act to my child.
Why are you tip toeing around your sisters family.
Dont give them any presents, you keep saying it was a frivolous perchase but you wanted it and deserved it.
Dont let your sister bring you down, she will regret being so lenient with her child as the years go by and I say good luck to her.

Probably hasn’t much of a clue if she’s allowed into her mother’s make-up bag to make a mess routinely though? She needs to be told and shown how to behave properly.

OP, does your niece realise you were upset about what’d she’d done to your case? Sounds like she needs the learning opportunity.

Obviously her parents should replace it. It reflects very poorly on them that they won’t and I don’t see how you can make them unfortunately.

Is anything that you've bought DSis DN or DBIL for Christmas to the value of the case? If so return the gift(s) and wrap the case for DN. YANBU to be upset by this and by the lack of apology and replacement.

Have you already bought your sister / BIL presents? If not, don't and replace your case..

I would have expected them to tell child off and offer to pay but i wouldn't have taken their money. I think it is their attitude that is the problem. They are setting themselves up for problems by not teaching her to respect other people's belonging.

Buy yourself the new case and keep close eye on your things around neice. Definitely do not give neice the old one.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence Congrats on your weight loss! That’s brilliant.

YANBU and it’s not petty. I have older DC. If, at any age, they’d ruined (on purpose) someone else’s stuff, which they shouldn’t have been messing with in the first place, I’d have been mortified and really apologetic. I’d have explained to them they’ve been disrespectful, as you shouldn’t mess with people’s things without asking or draw on anything other than paper or colouring books. I’d explain they should apologise and I’d offer to pay for a replacement.

Your sister and BIL have an appalling attitude and are setting a bad example to their daughter. The phone case was yours, you’d only just bought it at some expense and their daughter ruined it. It’s not relevant and none of their business what you buy for yourself or what holidays you go on. Any more than it’s any of your business what they spend their money on.

If they refuse to reimburse you, buy another one for yourself and keep anything you don’t want messed with out of your niece’s way. Also, explain to your niece you’d like her not touch it, as you were sad she wrote all over the previous one, as it was special to you. Don’t make it a big deal but make sure she’s aware.

And make it clear to your sister you’re very disappointed at her disrespectful behaviour.

My nephew is like this, he’s 8, and an intentionally destructive little shit and his parents think it’s cute. Don’t let her have it, and send them a link to a new one. Have you tried hairspray or nail polish remover? That’s usually quite good.

Maybe she will give you one for Xmas ?

I wouldn't be giving niece/sister an xmas present, & say I used the money to replace my damaged item that they should have replaced.
(But it will create waves

They don’t sound very nice people OP. It’s your wages! Spend them how you like!!!!
I bought myself an expensive handbag with my bonus. I have kids, a mortgage, a car on credit so defo in the sensible category but I thought fook it, worked hard for that!