Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

An accident that someone is responsible for. In the case the kids parents.

it’s not an act of god FFS

No matter what happens re paying for a new case, if parents aren't keeping one eye on her and don't know what she's up to, she stays in the room with all of you.

The problem is as much their parenting as your DN distruction.

I’d buy a replacement case instead of a Christmas present for DN.

If she is like that with 5 and gets away with it, she will be a nightmare in 5 years. Sorry OP you deserve a nice treat and well done on your weight loss. Your Sis and BIL sound rude and unsupportive. I would be mortified if my child did this and would replace it.

What does a 5 year old want with a phone case?

They should have replaced it and if it were me, I wouldn’t be backing down on it. I absolutely won’t let people walk all over me. You are letting them belittle you and make you justify your decisions. I spend tons on myself and my own phone cases are at least £50 because I insist on Apple only and they are overpriced. But that’s my money, and my business.

Speak to your sister again and ask her if she really isn’t going to replace it and if she says not, say well ‘let’s not do Christmas presents this year’. You have an added expense already with replacing your lovely phone case and I’d have to keep pointing out to her that she needs to supervise her child.

I wouldn't give the phone case to your niece, that would just reinforce the message that if she wants something she gets it.

Instead, return any gift you've bought for your sister/BIL and give them the destroyed case for Christmas. Buy yourself a nice replacement from the saved money.

I know you can't really do this because of the fallout that would ensue, and you're a good person who couldn't bear to do it but can you imagine their faces at present-unwrapping time??. However you could feasibly reduce the value of your gifts to them all and use the difference to replace your phone case.

Sorry OP but this is not a niece problem, it's a sis problem. She thinks that because you're her sister she can get away with it. If it had been a friend I'm sure she'd offered to replace it, don't you think? Parents are responsible for their children : if my child breaks/damages something that's my problem to deal with by repairing or replacing. To laugh out load and tell you off for buying such an expensive item in the first place at the same time as they laugh at you for not going to luxury resorts just shows how little respect and consideration she has for you. Maybe she's secretly jealous of your freedom because she settled very young but that's no excuse for being a bitch.

Talk to her calmly and say that she's not doing her daughter any favours by encouraging her vandalistic tendencies and you expect to be reimbursed for the phone case because she's responsible for her daughter's actions.

So sorry your sis is awful to you. And she's setting up her daughter for problems in life because people will not find her behaviour cute. Take it from a mum; she's not someone I would invite for a playdate .

You are not in the wrong.
If she scribbles on something at school that belonged to another adult, child or the school, her parents would be told and she'd have to miss playtime or something - it isn't okay anywhere to break / write on something that belongs to someone else!
It's definitely not cute.
Maybe one day you'll be the better parent, OP.
Send her and him each the link to the new one via WhatsApp.
Get them a symbolic Xmas present, and but yourself a new £40 phone case.
You are not unreasonable.

Really not the point is it!!

OP she sounds spoilt and undisciplined and you're so right to be annoyed! When they come crying in the teen years... sit back and enjoy

They should replace it.

Op - with all due respect, you need to rethink your relationship with your sister as she’s a cow to you.

Absolutely this. They should offer to pay, i wouldn't accept it. Shes a kid

I wouldn't expect a replacement, she's your niece not a stranger's child. If she has form for that sort of thing then perhaps you were a little lax in letting it out of your sight.

However, she's not being parented well if they're laughing thing like this off. It's not right to help herself to other people's things and needs to learn that. I'd perhaps tell her parents that they need to get that sorted before she's nicking things from her teacher's handbag or from a friend's parent.

What on earth does that have to do with anything?

What is with your weird intense questioning of the OP? How on earth is this relevant?

OP your sister and DH sound horrible. Laughing at you because you didn't go to a resort? What? Where did you go, out of curiosity?

And they sound like pretty ineffective parents, thinking their daughter destroying property is cute. They sound like the immature ones tbh.

I don't think £38 on a phone case is crazy money. The phones themselves are usually several hundred, why not get something nice to protect it with?

Well she's not a stranger, she is your niece. She is your family. Their child ruined your case, but so did YOUR niece. So suck it up
She is your family. I would never imagine saying to my sister 'Your child did this!' because they are just part of my family and it's hurtful to have your child spoken about like that by people who should behave like family. Tell the niece that what she did was upsetting for you and you don't want her to do it again, then leave it at that. Then remember to keep your stuff away from her.

The language that you use around your family is a bit infantile, like poor me, I'm going to go and eat worms.' do you think you still act like a teenager around them because that's what they expect from you? If so, they will probably just see this as you being immature again. Saying they all laughed at you for booking a holiday seems like a teenager speaking. Who cares what they think of you book a holiday
? And did they honestly react that way? Did they sit inf front of you and laugh?

Lump of coal wrapped up in a receipt for a replacement case.

Taking things that don’t belong to you is stealing. It doesnt matter if its your aunts nice phone case, your school friend’s favourite toy, the sweets in the shop.

Your niece needs to learn she cant take things that don't belong to her and she needs to respect other people’s belongings as I can guarantee nobody outside of her parents will think it cute or girly - she will be called a thief, she will lose friends and no one wants a light fingered child to come on playdates.

Her parents need to set her straight now or they will be in for a rude awakening. They can bully and dismiss you easily but it wont be so easy when it comes from school or other parents.

Your sister sounds jealous , try hand sanitiser on the pen or I have heard hairspray will remove pen . Your niece thought writing her name on your case would make it hers . I wouldn't give it to her. It sets a bad example going forward. Enjoy your young carefree life and don't let them dampen your spirit .

Parenting really is going to shit in this country. So many with the BIL’s “let the little darling keep it, she cannot possibly be blamed” thinking. Gross.

5 is old enough to know you don’t draw on other people’s stuff.

Your DSis is outrageous

Any responsible parent and decent person would have very stern words with their child and immediately offer to replace the item.

Has your DSis been golden child?

I don’t like the way they belittle you

I understand your wish to be a good aunt but take care that you don’t end up feeling undermined.

Actually your DSis sounds horrible.

And how many 25 year olds these days (or ever?) own houses and go on luxury holidays?

She values the wrong things.

Next time she makes one of these comments have some responses ready in your back pocket;

”That sounded very judgmental, is that what you intended?”
”My priority is the people I care about and bring a good auntie. If buying a house is an essential criteria on the job description you might need someone else”
”oh well, I am happy with my life at present and don’t need your opinion”

etc.

Very calm and direct.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

I thought it was going to cost a lot more than £38. There was a thread ages ago where a child broke a tv costing ££££s and the question of who should pay was hotly debated. But in that case part of the problem was just not having that sort of money.

I find it interesting that your sister doesn’t recognise the requirement to parent her own child but sits in judgement of your life choices. Why is it not ok for you to be girlie and enjoy nice things.

I’d be offering to key my name on the dad’s car in the hopes of getting a free car.

I don't have siblings; but I would have thought a replacement from your sis would be the reasonable thing.

In heaven's name why?

Another thing that might work is WD40, but patch test on a non-visible part first, and wash off afterwards.

But I agree with PPs, they should replace, your niece should have got a telling off and immediate consequence on the spot, and told to say sorry. IMO as soon as kids are verbal it’s reasonable to teach them no, you don’t wreck other people’s stuff. It’s not cute, and it’s not a kindness to her to let her grow up thinking everyone will be cool with her taking and destroying other people’s things.