Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

You've got as much credentials right noo as my fanny has tomatoes.

Stay strong. Channel that anger. Who gives a flying fuck if her lack of parenting, her disdain and her spite has helped lead to losing her free childcare. Let her pay a babysitter if she's that keen to get away from her destructive daughter.

Shows how much they value free childcare!

what a shame you have made plans for this weekend. Then make sure you are out, unavailable and blow k them on your phone for a few days,

Don't do it.
Take some space.
They treat you badly and are teaching their daughter to do likewise.

Fxxk that.
You need to push back hard.
They are users and she has so little basic manners she thinks she can use you and disrespect you simultaneously.

No one needs family like that.

Tell them your free weekend is as valuable to you as the phone case they let be destroyed. Do something nice for yourself, even if it's just a nice long bath and watching some rubbish films! You don't owe them free childcare with a vandal.

I never said that. I said we all take personal accountability of items precious to us.
I notice you have no response to my query if DN was injured by something sharp on the phone case would op responsible then?
It sounds like op and her sister do not like each other.

Oh so she suddenly cares now its going to affect her social life. Selfish disrespectful cow

She's angry? At you? What a cheek!

OMG, this is probably the first time she has had to deal with the consequences of her own actions. She has absolutely no right to be angry. I notice that she still hasn't apologised, even though she is obviously desparate for a baby sitter.

Don't back down.

Oh so she’ll suddenly buy a replacement so she doesn’t lose her babysitter!

Tell her where to go,OP.

Well. It worked didn't it... A grudging angry (how dare you question my commands) offer to replace it in return for free babysitting.
The way you've described them I would bet they'd turn up for the free babysitting and you'd still never see your phone case replacement... and if you did they would constantly take the piss out of it.

What are you doing babysitting for them.
Find something else to do this weekend, anything else you are 25....
don't spend your weekends looking after other people's children! (unless they pay the going rate!)
Don't be at the beck and call of people who treat you like crap.

I had relatives who behaved in the same fashion towards me. How I wish I could go back in time and give myself this advice!

And i notice YOU have no response to me asking if OP should shove her sofa in the airing cupboard in case niece decides to take felt tips to it

We teach people how to treat us.

Somehow she has gotten into her head that she, her husband and child, can treat you like shit.

Only you can change how you respond to people who treat you badly.

She's pig ignorant and if you want to have a better life, you only have space in your life who treat you with courtesy and respect.

Anything else will grind you down.

Absolutely no way would I be babysitting for them, @losingweightandgainingconfidence! They are textbook cheeky fuckers.

Yes exactly! I’ve only had one date (dd is two) because we have no childcare, outside what we have to work and our medical appointments. Your sister and your BIL are absolute arseholes.

Even if you weren’t doing childcare, if your child breaks people’s or shops property you have to replace it! Period.

I’d stop the childcare at least temporarily so they can actually see your worth and value.

the message you sent was perfect, stand by your words, even if your sister goes complaining to your mum.

Agree with this OP.

Don't give in. If you do and babysit they'll just know that they can keep treating you as a doormat. (They = sister and BIL)

Agreed!

Yep if SEN then she should be supervised if not then nope a 5 year old doesn't need an adult present 100% of the time. Doesn't excuse it at all if she has SEN.

She's 5 not a baby. 5 year olds should be able to play in another room without doing something she knows is naughty. 5 year olds held down jobs 100 years ago and now they can't play with some Lego while in the next room and we wonder why we have an issue with learned helplessness.

Agree, stick to your guns and don’t cave. They have no respect for your things, your time or you. Make her replace the case and pay for your childcare services in future. How dare SHE be angry

And phone case handed over before any free childcare is provided! Even then, I would offer none for rest of 2024…. And definitely no regular slots from now on. An angry text to get what they want is not the right answer….

No, it sounds like OP's sister has always been awful to OP while OP has been doing them favours such as providing free childcare.

Her parents are awful. I’d never dream of telling someone to give my child the item they destroyed. Classless behaviour.

YANBU, at all. Doesn’t matter what it is, it’s your property and it’s 100% of them to fix it. Don’t blame the child, her parents are shockingly bad.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence - well done on that message.
Don't be surprised if she goes crying to your mother about it but just stand firm on the facts:

• your niece significantly damaged something of yours
• your sister and brother-in-law did nothing to stop her wandering all over your house, no supervision
• Your sister and BiL laughed when you raised it with them and didn't offer to replace it
• They hadn't offered to do anything until you had had enough!
• You're not interested in your mother trying to defend your sister, your BiL or your niece.
• There is a quick fix here and if she does run to your mother to complain instead of fixing it and being the adult that she is!

I'm frantically texting everyone I know to try and meet up this weekend. If not, I might book myself a pre-Christmas party spa break, if it means I'm out of the house

You don’t need plans. And not that you need it, as a simple no is enough, but you already have a great excuse.

Not sure why she asks you to babysit when she’s so judgemental about your life.

Well done for sending the text!