Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

You shouldn't need to book anything. A simple message back saying "Unfortunately as you weren't interested in replacing the phone case when you had oodles of time to do so, but instead laughed at what your daughter did to it and said [insert what she said about girly behaviour here], and you're only concerned/angry/emotional when I've pulled the plug on babysitting, I've decided that I'm not available this weekend to look after the Tazmanian Devil. I will see you all over Christmas in Mum's house."

Also to add to my previous comments @losingweightandgainingconfidence your sister has a brass neck for commenting on you spending money on yourself (either not spending enough on a holiday but apparently also too much on phonecase), but using you as an unpaid regular childminder. I’d keep my mouth shut if I was her considering you could charge for the service you are providing.

If your mother comes to you on your sister’s side, I’d explain they have been extremely disrespectful, you have done a lot for them with them doing nothing for you, and to salvage the relationship you need to take a step back or you will become (more) angry and resentful.

If you decide you want to babysit, tell the cheekyfuckers that your childminding fee is £40.00 - paid up front. No money, no entry to your home.

PS. I had to google the phone case and I rather like it, especially in the berry colour.

I second what @LookItsMeAgain says about her going crying to your mother. Let you mother babysit if she's that bothered. I think you may have gotten into a situation where your mother has impressed on you that everyone must help out Sis. But Sis has forfeited this by behaving like a CF.

Your life matters just as much as hers. You are not there to be her servant. Helping out a family member is one thing, but this is a course correction to teach your Sis that lack of respect and ingratitude have consequences.

Spa break sounds ideal to lower your blood pressure after all this nonsense. Good on ya!

Even if your plans are to binge watch a TV series or read War & Peace without being disturbed, a No is a no. Perhaps sister needs to learn about consent?? 😉😉

Don't even engage with her until she's actually bought the replacement.

Then consider what you're willing to do depending on how grovelling her apology is.

She doesn't get to be angry. Angry is the wrong emotion. If she's angry rather than ashamed it's because she hasn't taken responsibility for her behaviour.

I think me having plans would annoy her a lot more though and I feel kind of petty now 🤣

Also, a massage and facial before the works do feels like it's needed 😂

Actually, ignore my post Op, this sounds like a much better plan.

Agreed.
The anger is because by saying you are no longer going to look after your niece, you have mucked up her Pre-Christmas plans and it is that that she is angry at. Let her find another sucker to babysit!!!

A plan to stay home and do nothing is still a plan...

You are about to be bombarded and guilt tripped by Sis and DM.. stand your ground (or lie down if you are having a facial obvs)

Instead of the Barbie or the drum kit, wrap up the ruined case for your neice. If that's a substandard present... well, now they know how you feel.

I doubt the Barbie cost £38 but you should get some money back towards and have tackled the "principle" of them being little shits about this.

If you babysit for the weekend (how many hours?) I doubt that you'll get a replacement.

If they are as difficult to get atm as posters have said, where would she get one from anyway?

Too little too late springs to mind.

Well, I might do it for a grand cash upfront.

Oh I hate people like this!!! They absolutely should replace it, it wasn't an old battered case it was a new treat to yourself.

A family member of mine has done similar... brought her dog ( I don't like animals but try to be nice ) to mine and he chewed my straighter wires and my son's figure. I was clearly unhappy and she loudly joked that ' oh he bloody loves wires he does and oooh I guess Batman was tasty haha ' no remorse or offer to replace..

I have two kids and would immediately go online and replace.

It have a five year old though and he would NEVER do that. It's really poor.

With any luck at this time of year there won't be any body willing to give up their free time for an unpaid babysitting job on a weekend before Christmas. If she's determined to escape her daughter she'll have to pay a damn sight more for a agency babysitter than replacing the phone case would have cost her.

You’re not being petty, you’re standing up for yourself. Good for you and enjoy

I think they're jealous of you and your lifestyle and that's why they're nasty. It's up to you west you wear and spend your money on. They've made choices, you've made different choices. What would she say if you said 'but what's it got to do with you?' about her comments.

I’m not sure I like the vaginal look of the cases.

Well done for standing up for yourself OP.

I've got children and grandchildren and would replace immediately out of sheer embarassment. The fact they laughed about it is appalling.

Christ the people missing the point and judging the case 🙄 If someone punched you in the face would you say Oh well I was ugly anyway 🙄🙄
Well done OP I don’t think they’ve been appreciating you.

Oh wow! I thought your message was pretty full on but it was clearly needed!

Definitely don't babysit this time but if you care about having a relationship with your niece perhaps consider doing so in the future.

Please don't take any judgement from DSis and DBil, they should know better than that if they're older. People make different choices and that's ok!

She's 5 not a baby. 5 year olds should be able to play in another room without doing something she knows is naughty. 5 year olds held down jobs 100 years ago and now they can't play with some Lego while in the next room and we wonder why we have an issue with learned helplessness.

@schmeler Oh I do agree with your sentiments here but I think your historical accuracy might be a trifle out. My Dad was born in 1920, so 100 years ago he would have been rising five. However I am quite sure he didn't start full time work until he was 14. I suppose he might have had a holiday job before then picking potatoes, or whatever it was they did in those days, but at five? Not sure TBH

Comments like this make me wonder if I’m going fucking mad. Is the world actually full of mental people who think like this, or are they winding us all up?

Not the first person to point it out but I'm committed to the aesthetic now 🤣 now when the new one arrives I'll think of Mumsnet and the fanny case 🤣