Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

As you can get these for £10 on ebay I think maybe you are getting a bit het up over something fairly minor, though I agree that it should be paid for by her parents.

I am sure OP would like the real version and not the fake.

The exact cost of the item is not the point anyway. Not at all.

I would replace something my child destroyed.

Spot on!

If they aren't going to replace it if you can return her Christmas present and buy a replacement. She needs to learn actions have consequences.

Blows my mind that this thread isn't unanimously in favour of the OP. It's obvious, while the kid is your dependent then it's an extension of you. If it fucks stuff up then you're responsible (like with a company, how ultimately the buck stops with the CEO).
So fucking selfish. It's the modern disease. If it happens again give the kid a backhander - it will be worth it for the look on the parents' faces (don't really do this).

‘Society’ is not responsible for parenting unruly kids for lazy shit parents.

Doesn't matter how much it costs. Your dn is 5 she should've learnt/been taught to respect other people's property.
They defo owe you the cost and dn should absolutely definitely not be given it.

At 5 kids should absolutely know not to ruin other people's stuff, what are some of you smoking?
And OP should be able to leave her own possessions in her own home without worrying about her DN destroying things. This is absolutely the parents' responsibility, if they know she makes a mess of her mum's makeup and can't be trusted then one of them should be keeping an eye on her.

My daughter was 1 year old and dragged a friend's record all over the floor after I took my eye off her for 2 minutes. Guess what, I didn't berate my friend for buying an expensive record or leaving it within reach of my toddler, I apologised and replaced it LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.

OP's sister sounds conceited and self-absorbed, and this seems to be not just about the phone case, but part of a general pattern of disrespect towards OP.

'Personal accountability' and 'responsibility' include teaching your child that you don't deface other people's possessions. Or it should include that, anyway. Being 5 isn't carte blanche to ruin other people's stuff, personally I think it's you that needs to get a grip!

My 4 year old would 100% know not to draw on someone else's things.

I’d cut down on providing free childcare for a while.

😮talk about adding insult to injury! I can't stand this kind of thing, where adults' feelings are trampled on so that someone's little princess or princeling can get their way. Wouldn't surprise me if DSis and BiL made that remark about it being a waste of money in front of her, too.

It's not unreasonable or cruel to tell a 5 yr old - who sounds as if she knows perfectly well what she's doing - that deliberately messing up someone else's treasured possession, on the understanding that it will then become hers, is the opposite of "cute".

No doubt that would have her wailing to the heavens, which is why the parents don't do it. Spineless of them and very unfortunate for the little girl's future happiness.

I wouldn't try to clean off the marks and scratches. It was a special thing to you and now it's going to look bashed up even if you do manage to get some of the marks off. I think I'd buy myself a new one for Christmas, and chalk it up as a lesson learned - anything nice gets locked away when DN comes to visit!

oh so aunts and uncles get a say on whether they become aunts or uncles do they? Well we must do if our nieces and nephews are our respomsibility right?

Bet you are part of the "it takes a village brigade" As in the one who thinks the village just means free childcare

I think people get bored of an obvious answer do they go for a contentious “ devil’s advocate” style answer.

I hadn't a clue what this was so I looked it up on amazon. My first thought was that looks hideous with the lip balm contained in it & just why?🤔but each to their own taste. I agree it should be replaced though if it is genuinely ruined.

It sounds like it wasn't an accident, though. OP's niece intentionally drew all over it with, from her subsequent posts, several different types of pen/marker. I have two 5 year old nieces and they are absolutely old enough to know better. OP's sister should reimburse her and remind her daughter not to deface other people's property.

Absolutely not your fault Op! If one of my children did this (at 5) I would have been absolutely mortified!

I definitely would have paid you back for it if I was your sister and BIL.

I agree with those saying deduct it from the cost of presents from them.

They did a marketing campaign with an influencer I love and I was finally influenced after having my eye on them for ages 😅😂

Why is everyone bashing the phone case? It’s not really the point. In fact the point was that it has been overly coveted in op’s family.

If I had a 5 year old visiting my house, I wouldn't expect to need to move my phone out of reach. A 2 year old yes maybe. But not a 5 year old.

I agree, It's unacceptable that the parents are not taking responsibility for this and I'd be telling my 5 year old son he needs to pay to replace it (not the full amount which I'd cover but I'd certainly take some money from his from his money box so he sees the value of money of doing something he knows he shouldn't do).

At least you can laugh OP 😂
Well done on your weight loss.

True, but you do sometimes get fairly unanimous responses. For example, there was a recent thread in which someone described how they were cutting off their poorer relatives who took advantage of them at Christmas, and posters were tripping over themselves to congratulate her and condemn the relatives. Mumsnet has some definite triggers, I just don't completely understand the underlying attitudes that give rise to them.

I'd definitely return all presents & just by niece a token if anything.

If sis & BIL buy anything I'd b tempted to sell.

I'd also tell them why if asked-that the money was used to replace what their daughter ruined.

They should replace it, buy failing that try isopropyl alcohol.