Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Ooooh yes! I’m liking this angle! It would be worth buying a sparkly candy floss pink lip glitter gloss just for putting in it when you see DN! You can keep taking it out and slathering it on yourself so she can drawl over the 5 year old sparkly 💖 nirvana . Look but don’t touch!!!

I have a 5 year old and she is well aware of what she should and shouldn't draw on and if the concept of other people’s belongings.

My 5 year old is “girly” and wants my stuff. A few months ago she took a whole pot of my expensive face cream and used it all on her face (she reeked). I didn’t laugh it off, I talked to her seriously about asking before touching other people’s things and how it would cost me money to replace that cream. She has never done anything like that again. 5 year olds are impulsive so it’s the job of the parent to educate and supervise them. If it had been someone else’s cream I would have paid for a replacement, and I certainly wouldn’t have started making comments about why they couldn’t have chosen a cheaper one.

You are entirely in the right, OP. Don’t let your sister persuade you that you aren’t. She should be feeling mortified that her daughter wasn’t supervised properly or taught not to destroy other people’s possessions. She is 5, not 2.

That’s what I thought. A lot of fuss about a very ugly object

OP, your sister and her DH sound really unpleasant

I agree.
It's an ugly object.
It's also overpriced and pointless IMO.

But that doesn't matter.

What matters is her possession which was of value to her was damaged.
And those responsible (the parents) are remorseless

@derxa it's not ugly to me, I like it

If my DS did this I would immediately offer to pay for a replacement. I think it says a lot about them by the fact that they won’t.

I also don’t think it matters how much it was and you certainly don’t need to justify it to them or us!

Rubbish, it's a parents job to supervise their children, and pay up when they destroy someone's personal property. Imagine thinking you get to take your kids to someone else's house, not watch them at all and then blame your host when your naughty child destroys their property, because they should have 'put everything away'! Utter cheek of it.

Yes you have summed it up nicely. Child needs to know this is wrong, parents need to parent.

Well DN is with you on that op!

I have a 4.5 year old who is into “girly” stuff, she wouldn’t do this and if she did I’d be mortified!

I wouldn’t blame the child (or you for leaving it out, are you supposed to hide every single possession in your house?!) but your sister and husband sound like awful people.

Have you looked on Vinted ? There’s quite a few on there brand new

"I'd gift her some pens and paper "this is what we draw on" for Christmas, and return any gifts for your sister/bil "I had to use the funds to replace the thing your dd damaged"

Brilliant! 😂

If my Dd did it then I'd be mortified and would replace it.

It doesn't matter if you 'left it out' - it's your home and you should not have to supervise a 5 year old to make sure that she doesn't deface any of your things!

This is not normal or acceptable or girlie behaviour. She is being destructive and spoilt and her parents should be disciplining her to make sure she knows that it is not OK to do this; especially with other people's possessions.

Wonder if Mummy and Daddy would find it so cute if your darling niece scribbled all over something of theirs? My money's on "no".

Appallingly slack parenting is turning dn into a hideous brat and, boy, are they going to have it tough in future years. As many many posters have pointed out - this is absolutely not your fault and 5 year olds should know better. Your sister should be ashamed of her attitude.

I would return all presents for that family - dn, sister and BIL - and replace your phone cover with the money. And they could get to fuck with the free babysitting from now on. Why would you be of any help to people who are so disparaging of you?

Their behaviour is abhorrent.

When my DD was 15 months we went to see a relative who took DD by the hand and walked her around the house including her bedroom where, it transpired DD got into her moisturizer and ruined it. I only heard from older DSD as relative didn't mention.

Cue a big row broke out with me (mother and ultimately responsible) demanding to know what moisturizer so I could replace it and her (relative who had taken DD for a walk) arguing back that it was practically empty and she wouldn't hear of it.

Yet I was still mortified and wanted to replace it.

They are disgraceful parents and the PPs telling you how to clean the cover, berating you for leaving it out or criticising the design or discussing whether this is in the child's best interest are so off the mark it's laughable.

Obviously it is not in her interests. They are going to raise a self entitled obnoxious adult just like them. My child could follow instructions to stay away from things before she could speak. They just can't be bothered doing their job. And they should be tripping over themselves to compensate you. I can't actually believe the neck of them saying to just give it to her now. What a pair of wankers.

Who lets their child go off and play unsupervised in someone else's home?

Appalling attitude from your sister! They need to parent their daughter better. You should be able to leave your property where you want in your own home.
And people wonder why some children become so entitled

My child would often go into the back room at my mum's and get the colours and stuff out at that age. I'd only need to check on her from time to time to see she was happy. She never ruined anything. There's a lot in there more valuable than a phone case.

Your sister and brother in law sound like snobby idiots. They should replace the phone cover. I would return £38 worth of gifts you've bought them and buy yourself a new phone cover.

Well I wouldn't be doing any free childcare for them anymore. I wouldn't also be extremely pissed off if anyone passed comment about what I choose to spend my money on.

Your Dsis and BIL sound toxic.

👍. That’s fine OP. It is infuriating. Why can’t they just replace the case and so close to Christmas as well

No, it makes it sound like something that a 5 year old could ruin, which she did.