Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

OP, can I ask, are you normally assertive? Or do you struggle with confrontation and let your sister/others walk all over you?

Have I missed a comment re your parents? Apologies if so. Do they say anything when your sister puts you down?

Anyway, I don’t agree with most of the suggestions here, satisfying though gifting some permanent sharpies would be. You have bought the Barbie, just give it in good faith to your niece. I would give just a token gift to your sister though.

However I would cool things off with them. Assert yourself and see less of them. Have a calm, clear rejoinder to their critical comments and talk about something else. They are not behaving like decent people. I think distancing yourself is the answer as they will never admit they are in the wrong.

Please don’t be a doormat.

And fwiw when my kids are 25, I hope they are free and doing exciting things. Not married with a mortgage!

Ooooh I LOVE point 2.! OP, that is great advice.

Yanbu
Your sister is being awful and is in the wrong

I vote you Return the barbie and give your niece this Animatronic Hei Hei chicken toy to punish your sister

Agree with others you claw back the £38 through cheaper shitter gifts.

And YES!!! to @TravelInsuranceQ point 2

Bastards...

Sorry but your sister isn’t nice at all. I’m a big sister who settled down young, that doesn’t make me any more mature than my sister’s who haven’t. What an odd thing to think!.
Your niece is old enough to not draw on things that aren’t hers, her parents should be teaching her that. They might think it’s cute now but it just won’t be in a few years. They should pay you back, if they don’t I think you really need to assess your relationship with your sister because it doesn’t sound like she respects you at all.

Reading back through more of the previous pages, and I'm finding the attitude toward the phone case amusing, particularly the suggestions that she should have known better than to leave something so valuable out when her niece was coming over. It's a phone case, not some priceless collectible. Obviously if OP had bought a jewel-encrusted Fabergé egg she'd be foolish to leave it where a 5-year-old might reach it, but it's a phone case! The whole flat is probably full of relatively expensive tech, furnishings, and other belongings. I don't see how anyone can blame OP for charging her phone in her own home.

Shaving cream.

Your family are out of order. Children need to learn to respect others possessions.
(Not that she should get it but....) Give the damaged case to your niece and return any presents you've bought for her/her parents. Use that money to buy your replacement case. Be very open with your extended family as to why you've done it.

Wow your niece isn’t being parented well at all. I think it would be reasonable of you to either not do childcare again or next time niece is in your house to get down to her level and explain that she must not colour on anything other than paper. Also get some colouring pencils and take away all the pens to limit the damage.

Of course they should replace it. They should take responsibility - or what kind of lesson is that to their daughter?

The child is 5. Even at their worst behaved, all of mine would completely understand that this was something you do not do.

The OP is not to blame here at all.

Return the Barbie and use the cash to get a new phone case.

I've got a really fucking annoying fisher price mini piano toy I was going to sell or give to charity now DC are down with it. You can have it for her instead!

Buy a slime set for Xmas.

It will get in the carpets and sofas etc!! (Trust me I know from my own stupid fault!)

Joking aside- get something noisy as other posters have suggested.

But yes- they should replace it but it looks like they won't. Sorry OP.

I would not give her it for Christmas , that just teaches her that it's ok to destroy OP's stuff because she eventually get it in the end . Nope . I would not have them in the house again due to their disrespect of your property and the absolute rudeness of them both . Good luck with their DD when she's older and she's doing that at school

these are fake

I would return the Barbie, give niece the ruined case for Christmas, buy yourself a new case and let your sister know that that is what you have done. Niece will be happy (probably) with the case but your sister will understand that not parenting her dc wont fly in your house and hopefully will step up in the future

If she were my child, I'd be mortified and would offer to replace it. They should have been keeping a close eye on her while she had pens. She could have written on walls, furniture etc. which would have been even more damaging. They should be relieved that she didn't do that.

So yes, they should replace it. But it's also a warning that you don't leave anything valuable lying around when she's there.

They should have apologised and offered to replace.

But as they haven't you now need to decide if £38 is worth your relationship with them. Personally I'd let it go, if you have spent a lot on a Christmas present(s) return it and give them something token instead to recoup the costs.

I'd also take control of future visits. Tell them and her directly she needs to stay within direct eyesight as she can't be trusted not to vandalise your property, and she is not allowed to touch anything in your home without asking first. Correct her every time she does.

Scribbling on things other than paper is common in toddlers, not in a 5 year old who will be in either her first or second year at school so OP does not need to 'get a grip'.

If parents take their kids round to other people's houses, the responsibility for those kids doesn't suddently switch from the parents to the occupant of the house unless the parents aren't there.

And this

I can’t believe some people are defending the niece and her parents here. I have a 5 year old and I’d be bloody horrified if she did that to someone else’s property and would replace immediately while apologising profusely. At 5 they know that is wrong and the parents are shit parents for making light of it.

Also stop putting yourself down with the ‘a stupid amount to spend’ nonsense. It is your money- spend it on whatever you like. Your niece shouldn’t have been playing with your phone. You don’t have to justify buying something nice you like at all.

Your sis owes you £38. She can afford it and should have offered at once... even if she does not think the case worth the money.

It was important and worth the money to you - so it is important and worth the money.

Since they have refused.
-You could let it go and just treat yourself again.

-You could subtract the money (mentally at least) from future gifts/days out/meals for your sis or B-in-L.

If feeling really mischievious, you could take their permissive attitude to heart:

You too could nurture and encourage this budding artist. 😈😈😈All future presents for your neice should be unpacked at their house and all should be along the lines of oil-paints/varnishes/glitter in very very bright pretty colours. (You could even quietly point out which of your sis's /B-in-L's shoes, handbags, cars could do with a bit of pimping up.)😈😈😈

I second this suggestion

Of course they should replace it.
And she’s shouldn’t have the one she damaged, that’s rewarding her bad behaviour.
I really like my friend’s new car and it’s parked outside her house. Strangely, I’m not going to vandalise it!!!

What flipping dog? You are just inventing scenarios to blame OP now.

I don't think that this goes any deeper than OP's sister and husband being overly indulgent and irresponsible parents who look down on OP and treat her like shit.

Look up Nancy Birtwhistle on Instagram. She is the queen of removing tough to impossible stains