Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

How much have you spent on her Christmas present? I only ask because I would never spend £40 on my niece and nephew at the age of 5 so I would be reluctant to give it her for Xmas. But if you’ve spent similar I would do what PP have suggested and give her it for Christmas. Take back what you’ve got her and use that to buy a new phone case. If your sister says anything just shrug and say well you wouldn’t replace it so I had to somehow.

FWIW your sister sounds like a right cow. I wouldn’t have her in your house if she’s incapable of supervising her child and I would think carefully about your relationship with her if that’s how she treats you.

Thats a great idea

I think you should use this incident to reevaluate your relationship with your sister. She doesn’t respect you.

This would be excusable in a toddler but a five-year-old should definitely know better - what would happen at school if she did this to another pupil’s belongings? Take back her or her parents’ presents for a refund and give them something cheap. Buy yourself another case with the money.
And start answering back when your sister puts you down.

Lack of respect for personal property infuriates me.

First, the five-year-old (assuming no special circumstances) is old enough to know better, and her parents are doing a terrible job with her if they laugh this off and say she's 'made it her own' by ruining it. Now you know she must be treated like a toddler or a spoilt brat, but it wasn't unreasonable to expect her to not draw on something like a phone case. 🙄 Ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

Second, it's none of their business how you spend your own money. (How dare they make that an issue?)

Third, they should be so ashamed of their terrible parenting skills that they're falling over themselves to make it right by paying for a new one, since this one has been scratched. You might be able to shift ink, possibly, but scratches are there forever.

I would get my money back from them one way or the other, simply on principle. If they refuse to pay you for the item their child damaged, I'd be taking it out of any future gifts for them (and her, to be quite honest) until I'd recouped the cost of the phone case.

Fuck off is it OPs fault! It’s the parents’ fault!

Sorry, I misread the OP. I thought you were at their home.

If at your home absolutely they should have supervised their child properly and should replace!

I would get my money back from them one way or the other, simply on principle. If they refuse to pay you for the item their child damaged, I'd be taking it out of any future gifts for them (and her, to be quite honest) until I'd recouped the cost of the phone case.

I would do this. And reevaluate the relationship with your sister. It's a new year soon.

YANBU and I'd suggest watching A Woman's Right to Shoes, the Sex and the City episode in which Carrie is asked to take her shoes off at her friend's kid's party and they get stolen. The friend shames her when she asks her to replace them, suggesting that as a mother she has a real adult life and Carrie is an immature child who likes to buy superfluous expensive things for herself, and mothers aren't responsible for childless people's expensive lifestyle choices.

Don't allow these people to make you feel like you're inferior to them because you've made different life choices. They appear to be raising a child without any concern for proper values, so they're hardly to be envied or awed. They should replace the phone case without question but as they won't, I'd suggest downgrading their Christmas gifts and replacing it yourself.

Don't give it to your niece as she'll just draw on whichever else of your possessions she fancies next.

My days of having young visiting children are, thankfully, over, until my nieces and nephews start having children of their own (will be at least another 10 years thankfully!)

Plenty of times I've left them colouring in another room while I get on with cooking dinner, or chatting with their parents, etc. Never has anything of mine been defaced or destroyed. But then again, the same kids never destroyed or damaged anything like that in their own home either because they knew they shouldn't.

It's not unreasonable for OP to not anticipate the damage her niece could do. She's not unreasonable to assume that if it was a possibility that the child's parents should be keeping an eye on her.

They should absolutely replace it!
I'd be even more annoyed that they thought she was cute and you should give it to her!!
I would have been mortified, apologised profusely and ordered you another one.
You should be able to put things down in your own home
If one of my 5 year olds( at the time) had done this I would have made them say sorry too
I would return the girls present if they still refuse to pay

I think parents who raise their kids badly like this are being cruel to their own children.

These kids who don’t have boundaries or admonishments, become the kids that don’t get invited to parties. My kids are older now, but I saw it happen with a few of their peers. Moreso with the children who had parents who did nothing and smiled beatifically as their kids ran riot. Eventually it is the children who don’t want other kids damaging property and spoiling parties.

These indulgent parents are contributing to their kids’ potential exclusion one day and it really is far from ‘kind’ to them.

If the neglectful parents support their sprogs vandalism and refuse to replace it I would invite them round and let the child watch you snap it into a million pieces, hopefully she'll cry a lot.

You don't have to justify spending £38 on a case either It's your money
I bought a genuine Apple one for my DS for Christmas and it cost a lot more than that

I’m sorry op but that really gives me the ick! Something about the folds. It looks like a vagina!

Without the lipbalm! Use the money saved to replace it.

I don’t understand the point of telling OP that the parents should replace the case and that she should ask them to. She’s already done this and they’ve refused. Why would she ask again?
Of course the niece should know better or be taught better. Of course the parents should replace the item. But they won’t, and OP can’t force them to. It also sounds like she doesn’t want to create a huge scene at Christmas. There are very few suggestions of things she can actually do within these constraints.
(If OP doesn’t mind a scene, gift the sister and her husband the ruined case only. If OP wants plausible deniability, buy the cheapest toiletry set you can for the sister and use the leftover cash to replace the case.)

Honestly I think I'd be returning any Christmas presents I had bought for her and using the money to buy a new one. You can wrap up the defaced one and give to niece as her Christmas present!

If I had someone visiting with a 5 year old that was off playing/colouring, I too would assume that I didn't need to supervise them to ensure that they weren't defacing my property!
Good luck with that.. you'll find out the hard way too :)

At 5 I wouldn't have dreamed of doing something like this. As a child I was taught that you don't touch what doesn't belong to you, and I didn't. All these assumptions that you 'can't' stop small children doing this or that, you can. It's just lazy parenting to claim otherwise.

As PP suggested, return her Xmas gift, use the money to replace your case and gift her some cheap paper and pens with a pointed 'this is what we draw on' comment. I'm amazed that her parents thought it ok to leave a 5 year old unattended for long enough to do that amount of damage and wonder if their attitude would have been the same if it had been your walls / carpet / something else you couldn't put out of reach.

Yes, the poor niece is the loser here. As an aunt, OP could complement good parenting, but she’ll never be able to compensate for this poor parenting, sadly.

I'm not going to be able to unsee that now. 😂

Nothing sounds better or maybe the damaged case.

😐

Good time to admit I have the dark brown lip tint and can't use it because I just see a poo?🤣🤣🤣🤣

1. Throw out the ruined one and tell them you've chucked it away as it's ruined.
2. Buy yourself a new phone case, wrap it up and take it with you on Christmas Day then open it in front of them all... Then put it away so she can't get it (I appreciate she was at your house when she ruined it....)
3. Return whatever present you got her or her parents (as it's their fault really) and then get something that costs £38 less so that you're not out of pocket