Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Wrap it up for her for Christmas, and spend the money saved on her present on a new phone case

Kids need to learn that no matter what they do at home, they can't just help themselves to things in other people's houses and her parents should be teaching her. I'd have been so embarassed if my dc had done such a thing and my offer to replace would have been immediate.

An old work colleague would just turn up with her child from time to time, as her kid and mine were at the same school although hers was older. She was someone who'd fiddle with things while Mum looked on indulgently making totally ineffectual "oh that's not very nice" comments. One day I had to intervene with the "we don't do that in this house". Child looked shocked, don't think she'd ever been told no in her life (she was about 8!). Don't think Mum was too happy either as they never dropped in again - which was no great loss!!

Snaps for you. Where was it from?

Some of these responses are bizarre. @losingweightandgainingconfidence left her phone sat in her own home where her niece knowingly vandalised it to claim it as her own. I would be mortified if my child did this, the ruined case would be binned and a replacement purchased for my sister.

A five year old would know that drawing all over someone’s phone case would be a naughty thing to do.

Ok, so. Here it is

1. Chuck the case and buy yourself a new one. It’s not worth the aggro, even though they should pay for it. Be the bigger person and let it go.

1. You need to reflect on why your sister puts you down and why you let it bother you. The phone case was 100 per cent not an “unreasonable” purchase. Adults are allowed to buy nice stuff they can afford! You deserved it. You could buy a far more expensive one if you wanted!

1. You are NOT responsible for what your niece did. She is FIVE. If one of my kids did this at five I would have their guts for garters! It’s terrible, terrible behaviour and you should not have to manage for that by “supervising” or “hiding” your case.

1. They are shit parents. They handled this really badly. You are not the immature one here….

1. Merry Christmas.

I know right? Because what if a bear came through the window and had a nibble on the phone case and got hairs in her lip gloss. Would OP want to charge Mother Nature?

Or or... what if aliens invaded and zapped OPs phone case with their zapper, would she want to charge the alien overlords?

@losingweightandgainingconfidence do not give your sis and bil a Christmas gift but instead wrap up a new phone case to you from you and open it in front of them making a big fuss about how lovely it is and how thoughtful you are 😂

I'd put a stop to her wandering off if they are to visit again.

If they kick off simply state that due to the issues that DNiece caused by damaging your property before, you want her where you can see her and she sits quietly beside her parents while they visit with you.

I'm 50/50

You're sister and husband's attitude is totally unreasonable, they should be mortified and offering to replace, BUT I wouldn't leave something expensive or breakable laying around in a home with small children or pets I would feel it was my responsibility to keep my own things safe. They shouldn't be expected to hover parent their child in their own child safe home.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence

It does not matter how much the case cost, you are entitled to spend your money on yourself. Your money. You earnt it, you spend it and stop justifying your purchases to your family ITS YOUR MONEY.

Major parenting fail on your sister and brother in laws part. They should be bringing toys to keep their daughter amused. Perhaps give her the Barbie but say it has to stay at your house and to be played with there. Crayola do washable wax crayons - she can only have these. Her punishment going forward is to have to play in the same room as her parents and you as she can't be trusted and she needs to learn to deal with boredom.

Perhaps it will become a new "thing" for people to personalise their phone cases, unfortunately your DN has put her name all over yours. Any chance you can change her name to some other word (apart from brat).

PS Well done by the way on the weight loss, any tips?

God I would be MORTIFIED if my 5-year-old did this. And incredibly surprised too as 5 is definitely old enough to know not to draw on other people's things and DD1 wouldn't ever draw on someone else's phone case! I would be furious and would definitely replace the item.

They weren't in their home. They were in OP's home.

My 3.5 year old (also currently in a 'girlie girl' phase) knows better than to pick up someone else's property - let alone draw on it! If she did something like this, I'd be so cross at her, would never dream of rewarding her by giving her the case, and would definitely replace it for my sister (or anyone visiting my house). It doesn't matter what it is or how much you spent on it. It's yours and at 5, she should know better (if her parents had reasonable expectations and boundaries...). I'd personally let it go, but not leave anything out ever again. Your niece's parents will regret spoiling her so badly when she's a completely unreasonable teen... Hopefully the older she gets, you can have nice times with her separate from her parents.

Already answered it multiple times. People learn skills from other people. I am sure your five year old doesn't know how to use chopsticks whereas a 5-year-old in Japan does because that's how they were brought up.
If parents don't teach children right from wrong, then children won't know. The parents laughed the incident off which should tell you everything you need to know about the likely level of understanding from the child.

No one said anything about child proofing, but OP says it's normal for the 5 year old to go off in another room and colour/play.. the parents don't know what is in OPs house, as they don't live there, the owner of the house has a responsibility if you are going to let kids go around unsupervised to not leave things lying around that they can get hold off, hurt themselves with, damage etc.. it's just common sense really, even if you don't have kids, no 5 year old are perfectly behaved and this one sounds like a terror!

By saying OP should take responsibility for entertaining guests, and watching what she leaves out for unsupervised kids to get hold of, I'm not in any way absolving the parents of responsibility and I've said that in every post, it's not an either or situation, I'm not saying OP is at fault, she isn't, the parents are ultimately responsibly and should replace, but if they didn't know she had access to pens and/or OPs phone, OP should have been on top of that situation more as she had information that they didn't.

If I had someone visiting with a 5 year old that was off playing/colouring, I too would assume that I didn't need to supervise them to ensure that they weren't defacing my property!

Good luck with that.. you'll find out the hard way too :)

You don’t need to justify how much you spent on your phone case. If it was £1 or £1000 it doesn’t matter, they are being CF.

This was bad behaviour.
They should replace but if they do not these cases are about £10 on ebay
Rhode Lip-tint Silicon Phone Cases W/ Lipgloss -iPhone 11 12 13 14 15 Pro Max~uk | eBay

Exactly this...I love it!

@Lindtnotlint ’have their guts for garters’

I laughed at that. Have not heard that since my lovely mum died. 😄

What a cheek they have! Does their daughter have the right to deface any object that her parents consider overpriced or self-indulgent?
Your OP says that this is a 'petty' matter, but it isn't, isn't it? I don't think this is an occasion for swallowing your irritation and carrying on as usual. (It might have been if you'd received profuse apologies from all of them, even without an offer of a replacement.)
I think it would be perfectly appropriate to give your niece the case as her Christmas present; just that, nothing else. Explain that it was expensive so you couldn't afford anything else for her this year. And just give a token box of sweets or biscuits to her parents.
Then buy yourself another case with the money saved. There are some nice ones on ebay at a lower price.

Absolutely take her present back (or buy her a very annoying one like a karaoke machine/microphone) and take back your DS/DBILs or get them something much smaller and say you’re replacing your phone. If my child did this I would replace it. It’s unacceptable and they’re behaving like dicks.

A 5-year-old should know not to do this stuff. Parents shouldn't have just let it go - she should've been told very clearly that she had spoilt Aunties new phone case, how would she like it if you coloured in her doll (or whatever is a favourite toy), etc. It sounds likecDN just hadnt thought of your point of view, rather behan was malicious.
And yes, they should've paid for a new one and absolutely not suggested DN was rewarded for trashing rhe original!

Doesn’t matter if you spend £3.80 or £380 they shouldn’t let their child wreck someone else’s stuff and say it’s cute. Says a lot about their parenting tbh

Your sister sounds like a cow. I’d return the Barbie and get your niece a harmonica.