Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

I think the attitude of the parents has (rightly) got everyone's backs up.

Was it advisable of Op to leave her phone case where her niece could get hold of it?

Obviously not!

Should the parents replace?

Of course.

Or offer £20/£30 at least.

I can't believe some of the posters here-not most, thankfully, but some of the ones who are "She's just a kid!" "You shouldn't ask for a replacement!" honestly-sound like they'd be just the type of parents as your DSIS and DBIL. Useless.

Yes, the DN is just a kid, but she is 5 and she should be taught not to damage property, especially property that is not hers, and punished if she does. Not laughed at and treated as if it's a cute quirk of her personality.

It sounds like they can't be arsed to watch her and can't be arsed to deal with her when their negligence results in damage being done. The reality is, if they don't do something now-and start teaching her this behaviour is wrong, they're going to become the people that no one wants or invites in their homes and they'll deserve it.

Yes, they absolutely should pay up for a replacement. And £38 for a decent phone case is not that much and nor is it trivial or petty. It's your money, and you bought something for yourself. It is absolutely irrelevant whether they value it at that amount or not. It's what it costs and it was something that mattered to you.

Their attitude is appalling and very typical of lax parents who think the sun shines out of their child's rear and everything they do is oh so cute and adorable and just so funny, don't you know? They need to realise that their kid is only that cute, funny and adorable to them. Not other people.

They want the option of sitting on their arses, doing nothing to parent their child and when it goes wrong-throw their hands up and say "nothing to do with me!" Well, they can't have it both ways. Either you keep your child under control when in other people's homes, or pay up when something goes wrong.

This isn't about blaming the child. She is a child, and these kinds of things can and do happen but when they happen-the parents should assume responsibility for the damage they cause and pay to replace/repair. And anything less is absolutely CF behaviour and they wouldn't be welcome back in my home-no matter the relation to me as they'd shown they have no care or respect for me.

To be fair to op, by age 5 a human child is normally expected to have better social judgment than a dog.

Well done on losing weight and buying yourself something nice to mark it! Your sister and BIL acted terribly - a 5 year old should know better but given her parents’ reaction it looks like she hasn’t been taught. They absolutely should have replaced it and suggesting your niece now gets to keep it is crazy. She should have been made to apologise.
I agree with PP that it sounds like you need to stand up for yourself more. Also having a go at you for spending on this but also having a dig because you don’t go on luxury holidays is completely contradictory- not that it is any of their business how you spend your money. Please stop justifying on here or anywhere!

I wouldn’t be having her in my house because her parents clearly aren’t interested in disciplining her.

I wouldn’t be rewarding her with the case she ruined either.

No wonder she does stuff like that if they laugh every time - idiots.

Of course they should buy you a new case - but as they sound like selfish, entitled morons you'll not get one.

You'll get your reward when dn hits the teenage years and turns into Verrucca Salt on acid - you can then sit back and chuckle and say "remember that time she ruined my expensive phone case and you guys thought it was hilarious....?"

Why would a childless 25 year old be expecting a 5 year old to do this and therefore be taking steps to stop it? They wouldn't. A PARENT might, and might ask her sister to not give her felt pens, or to maybe stay and supervise because she's not quite there yet on the old impulse control, but I'm sorry, this is not OP's fault OR responsibility.

My phone cost less than 38 quid!!!

I'm not sure why you're spoiling for a fight with OP?

I cannot fathom posters blaming you for leaving out your phone in your flat.
If a child of mine did anything like that I'd be using their pocket money to replace it.
As for the other crap your sister doles out to you, now is the time to make a stand.

I wouldn't blame your niece - she's five - but the parents are being really, really annoying and cavalier - just because they find their daughter uncritically cute doesn't mean you have to!
fwiw -

1. my sister in law and I had an agreement when our kids were young that we would allow breakages in each others houses up to 100 pounds and after that reimburse (neither of us ever had to).
2. i drew on a man's shirt in my dads office when I was ten. The man dared me too. My dad made me work to pay him back. I get it but actually he did dare me so it wasn't entirely fair! And I was ten, not five.

Okay?

I can't believe your Dsis has laughed off her DD ruining something of yours. I would be mortified. 5 is not a baby.
There are some for sale on Ebay. I would send your Dsis a link to the item and ask her to buy it you as an extra Christmas present.

@Moonshine5

it would be the child’s fault and the parents fault. Op has done absolutely nothing wrong here

I definitely wouldn’t just give it to her even though it sounds like it’s ruined because that’s teaching her that she can have whatever wants. No way. if that had been my kids - and they would never have done that in either their own or someone else’s house - I’d definitely be insisting on buying another one for you. She sounds so spoilt and indulged. She shouldn’t have been poking around your house. Awful parenting. Feel sorry for you.

@Thegoatliesdownonbroadway

did it, aye?

Not a smartphone I’m guessing?

I would expect them to replace it. And I would not give it to her - that would just reward her bad behaviour.

Your updates sister and her DP are dreadful. They belittle and mock you for not being able to afford a luxury holiday? Based on how you’ve described them, I can’t see the up side of maintaining a relationship with them, sister or not. They sound vile. Step right back from the pair of them - you deserve better.

They should replace it, that's obvious to me.

👍

I can’t believe the people saying this is your fault and you should have supervised her or not left things out. If she had written your name on it or decorated it for you I could sort of understand it, but this comes across as a child who has been completely overindulged. I would be utterly mortified if my child tried to claim someone else’s’ possession like that, and so should they be.

It would t havd even occurred to me not to leave mine out - even when my Dc were toddlers let alone 5.

And your point is?

You did look after it, you kept it safe in your home when their daughter decided to vandalise it and this is part of growing up and learning responsibility, but the lesson to be learnt is for the child and the parents who should recompense you.

Sadly lots of kids do this, you can't watch them all the time but it has to be addressed and not encouraged further by saying its sweet or cute.

The parents should have calmly explained to the child why their actions were wrong and the impact of their behaviour. It's important to help them understand the importance of respecting other people's property. Then the parents should have apologised to you on behalf of their child as they (not you) should have been supervising the child and ensuring they weren't getting up to any mischief. A sincere apology can go a long way in maintaining good relations.

They should offer to replace, or compensate for the damaged item. This shows responsibility and respect for the owner's property. Your niece could also be involved in making amends, such as saying sorry or helping with chores to contribute to the cost of the damage. This helps teach the child about accountability. The niece needs to understand the importance of respecting others' belongings and the parents need to establish clear guidelines to prevent similar incidents in the future.