Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Yes, they should have been but as they weren't, it was up to the OP if she wanted to protect her belongings.

The parents did not even tell the child off so they are bad parents.

We had similar with my DS dropping my cousins iPad causing screen to smash. We offered to replace and she suggested to just pay Apple for screen replacement which was expensive and a stretch to be honest.
she has been apologetic ever since for accepting that money but I think it’s fair although tbh I myself would chalk it up to a child making a mistake and let it go.

Your bigger issue here is DSis jealousy and rivalry and her and her partner’s contemptuous behaviour towards you.
Be very careful with this family - it’s not the phone thing alone , from
what you’ve said they sound like they will drain you dry. Apologising for buying yourself something sounds like they already been gaslighting you. You have your own timeline.
Dont be mocked by your immature Dsis or allow her to weaponise your love for your niece against you . Keep them at arms length and don’t go out of your way to help them.

Her parents were there, it was up to them to supervise their child.

Well, in that case, my solution would be to just not have her in my home. And certainly not be doing childcare. Fuck that since they sound both horrible and useless.

Who were these awful insensitive people? Do they know about your fertility issues? If so, saying that if you have children, you can't have nice things was a disgusting thing to say. Cruel and disrespectful. If the only rule in their house is to be kind, how come they weren't kind to you. Hypocritical twats!

Yes, the parents do, but that is not the nieces's fault.

I'd do this.

Why do you need to give a gift at all. Give her the damaged case and get yourself a new one with the money.
She is 5, not a toddler. Old enough to know we don’t take people’s things without asking. What if she took her teacher’s phone out of her handbag? Would that be ‘cute’ too?

I disagree, with colouring and playing being interchangeable.

Playing unsupervised (within earshot) yes, any sort of messy play with pens or permanent pens, paint etc should be supervised at least in the same room, or in a space designed for it and easy to clean up after.

You do have a duty of care when people are at your house, to not leave things lying around for their children to potentially get hold of, I do think the parents should replace because it was their child that damaged it, but they may not have known about the pens and I doubt they would have let her wander off with pens into a different room if they knew she had access to them, you do need to take responsibility for leaving all that lying around then all waffling on and ignoring her completely.

But the responsibility for the child actions ultimately falls on the parents and any decent person would have offered to replace it.

Say ok and next time your round there house write your name on their tv and say its mine now

of course they should replace it.

And honestly their response is so cheeky and nonchalant. The price of it doesn't matter, their child has ruined someone else's belongings they should replace.

No. But perhaps some consequences for her will make them get their shit together before it's her friends' parents not inviting her back.

@sandyhappypeople if that's how you do it then cool, but in our family it's pretty accepted that the kids will go off in another room and play/colour. My sister and BIL are aware that she has things to colour at my flat.

OP you keep rising to sandyhappypeople's bait and justifying yourself. Stop. Stop justifying yourself to criticial voices that NO ONE else agrees with!

What a pair of cunts

i have never left my phone to charge and come back to a child writing all over it. ever,.

no sure why people are being so blasé about it, yes children do silly things. but actually letting them know that deliberately messing on someone else stuff isn't acceptable. accident sure.

but clearly her parents and some people on here think its fine to blow over ruining other people things because "she likes it" extremely permissive and disrespectful

You left it out.
This happened to me with sunglasses.
We as a society have to take personal accountability. If you had gone out and your DN did this, then yes they are responsible. But if you were there - no way. Take some responsibility. Ps. She's 5 (get a grip)

"You do have a duty of care when people are at your house, to not leave things lying around for their children to potentially get hold of, I do think the parents should replace because it was their child that damaged it, but they may not have known about the pens and I doubt they would have let her wander off with pens into a different room if they knew she had access to them, you do need to take responsibility for leaving all that lying around then all waffling on and ignoring her completely."

Lol - I don't have children, but I should child proof my house for if people with children come round?? Nonsense.

I will (and have) remove anything breakable or precious that is within reaching range of a toddler, but how far should I go? Buy some stairgates for the once a year that a toddler comes round, just in case?

Or, should the parents of the visiting child take responsibility for their own offspring??

If I had someone visiting with a 5 year old that was off playing/colouring, I too would assume that I didn't need to supervise them to ensure that they weren't defacing my property!

Isopropanol/Isopropyl alcohol would probably get it off. It's a very useful thing to have anyway. It cleans numerous things that nothing else will touch and isn't expensive. Very cheap on Amazon.

The entitlement! Might as well give it to her, WTF!

Not sure if you've bought her a Christmas present but if you have, feel free to scribble all over it then give it to her.

The parents sound awful.

I left my phone on charge. In my own home. I'm not responsible for her colouring on it.

Maybe buy her a playpen for next visit op and put her in it like a baby.

I'd be pissed off if a child damaged my own sunglasses in my own home.

What should I do? Pack the entire house up before a child visits??

I agree that someone should have accountability. The parents of the child.

What if your dog destroyed it ? Would you charge your parents? You need to take some personal responsibility.
What if your DN cut herself on the case - would that be your fault @losingweightandgainingconfidence

My suspicion is this goes way deeper than a Rhodes phone case

@Moonshine5 I don't have a dog. I live alone.

How would my niece cut herself on a soft silicone case?