Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

5yr olds should know better but even if they do they can still do things like this.

Also re cutting their own hair or another kid's hair in school!

So what's the plan then? What is niece and your megabitch sister getting for Christmas?

Or give them all gifts with your name scrawled over them.

No now we’re just being petty. Just deduct enough from each gift you can get a nice new one.

Her parents (and a lot of people on this thread) are the reason why we are having massive work force issues.
Entitled children and lazy parenting.
5 years old is absolutely old enough to understand that you do not take and damage other people's things.
If she's getting pocket money, a (token) amount should be deducted towards a new one and some sort of consequence such as a screentime ban.

A phone case with OP’s name in indelible ink .

And maybe a sketch on it of OP’s smiley face …

If you get a new one please don’t give her the one she ruined. It’ll just reinforce the behaviour if she thinks it’ll result in her getting what she wants.

How is this anything other than the parent's fault??
They were present the entire time, she wasn't baby sitting

DD is 4 and a very "girlie girl". Sometimes, we've had to tell her off about drawing on her toys or walls. She would never take a phone case belonging to someone else and draw on it. And if she did I'd be absolutely mortified and immediately replace it.

I would be mortified if my 3yo did this never mind a 5 year old! Would replace without question.

Sounds like she is a spoilt brat. And very cheeky of them trying to blame you. If they don’t replace it I wouldn’t give any a Christmas present.

She's 5, old enough to know better. They shave explained to her that it was wrong to do that and made her apologise. They're the parents and a 5 year old shouldn't have been left unsupervised long enough to do something like that.
Yes I think they should replace it but they sound quite entitled so I wouldn't hold your breath

As the mum to a 5 year old girl who loves colouring and girly stuff..you are absolutely not being unreasonable expecting a replacement. Anyone who says a 5 year old wouldn't understand what they're doing is wrong...yes, they do, if you're parenting properly (additional needs aside).They wouldn't be doing shit like that at school.

I absolutely adore my 3 year old neice, but if she pulled a stunt like this I'd absolutely be expecting my brother to replace the case and like shit would I give her it and reward bad behaviour.

Same goes for my daughter, if she ever dared to do anything like that - which she wouldn't, because she's been brought up to respect other people's property- I'd make sure she faced consequences and be replacing the phone case.

£38 is a stupid amount of money?

What world do they live in?

As long as your not getting into or are in ridiculous debt then thats not a great deal of money. My last bog standard phone case was £25. A bargain to my mind. And I looked long and hard at an over 50 pounds one for the safety aspect.

@SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament at the moment I'm considering sending back my niece's Barbie for a drum kit and my sister and BIL just have some snack baskets - may keep these for myself

Diet snacks in her basket, aye? Really fuck her off.

It’s very simple you return anything you have bought her and give her the ruined, empty case for her Christmas present

then if your relatives kick off you say they suggested just giving it to her so you gave

Would she write all over her friends things at school?

It doesn't matter how much things cost. They need to tell her you can't do things like that.

I think they need to give you the £38.

Urgh, we had three separate families stay with us in quick succession last year. All young children. The amount of stuff that was broken, handed to me or hidden from me. Children picking up binoculars and swinging them round by the cord, swinging yo yos at each other, jewellery box ransacked and sentimental items strewn everywhere. Parents telling us (we being a couple who have struggled for three years with fertility issues) that if you have children you can't have nice things. Kids searching the drawers in our bedroom?! Or, while the child is smearing breakfast over our beautiful sofa (we asked them to eat in the kitchen) being told by parent that "the only rule in our house is to be kind". Just children behaving terribly, parents not owning responsibility.

I should say, with my own nieces/nephews I have never had such bad behaviour, but then maybe that's because I feel able to tell them to stop without their parents patronising me with their self serving rules. You can tell I'm still mad! Really they should replace your phone case, but they won't. I like the idea of returning presents, but I'd end up feeling guilty about that. Maybe ask for them to give it to you as your next bday? So annoying!

it sounds like you have become the family member that it’s okay to tease/comment on/minimise/not take seriously, and that’s the problem you need to deal with. Work on being assertive with your family when they make comments or tease. Practise some responses.

Re your phone case, your DS etc were dead in the wrong. Either because they are ‘those’ parents who think their angel does no wrong (fun for her teachers!), or because they don’t respect you. It’s probably best to discuss it with your sister alone, where no-one can back her up and explain what happened was neither your fault or your responsibility but it is her responsibility to at least offer compensation and you are concerned that her daughter will end up in trouble with her friends and teachers if she thinks she can have/destroy whatever she wants. Don’t let her minimise or berate you. Just repeat you think this is an important conversation to have, that you think your niece is old enough to understand boundaries now and you are offering advice because you care. Then maybe bring up the phone case as an example, would she justify or minimise if her daughter had done this to anyone else?

Good luck
P.S. I looked at the phone case and think it looks like a shaved vulva, but you love it so that’s important! It’s on sale on eBay at £18.95, tell your sister and ask if she wants to get it you or if she would like to give you the money! X

The parents didn't know what their daughter had access to. It wasn't their house.

Was just about to say try nail polish remover.

It seems like any kindness and helpfulness in your relationship with your sister is all one way, from you to her family.

She doesn't appreciate your help so please stop doing it.

Love this one

Gosh, I would have been fuming about that. 'Cute and girlie', when she's damaged something that is really special to someone else? Five is not too young to understand that she's hurt your feelings by spoiling your 'favourite toy'.
I certainly wouldn't give her the case as it seems like a reward.
I'd ask her parents to pay for a new case. They may say no and you can't make them, but I'd point out that they are responsible for damage done by their child and people won't always tolerate their lack of responsible parenting.

£40 is in no way a frivolous amount of money to spend on yourself, OP.

It's also ridiculous that you are expected to justify every purchase you make.

I'd be buying myself a new case and telling them a few friends clubbed together and bought it for you for Xmas because they knew you loved it and thought it was disgusting that Dsis hadn't replaced it. I'd also be letting them know that the old one went in the bin and if they say you should have given it to DN just say you don't want to reward negative behaviour and shrug it off.

Don't tell them about any purchases you make in the future and when challenged on clothing claim to have bought everything you ever wear off vinted for a few quid. It's simply not their business where you get anything or how much it cost!

They sound like utter twats, OP.

Fuck them, their judgment and their poor parenting!

That’s awful! If my children done that I would absolutely replace that, awful attitude