Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

If it makes you feel better, my parents put me to sleep in my cousin’s new queen size bed in their new home, beautifully furnished - they’d just gotten married. My Mum neglected to mention I was a bed wetter and you can guess the rest…

I doubt my parents replaced the mattress. I know it’s annoying but I don’t personally think the phone case is valuable enough to be this upset over. Sometimes these things happen, buy a new one and let it go. It’s not worth causing a family fight over or more stress to her parents as they obviously have their hands full.

I know it’s annoying but you can’t right every wrong. You’re lucky it wasn’t a leather sofa or a smashed phone or something more expensive.

I think if you let this go then your grace will come back to you - I know that sounds woo woo but I believe that. Putting your energy into something else and moving on is a better use of your time.

I think you all should have been supervising her equally.

Agree with others up thread don’t buy anything for them for Christmas. Tell them you had to use the money to replace your phone case.

This. OP, I know you want to maintain a relationship with your sister but
speaking from experience, siblings who act like this just get worse as time goes on and you’ll always be made to feel inferior. Your sister’s also teaching her child that you’re a door mat.

@Catza why wouldn’t you expect it?

Flopsy145 was

My daughter is into girly things, she's 3 and knows not to colour on things that aren't paper. They've clearly allowed bad behaviour.

Or she’s never done it before so they never had to say ‘you can only colour on paper?’
Because to be fair you don’t parent by warning against every non dangerous action/ anything that doesn’t hugely impact others (because you can’t really preempt a child doing something like that)

The cost of the case and your moral right to spend money on yourself (what’s more expensive than kids 😂) is irrelevant. It wouldn’t matter if it was a fiver. The mother saying ‘why did you spend £800 on shoes’ in SATC was making the same mistake. If she was a toddler I’d have said ‘whoops’ but it should still be replaced. At five she should know not to do this. I love my kids but teaching a 5y.o she can vandalise and it’s funny, she doesn’t need to control her impulses, her wants are paramount and she is more important than anyone else are bad lessons.

At 5 she is old enough to know that this is not acceptable behaviour. They are hardly dealing with that by laughing at her and suggesting you give it to her. I would push for them to replace in this situation.

Why are you so hell-bent on blaming the poster? Five-year-olds should know not to deface fucking phone cases.

@Calliopespa I know! The formula might have changed now but when mine were little Pampers baby wipes would get pen mark out of most things. I don't know if you have ever used a baby wipe on yourself, but I find they really do sting, even the gentle sensitive ones.

Give it to her for Christmas, and if they don't offer to replace it, take the money you spent on their presents and buy yourself a new case.

YANBU. Buy yourself another one and return some of their Xmas presents! Your DSIL doesn't sound very nice. You look after yourself.

We used Johnson’s which I found not too bad but some of the organic ones were horrific.

I don't think you should have left it lying around when you knew how obsessed she was with it. They should cough up but I don't think you can make them.

Your sister may always be horrible to you, but remember life is long … she may not always be in the superior position she thinks she’s in.

And don’t get into free childcare, it’s not appreciated and she’ll be angry with you when you can’t do it, or have the nerve to say you have another engagement!

I expected her to maybe pick it up, ask if she could have some lip balm, if anything. It was just on charge. Not write all over it,

I guess I'm just used to them looking down on me for things and judging me for being immature, for example over the summer I went on a holiday and they laughed at me because it wasn't to a luxury resort

God they sound like a pair of wankers to be honest OP. Insufferable.

Sorry about your case, it's shit when a treat is ruined and it's not your fault!

Why were her parents not supervising her
?

I would be absolutely livid with them and expecting a replacement asap - not as a Christmas present - but immediately - because she trashed your property.

I would not allow her (or any child) to be in my house unless under control and in full view at all times. If you allow them over again - she can have some books / duplo / dolls etc in the room you are in 1 so she is supervised and to ensure she is not getting up to any damage by helping herself to pens / make up etc from around the house.

I’m horrified that any parent thinks this is a laugh it off issue - poor kid - with no boundaries she is going to either have a tough time in the world (school / friends are not going to put up with this) or grow up to be an utter nightmare.

set your boundaries in your house and don’t let this go - it is awful parenting and I don’t care how judgy that sounds.

this is not normal ‘5 year old’ behaviour - an unsupervised toddler of 2 - yes they are still learning but by 5 this is really not on.

so sorry for you and don’t let this distract or discourage your weight loss - sounds like B you are doing so well .

Have you got your sister and bil gifts?
Swap them for the ruined phone case and sell/return their gifts for the money to buy a replacement case?

I'd return any presents I'd bought for them, buy yourself a new phone case, and wrap up the old one for your niece as her present.

What do you normally spend on them each for Christmas op? Can you recover the cost by taking a bit over a tenner off each gift? They may be left with measly gifts, but I’d probably do that rather than not gift at all if finances allow. If they ask tell them. By that stage they’ll have been rude twice …

I would do this.

I can replace it, I'm going to order some bits for myself anyway so that's not the end of the world. It's more the principle of it all

When my niece used to come round at a similar age, I watched her like hawk asI did not want my things ruined.

Sorry, but this is your fault for leaving her unattended.

And keep the defaced phone case so next time you are out with DSis you can display the manky thing on the table and “ apologise” to the staff: “ oh excuse my hideous phone case: her dd drew on it.”

Tbh I'd wrap the bloody thing up for her for Xmas and send the Barbie back and use the money to replace the case !