Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

I agree that 5 is quite old for people to be having to baby proof for her visits.

The child did it because she clearly gets away with it and always has.

Do you know of something in your sister's house that she values? What would she say if it were to get damaged?
I am not suggesting that you actively go and damage it, but she clearly has not made the connection between the fact that you valued this item and its subsequent damage.
Could you explain it to her like she is 3 years old and that if something she valued and held dear got damaged, wouldn't she expect to get it replaced if it could be replaced?

It is not cute letting children ruin other peoples possessions and your sister and husband should replace it for you. It doesn't matter how much it cost, it was special for you.
I looked up the case and see it's silicone so you might be able to clean it with some rubbing alcohol. I find WD40 can get all sorts of marks out so might be worth a go. Another thing that seems to work wonders on marks is baby wipes. I hope you either manage to get the marks off or they buy you a new one @losingweightandgainingconfidence

My 5 year old would have been buying you a new one in exchange for me returning some of her Christmas presents. They are raising an spoilt child which they will regret.
A 2 year old has drawn on it? I'd still offer to get you a new one as it's my responsibility as a parent to supervise them.

You don’t have to justify anything, though. You’re choosing to. You can tell them to mind their own business.

You need to learn to assert yourself considerably more, OP. Life will be much more pleasant if you do.

She sounds like a brat who is being badly brought up. I would expect a replacement too and if they didn't give one, I'd be returning their Christmas presents to buy myself a new case

@Allfur

its gonna look shit though isn’t it. If OP wanted writing on it she would have bought it like that or done it herself

Baby wipes! That’s actually a bit worrying!

Your sister sounds really unpleasant towards you. I can't imagine being treated so dismissively by someone who is supposed to love me.

Let the phone case thing go. Buy yourself a new one. You deserve it. But work on your boundaries with your family. Everyone is assigned a role in a family and yours seems to be the "underachiever". Which is utter nonsense. Maybe it's how your sister makes herself feel better about herself.

DN behaviour for a 5YO, totally normal (though not to be encouraged or not have parents apply (mild) chastisement. Other parental response, definitely not ok.... Also £38 isn't really that much to spend, not that I would, but appreciate if people spend WAY more on other items that are on constant (or not even constant display) e.g. jewellery, watches then why should a phone case choice be equally indulged?!

Yes they should replace it.
also when you talk to them add in that they are shit parents also.

Spoilt brat.
Don't reward bad behaviour by giving her the case.

The child wasn’t 2.

By 5 they should know not to scribble over other people’s stuff. If you are old enough to write and spell your name, you are old enough to know where to do it.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence I would be fuming. It doesn't matter what it is or how much it cost, if m child damaged someone's property I would be mortified and absolutely would replace it. 5 is plenty old enough to respect other people's belongings too. I would be returning Xmas gifts for them all and saying that unfortunately you needed to use the money to replace the phone case that your niece ruined. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour which needs calling out now before it escalates.

It is the parents' responsibility to look after their child. They weren't keeping an eye on her so they should pay for the damaged phone case. A five year old with colouring supplies should have been colouring in the same room as the parents so they could check she wasn't causing damage, even accidentally, such as going off the edge of the paper and colouring a table.

I have found that neat washing up liquid can get quite a lot of marks out although I would only use that on man made fabrics, not leather.

Please stop apologising for buying yourself a nice phone case! Phone cases can be much more expensive than £38 anyway and it's something you use constantly, all day - it makes logical sense to make this experience delightful for yourself! Your sister and BIL sound very immature and like bad parents.

So you gave her the pens then?! You knew she was 'off somewhere colouring' as you put that in your OP, so you gave her your pens and sent her off to go and colour while you all chatted in a different room.. it's not your fault she damaged your phone case, but you all need to take some level of responsibility here.

All the people saying the parents should have been supervising her, yes they should, but who gives a five year old a load of different pens and sends her off 'to go and colour somewhere' (as in, not where they are but off in the house somewhere else).

You are reading quite a lot into my comment. I actually did not make any suggestions. I replied saying that I wouldn't have expected compensation, specifically, I would not have expected it from a family member. "I" being an operative word here.
I would also like to note a fact that OP does not have a family of 4 to feed. While I appreciate the sentiment, your comment probably has as little to do with the situation at hand as mine.
If OP only wanted people on tight budgets to comment, she could have made it clear. But I don't see her minding. Do you often get offended on someone else's behalf?

They wouldn't be getting any Christmas presents from me. Maybe a mini Sharpie each 😈

The comments are shit. I've had similar from a family member. The most effective way to shut her up was to turn it back on her - in front of other people. E.g. "Gosh, so much judgment of something that doesn't affect you, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

Someone who expects the five year old to have been brought up differently I guess.

Mine simply would not have done that at 5 or even 4. 3 I can’t say for sure, 2 quite possibly.

5 is not a baby.

@sandyhappypeople no. I didn't hand them to her, she went off. She has a couple of toys at my flat (because I do sometimes do an afternoon of childcare when I'm on annual leave after school, and I've had her for sleepovers before) and I just thought she was playing.

A 5 year knows right from wrong

@sandyhappypeople

5 year olds should know not to draw on peoples things. Its not OP’s fault however you might wanna frame it.

Send her Christmas present back, buy a new phone case. Send her parents Christmas presents back. They could all do with learning about consequences.

Of course they should replace it! No way was this your fault. Selfish idiots!